Wednesday

One-and-a-half-month more to freedom... Ah, at least a glimpse of light! Pure bliss thinking about it.

Also, one-and-a-half-month more to a very special day to come :) A day of celebration. Not of the beginning of a 2-week school holiday - but of the unfinished tapestry of a love story, which God is weaving upon looms of grace, having arrived at one if its many checkpoints-yet-to-come. 15th of May, 2010. Lord, we thank Thee and wait for Thy hands to usher in this day.

Today, we were flabbergasted to find our classroom filled with a fury of flying-termites. Thanks to the drastic change of weather. Many had shed their wings...so all you could find everywhere, settled in a thick blanket - were wings and wriggling bodies. Yuck. We called it the '8th plague' (there were 7 plagues in the Book of Revelation). Since the girls mostly went, "Ewww...." and refused to enter the classroom, our brothers kindly swept out the classroom and disposed the termites. The termites also had invaded the pond - bodies and wings floated gracefully on the surface of the water... and had to be fished out with a sieve.

Monkeys were everywhere too. I think they too were glad that their Maker had finally brought rain and a sweet coolness in the air. Cute. They even sat on the boughs of the tree, curiously watching us through the glass windows... while we were discussing the Book of Job in the classroom.

Oh, don't I just love quiet breathers like this... With school over, lunch... then a break for checking my emails, contemplation on God's Word and prayer.... before returning to work, work, work.

Good Friday this week and Easter. Ben's parents and brother are getting baptized this Easter. For this, we are so thankful.

Starting on my Biblical Interpretation homework today. Have a good day, people!

One assignment down...

Fuhhhhh.... At long last. Now at least my life can move on a notch!

(I have been really cranky for the past few days, huh...sorryyy.....)

Bye-bye (hopefully) Dr. Sunny's assignments. Tomorrow, I have to start on Dr. Lawson's assignments and Mr. KC Wong's research paper. Right now, I am too tired to do anything.

Watched some TV, had supper and now I am quite ready for bed.

I need a holiday. And a better attitude. Also, I need to stop whining.

Tuesday

Troubled. Bothered. Anxious. Worried. Frustrated. Disturbed. Unsettled.

Perfect 7. (Or should I say imperfect 7?)

But oh well... I read Psalm 73 in class today - which totally blew my mind. I mean, this wasn't the first time I read it - but the words of the psalm spoke to me in a whole new way. Something in it seemed to resonate greatly with a part of my heart. Stirred me to tears. Especially verses 21-28:

'When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before You.
Yet I am always with You.
You hold by my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterward You will take me into glory.
Whom have I in Heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Those who are far from You will perish;
You destroy all who are unfaithful to You.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all Your deeds.'

Boy, even now when I read the words... I yearn with the psalmist for God's presence, comfort and reassurance, in spite of all the uncertainties of life and all its unfairness. *sniff*

O God. Where art Thou? I may be senseless and ignorant - not realizing that You have meant it all for my good. I may be crying out in frustration, but for reasons I can't quite put my finger on. But my Lord, let my tantrums be soothed by Your gentle presence. Hold me up for I can't quite walk. Refresh me in my weariness. And give me a heart filled with the joy of knowing that Thou art with me. Indeed, my heart and flesh may fail - but Lord, be my strength and portion forevermore.

Monday

I spent the entire day (almost) glued to the chair at my dining table - um.... not eating... as you might expect - but answering emails and doing assignments. Oh, not to mention, I did a little 'research' and planning for my short vacation in mid-May - when the term ends. That was a DELIGHTFUL distraction. I can hardly wait for that time to arrive! Wheeee......

Snacked away on cereals, cereal bars and Iko biscuits...

My sister, Zoey, called me in the evening... and we had a long chat. Turned out that we are both swamped with assignments.... thus we ended the conversation earlier than we normally would. :P Hehe.

Then... it poured with rain. Ohhhh.... glorious, glorious, glorious RAIN! What a relief to us, Penang people, who have been having a very long, dry and HOT spell. Thank God. Now the air is cool and so is my tiny apartment. Phew. I am hoping that this would be a definite end to living in an 'oven' for a long while.

I went back to struggling with my summary of Ellen F. Davis' commentary on Song of Songs. It was a very good article - but I had to read it a few times to really get what she was talking about. But I have to say that the article did help me to appreciate Song of Songs much better. It is such a beautiful book.

After I was done with all that, I was having a headache....

...so I decided to do a little exercise in front of the telly - while watching Nanny 911. (It does help me to pick up some parenting skills :) Not that I am gonna be one any time soon...)

Had dinner...and now I am back to sitting in front of my laptop - to do more assignments. @_@ It's gonna be a long night.

Pictures and the thing we call 'romance'...

Random...

Had a haircut on Friday, just to zap some stress (and trim off some unruly ends). I ended up with a fringe that still traumatizes me a little at the moment...So much for experimenting. I look like a school-girl :P But who knows... Next time, I will perhaps try cutting a straight fringe in front. Hehe.

Anyway... some piccies taken during our visit to Fisherman's Grill in Sg. Ara. We had wanted to go there for quite some time now...but we were afraid that the food might be a little too pricey. Finally braved ourselves to eat there on Saturday. (Also to celebrate something between Ben and I.) The prices were not that bad... the food was all right and the soup was fantabulous!

Here's Ben admiring the cool interior deco's of the restaurant.

Quite creative lighting... I loved the fisherman's nets that held up the 'balls' of lights!

Say, "Hungreeeeeeeeee......................."

Nice juice that came in the set lunch

Garlic bread for our soup. (I only wish that they could have been more generous with this:))

Me and my beloved... :')

The most delicious cream-of-chicken-soup I've ever eaten. The garlic bread went nicely with it.

I want more! :/

My Thai-chilli fish. Not bad. I didn't really take to the chips though. They were a little tasteless.

And oh....I must so RAVE about this dessert. Sour plum with vanilla ice-cream. Heavenly!

Anyway, yups... I came to my own conclusions this weekend about romance. You know how girls are always so attracted to romance novels, dramas and movies (stuff that bring sweet smiles to our faces and make us go, "Wowwww, if only...") while guys are often not? :P I think those stories often give the wrong impressions to girls on what romance is. It makes us expect too much from the guys (a.k.a our boyfriends and husbands), we tend to equate our idea of romance with love, and then we get awfully disappointed when they do not 'romance' us the way we thought they should. (I know this - being woman myself :P - I sometimes get disillusioned watching such movies - and therefore, I've cut them out pretty much of my 'movies diet') I've heard some of my girl-friends saying that they will not marry if their boyfriend is unable to propose in a right manner (and what is that?) and give them diamond rings. I've also heard many complain that their boyfriends are not 'romantic enough', boring and 'kayu'. It's quite scary (even to me) what some expect of their boyfriends and husbands. Putting myself in the shoes of the men - I think I would be very pressured and intimidated.

In actual fact, movies almost never present what happens after the 'happily-ever-after' wedding. Movies on courtship are usually full of romance. There are just so many ways a man can propose to his beloved - and it feels so 'warm' and 'awwww....sweet' watching such scenes - especially after the plot of the story has taken us through crazy twists and turns, whereby the relationship is at stake. But most of the movies I've watched featuring married couples center on divorce and often, a brood of confused, insecure children.

Here, I am not saying that romance is wrong - or that we shouldn't want our men to romance us. Romance indeed adds spice to a marriage. But we've got to realize that 'romance' does not often happen the way we expect it to happen. Sometimes, it would be difficult to be romantic especially when a conflict is brewing in the air or when kids are on the loose. But love, acceptance, good communication, strong friendship, generosity and faithfulness (and I believe with all my heart... God above all) - are the things that will keep a marriage/courtship going. Not romance per se.

For me, I truly appreciate it when Ben and I have the time do simple things together - having a meal (even if it's just at the hawker's stall), catching a movie, walking on the beach and watching the waves crash into the shore, revamping my house, grocery-shopping, etc. Romance doesn't need to be extra costly or demand intricate plans all the time. Spontaneity is romantic too. Sometimes Ben pays me surprise visits when I least expect it and brings me dinner (like the other day, when I was too busy with assignments to care about food)...or we throw in something extra special once in a while. But what touches my heart the most is when he lovingly holds my hand and tells me, with that most gracious look in his eyes (that surpasses all my weaknesses), that I am beautiful and that he loves me. :) Or when we sit down to pray and discuss God's Word together. Or when he calls me to say goodnight.

Romance is beautiful when we do not place unrealistic expectations on the other half to romance us. Romance unexpected is romance indeed.

Eating the most SOUR sour-plum ever...

hmmmm...carefully does it....

Ok....it's VERY VERY SOUR. But I love it...

Saturday

A trying period of time for me... and the term-break still seems so awfully far away :( *Heavy-hearted* I want to go on a vacation.

Right now, I am still dealing with that assignment w.r.t Bible translation issues.

I don't know if it's a good thing or not... but I mistook worship practice for Saturday instead of Friday...as a result, I didn't go for it on Friday... and now I am not singing tomorrow. (I arrived home too late yesterday to note the change - and was therefore unable to change my plans last night.) So now, I only have Youth and Alpha to serve in this Sunday :P While I am feeling guilty, this would give me extra time for assignments. (hopefully)

Thursday

After the extremely draining weekend (it's already Thursday and although issues have been straightened out more or less, I have not completely recovered from it. It perhaps can be likened to phantom limb pain after surgical amputation of a limb - although I have no idea how that feels for real), staying up 'till 2.30am last night (working on assignments) and waking up super early this morning for classes, I am so, so exhausted. Guess I was not really prepared for all that.

Anxious, unsettled and unsure of how I will handle the upcoming weekend too.

Sigh. God, please help me not to be insecure.

Just this Tuesday, I was driving to school with Ai Hua in my car. We were having this very therapeutic conversation (at least for me!) - and she said something very comforting, which went along the lines of, "I think it is good that God has placed us in the seminary at this time - so that we can learn to function in ministry even when we are emotionally overwhelmed." Yeah. I remember the time when I was depressed while being CMC at Trinity - and I wasn't sure how to deal with it, because I hadn't quite faced such circumstances back in med school before (a whole different ball game altogether.) So if I don't learn now, when else?

Marsha Lawson's class on 'Intro to Pastoral Counseling' started today.

Hmmmm....

Wondering how to do all my research papers....

No worries. These aren't the books I have to delve into. Hehe. But they did make me look extra diligent, didn't they? Picture credits: Ben Wong

Totally a random post. Back to my work for now...

Wednesday

First of all, thanks so much to Tairven and Wee Lyn who treated Ben and I to a good dinner yesterday. Your fellowship and love has touched and blessed us indeed :)

I had another of those alarm-clock-sabo incidents this morning.

Well, you see... I had changed my handphone alarm clock tune to that of a familiar hymn, 'Near to the heart of God'. This morning, it rang... but I just wouldn't be aroused from deep slumber... so the clock continued to 'sing' that hymn every 5 minutes. I had weird dreams, in which the chorus of 'Near to the heart of God' would repeat every now and then (just like in those movies, where you get strains of the theme song playing softly in the background at certain scenes) - and then I suddenly realized that it was my handphone clock! As my phone was as usual 'charging' in the corner of the room, I sprung up from bed and ran like a headless chicken in that direction (in the dark - with my eyelids still fused shut). In all that confusion, I ran face-first into the standing fan @_@. Toingggggg!!!

Thank God it was not on - but alas... it knocked me on the forehead, just above my left eye :P that I had to start the day with a headache. Yeouccch!

Shared my testimony in chapel today - with Vanessa as my English-Mandarin translator. (She was so good!) It was a little scary - I am never too comfortable sharing up front about my stint in medical school or eating disorders although many already know my past; I don't know if everyone understood me - especially the part about eating disorders, haha. But oh well, all glory be to God who has given me that testimony to share. Thank you and lotsa love to my friends who encouraged me after I was done :D

Gotta quickly get to quiet time and work. I will leave you with one of the pictures I like the most, which was taken by Tairven during WAM App. Nite last Saturday. Toodles!

Tuesday

Had problems sleeping last night. Went to school with really swollen eyes today O.o Thankfully they subsided after a while.

God spoke to me (for the 3rd time this week - about abiding in Him, as the branches are in the Vine - read John 15) in chapel service today. While I was in chapel listening to the sermon, Rachel texted me a prayer - with the same words in it! The preacher also spoke of God's discipline in the strengthening of our characters - so that we will bear more fruit for Him.

Perhaps the pruning is starting to make more sense now. After all, the Vineyard keeper prunes the leafy branches off the grape tree - because it is not the green leaves that he's interested in cultivating - no matter how green... but the GRAPES. If a branch is full of green leaves, but bears no grapes, it is still not enough. And if a branch has borne a few fruits, he prunes it so that it would bear even more fruits.

Pruning hurts. It is often unwanted and it can be overwhelming at times - but we need to know that God can be trusted to prune just the right stuff off - so that we will bear just the best fruit - for His glory.

Anyway...

OT Survey II class under Dr. Vincent Ooi started today.

I really like it. Clear-cut, easy-to-follow, precise and yet substantial teaching. Plus he keeps classes so interesting that you won't fall asleep if you were really listening. Perfecto. What more could I ask for?

The weather's all cool and lovely today. Hopefully this means that the season is changing...

I've got a LOT of things on my to-do-list today. This is all I will blog about for now.

the song by Mariah Carey in my head somehow...

"When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, once you say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain..."

Never walk alone...

Woke up nice and early today.

Have to begin on Dr. Sunny and Mr. KC Wong's assignments. Before that...

...today I was reminded of Psalm 131.

'My heart is not proud, LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed my ambitions.
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
both now and forevermore...'

Perhaps a little more than 2 years ago from today, this psalm was particularly comforting to me during an exciting turn of the season... and yet, a time of great turmoil and uncertainty. March 2008 was only the beginning of many challenges, some of which still persist today - albeit in decreasing influence upon the battlefield of my mind. However, I thank God that the sweet blessings in the past 2 years have greatly outnumbered the troubles. I am so grateful for His mercy that keeps me getting up each time I fall, more determined than ever to continue running the race. Every time those troubles come again to present themselves to me bigger than they seem to be, it is so precious to look back at this Psalm, and recollect the values I started out with.

Can I say today, as did 2 years ago - with joy and faith, '...I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content...' ?

O God, please give Your child the joy and faith that would make her strong to say, through her tears... even in her many weaknesses of character, "Yes... yes... and a thousand times, YES!"

Take me as I am, and make me whole. Let the gentleness of my heart return and Your peace reign in it. Inspire me to show grace. Turn the tide of my emotions and help me fix my eyes on the Living Hope - Christ, my Lord. Coz there is nothing too hard for You and if I am with You, should I want anything?

Today, I repent. I may have given in to doubt and the lies of the Enemy. I may have tasted a little defeat, but I have now come to my senses and will not allow the Enemy to confuse me any further. The Lord God Almighty is my Shepherd... who makes me lie down on green pastures, leads me beside quiet waters, refreshes my soul and guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me... Thou has prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies, Thou anoint my head with oil...my cup overflows. Surely, Thy goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life...

...and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Can the Lord make a blessing lesser by adding sorrow to it? NO. Proverbs 10:22 says, "The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds NO sorrow with it." So trust the Lord, O my soul.

I will always remember the state my heart was in when this song came about.

Every corner, every bend
there's someone He sends to hold your hand
to walk the road,
to brave the cold,
'till the glorious sun arises again
Never changing, ever faithful
is the greatest Lover you'll ever know
Yesterday, today, forevermore...
You'll never walk alone...

There are times,
you'll feel your heart is down
but He places your feet on higher ground
There are times,
when everything goes wrong
but He places in you a new song...

Let us sing,
sing of His love that melts all fears
sing of His presence sweet and dear
He will be our guide,
in Him we'll abide
..and we'll soar up on wings to touch the sky
Sing of His hand that heals me and you
sing of His mercy, free and true
Let us sing and smile
even it's dark for a while
for we will never walk alone...

Photos uploaded from....

...from I don't-recall-when. I have not been uploading photos for a long while - thanks to my laptop breaking down and me being so tied up with work + other issues for the past 2 weeks or so... Didn't even take that many photos. Of course there were a few SS's here and there.

Ben @ the fish shop in Sunway Tunas. We bought Elizabeth and Zechariah, the fishies...but they didn't last too long, I'm afraid >_<

The night Ben brought me to Yataimura Jap Restaurant... That was the last of my kimchi ramen he was polishing at top speed (after he was done with his food). It was so good, but I just couldn't finish it.

Look at my lau beh glasses...o.O

Sometime during the study-week break :D *Grinnnnn* Oh, of course I spent it 'piah'-ing my assignments...:P

Before service the last, last Sunday...

Loads of assignments to do...this was me taking a break...

Ben at Gourmet Cafe (Prangin Mall), after he bought me the laptop >.<' ...Hehe. It was actually after a long and tiring day - that was why he looked super exhausted.

Took a break...

Haven't been feeling up to blogging for a few days already...

I've had a rough, challenging time. Made me emotionally labile the whole weekend. *Sniffs* Gah. But I feel a little better now.

Came to conclusions. Made a decision not to put myself into vulnerable situations anymore. No more. No more. NO MORE.

I'm not going to do things to please others, if I know that these things would jeopardize myself and make me 'dysfunctional' in the end. I am not going to undertake challenges that I am not ready for. I am going to be kind to myself for once. If I can't take it, I can't take it. And I will jolly well tell you that I can't.

And now, I'm gonna brace myself... for a big...ummmm, star-jump? *Meow...*

Sorry if it all doesn't make any sense. Sorry for being vague. All that melancholic ramblings. I'm not going to bother explaining. All I have to do on my side is to... stop ruminating on certain issues and throwing myself pity-parties :P then I will be fine. I think. I hope.

O God! Help.

Next week's gonna be crazy - even through the weekend. I'm not sure how it will be yet - but I forsee late nights and early mornings. Weird-ish meals. Less time to cat-nap.

Ben got me a love-gift this weekend... I have a new mini Dell lappie to do my assignments on! And now...ummm, my rundown laptop is in his possession. @_@ I feel the lurrrve...

Answer the questions honestly....

I was tagged. So whoever reads this, you are tagged too - and it's up to you to answer the questions. I'm just doing it for fun myself...

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
--- Red bean pao...yummy.

2.Where was your profile picture taken?
--- Paragon City hotel, Ipoh...

3.Can you play guitar?
--- Yes... I think so.

4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
--- Ben :)

5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
--- around 4am... OT survey assignments had to be completed, or else....

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
--- UK, Scotland or Ireland :P but, being in Malaysia is good too...

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
--- I can't remember... *_*

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
--- Ai Hua, Quan Young + Ruth... I can only think of these few people now...

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
--- I guess so.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
--- I like it.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
--- Hmmm... must be last weekend.

12. Who took your profile picture?
--- Ben

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
--- Ben :P

14. Was yesterday better than today?
--- Nopey...today's always better than yesterday...one more day to spending eternity with Jesus :D

15. Can you live a day without TV?
--- yes, I hardly watch it nowadays...

16. Are you upset about anything?
--- 'upset' is a subjective word. Can't say that I am happy with everything, and that's the truth.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
--- Of course! We are relational beings (quote Dr. Sunny)... :P

18. Are you a bad influence?
--- I hope that filling in this questionnaire doesn't count as being bad influence!!! :D

19. Night out or night in?
--- depends on my mood... but I usually opt for night in.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
--- my handphone...

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
--- Ai Choo...

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
--- "I'm so stuck..." @_@'

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
--- I am really blessed to be born for a time such as this... :D

24. Do you hate anyone?
--- hate is a strong word...I don't think I hate anyone. Let's just say that I am trying my hardest to love some people...

25. If we were to look in your face book inbox, what would we find?
--- messages...from friends...

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
--- of course...

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
--- yeah :D Out of sarcasm :P

28. What song is stuck in your head?
--- Malay songs :) really nice ones...

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
--- my sister, Zoey

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
--- Erm, looking at my age now...and I am not yet married... I don't know it that would be ever possible :D

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
--- Drive to MBTS and hand up assignments... also, to teach piano.

32. Do you think too much or too little?
--- TOO MUCH. Way, way too much.

33. Do you smile a lot?
--- =)... hehehe, does laughing count?

34. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer?
--- dunno... countless...

35. If you could be anyone else for a day, who would you be?
--- I don't know... an American Top Model maybe...

36. Facebook or Twitter?
--- Facebook

37. Chicken or Beef?
--- depends...

38. Mac or PC?
--- anyone will do...

39. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
--- Moi??? *puts on the most innocent look* Now, I can't remember :P But I don't have that violent tendencies...

40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
--- never punched... but slapped, yes :)

OT Survey assignments completed!

Ahhh..... bliss and relief are flooding my heart.

I promise to go through the OT survey notes again when I have time. It seems such a pity and waste to speed-read through the entire pile, just so that I can finish my overdue assignments :P

Will definitely get the assignments printed out on Friday - and then drive to MBTS to hand them up to Pst. Mark Mah. After that, it is (hopefully) bye-bye to OT Survey I. *Practicing waving*

(This has been a truly packed term...I am so glad for the mid-term break this week...even though I didn't get to go for Youth ministry trip after all, thanks to my unfinished assignments *Sob, sob* --> Dad, I serviced my car instead...)

I rejoice at the thought of snuggling into bed very soon. Looking forward to meeting up with Nellie for lunch tomorrow.

(Ben commented that my petrol seems to habis faster when I don't have to drive to MBTS :P This is because, I seem to have to drive to everywhere else, when I don't have to go to school.)

Tomorrow... ah, tomorrow... I'll try to begin on my Biblical background assignments.

Boy, I am feeling a little reluctant to return to school next week.

Wednesday

Had a sweet, blessed time meeting up with my sister, Rachel, today.

There's indeed nothing like having friends in the Lord, who encourage you to walk steadfastly in Him. I mean, I treasure all friendships and all my friends very much... but somehow... because I love God, friends who inspire me to grow deeper in Him and to live my life faithfully, are beautiful and special in their own way.

Rachel, thanks for making me feel so loved and refreshed. May God continue to grow our friendship! May we always be instruments of encouragement to one another. Love you so much!

I'm still not done with my OT Survey assignments. Hopefully, I'll be able to go 3 quarters of the way (to completion) before dinner - so that I can go for MLM training in church in peace! :D

Arrrgh. Ben's fish, Paul... and prawn, Barnabas... are... dead :( I am so, so, so, so sad....because Mary died just a few days ago. The day, Ben fell sick. (He's recovered btw, praise God!)

In the middle of the night....

boy... I actually like having to do book summaries.

Speed-reading is great - you don't have to read in depth. Scan through...pick out some examples...You just summarize and summarize and summarize... pluck a quote from here... and another from there... piece everything together so they make sense... paraphrase and voila! :P

Not much thinking required too...

It reminds me so much of primary school. We used to have to keep a buku rekod bacaan (reading log), in which we had to keep a record of the books we've read from the school library. There's one section in each page, whereby you had to produce a synopsis of the particular book read.

Sigh. Anyway, I have gotta return to my book summary...

Meeting up with Rachel in the morning for brunch. Hopefully I get at least half of the work done by then. Hardy har har...

A little bit of explaining...

Yesterday, I received a shocking bit of rumor about myself from a sister-in-Christ, who was rather discouraged about it herself...

"Grace Moo can afford to go to Poland, because her family is rich... and she has alot of contacts..."

Woah... *speechless* Firstly, this is the first time ever I've been known to be from a rich family. While I am a little flattered and half-sad that I look that way (if I do), NO, I am obviously not rich. At least not with earthly treasures and wealth. If you knew how my pockets are filled every month, if you've seen the place I now live at (reading my stalker-stories, you should get an idea...), if you knew how my family struggled to put me through the first part of my tertiary education (i.e. med school), etc - you would surely give glory to God.

Yes, perhaps I am rich...but like a brother, Kevin, said to me yesterday, "...in God we are rich..."

Secondly, it shows that you do not know me well - whoever you may be. I may have alot of contacts, but it doesn't mean that all my contacts could afford to contribute to my missions fund. In fact, many of my contacts are so distant (physically and relationship-wise), that I wouldn't even feel comfortable telling them about my needs... and many others are full-time ministry workers themselves, with similar struggles concerning financial support as myself. And no, I didn't email my contacts for money, go around asking for money or give out donation cards, like how we used to raise funds in school. I could have earned the money, but I didn't have the time to do so. I only asked for prayer... and of course, welcomed contributions from anyone who felt led to give. Most of the fund is made up of collected angpows this Chinese New Year (5% of the fund) and random love-gifts from closer circle of brothers and sisters in Christ, who knew that I couldn't afford to do it all by myself - what with my having to save up money for the upcoming months of living expenses and school fees. My beloved covenant sisters in Singapore and US, - Ji, Laura and Jia Lin - also generously blessed me - we support one another on regular basis anyway. Of course, there were a few people that I didn't know very well, who graciously contributed. Probably took them alot of faith. So there you go again, something else to give glory to God for... right?

I am more sad than anything, that this person who told that sister-in-Christ (who is waiting on God for provisions for the mission trip she would be undertaking) this yesterday, failed to see how this would discourage and affect her.

I mean, imagine... if you were waiting on God for provisions, and someone else were to tell you that it is unlikely that it would be so easy for you - because A is different from you, i.e. she is from a rich family and she has so many contacts (when that isn't even half true)... how discouraged would you feel? :( I know I would be discouraged, even though I know at the back of my mind that if it was God who has called me to this mission trip, He would provide all my needs.

People, we've got to watch the words that proceed from our mouths. May those be only edifying ones, which draw others to trust in God.

After a short MIA...

I've been away!

Busy, busy,busy.

Ministry, assignments (should be busier, but I seem to lack 'steam'), and my dear boyfriend is sick. Poor Ben! :(

But on a much happier note... PRAISE GOD! All my provisions are in for Poland Mission Trip. Thank you all for praying... and to all who graciously provided for it by faith (even though you don't know me very well) - I am deeply grateful. Thank you. Please continue to keep me in prayers as I prepare for this year's mission trips.

More blogging tomorrow.

Thursday

Church history paper is over. Thank God! MCQs were great. Essays... hmm, a little bit harder. I didn't write too good an essay on King Clovis' conversion and its consequences on the Roman papacy :P My mind was so blank. But never mind... at least the exam is out of my way now!

Now to focus on my OTS assignments, weekend ministry and etcetera...

Was running through the songs for this Sunday's praise and worship... singing, singing, singing... and it suddenly rained :P Hehe. A good long shower of rain too. I AM VERY VERY HAPPY ABOUT THE RAIN! At long, long last! I can't remember the last time it rained in Penang. Ah, you cannot imagine the gratitude in my heart! Praise God!

But why did it have to happen while I was singing? :D

Stressed

To top off my list of stressors, I bumped into The Guy at the mamak downstairs - who was casting sideway glances at me and secretly taking photos of me using his camera-phone the last time (a few weeks ago) :S

The last time, he changed tables so that he could sit facing me. Then he pretended to type a text message...I ignored him at first... but later I noticed that the phone was at an unnatural angle, and I realized that he was taking a picture of me using the camera function on his phone.

Today, he did it again! When I first came, he was seated with a group of guys at one table. Then, he left that group, and went to sit at a table facing me, all by himself. Then he behaved like he did the last time...sideway glances, pretending to text and all... Except it was a little more obvious than the previous episode - coz he started taking hasty photos of the container of utensils and his coffee cup (come on!!!) then he aimed his camera phone in my direction.... but oopsss....he forgot to turn off his flash! :P It was also somewhat creepier this time, because his food arrived much later than mine did - I finished eating first and paid... then I ran to the elevator using a different route.

Guess who I met standing near the elevator, seemingly about to use the public phone next to it?

Crap.

Now I am paranoid. So glad, Ben is coming over tomorrow.

of Mandarin drama, eros love, water in hands and such...

When I was a kid, I didn't know how adults could carry water in cupped hands. I would rinse my mouth from a mug everytime I brushed my teeth - because I couldn't bring enough water to my mouth with my hands. Later, I learned that you had to keep the gaps in between your fingers tightly sealed, so that the water couldn't escape (that quickly).

When I could finally catch the water with my small hands, I discovered another aggravating problem - I just couldn't stop obsessing over the tiny amounts of water that escaped through the tiny, irreconcilable 'crevices' - so much so that I forgot about the larger volume of water I was already holding in my palms. I would watch in dismay, as the water leaked out slowly...

Clever kid, huh? :P I ended up rinsing my mouth from the mug for many, many more years.

Watching a Mandarin drama on TV today, I came across a fascinating statement that went something like this, "Love (eros) is like the water you try to catch with your hands. The water that flows in between your fingers - you know it is not meant to be yours."

Ah, Mandarin drama, you say... but I was reminded first of all...that not all things are meant to be ours. And when that happens, we often respond in 2 ways: If it can be held onto, we would hold on tightly to it for our dear life, unwilling to part with it, till nature takes its course - and we inevitably have to let go, albeit with an aching heart... OR if it cannot be held onto (especially if it wasn't yours to have in the first place), we spend long periods of time in denial, bargaining and depression, still hoping that a miracle would land it on our doorstep someday.

This doesn't have to be eros love of course.

The question is - why do we get so consumed by what we yearn for and do not have, or circumstances that we wish to change/get out of... that we forget to appreciate our portion and our lot? Why is it so difficult to be contented in the place and position in time we presently occupy? Even more baffling is how we can be so thankful about things one day - and so discontented the very next day. How I can swing from being so joyful at one moment, and so troubled and affected the very next - even by the most trivial distractions.

Anyway, watching the Mandarin drama also reminded me of a very memorable season in my life... Back when I was contented, preparing and planning to graduate in 6 months time, and quite happy with my singlehood (you could also say that I had given up looking for someone to fit my ideals of a 'dream man' myself as a job too perplexing and distressing). Before that, just like many other girls, I used to have crushes on guys, whom I am glad (now) that God lovingly did not allow to reciprocate my feelings. They were like the 'water' that flowed between my fingers, I guess. LOL. I did get hurt countless times. But I was thankful for their friendships, really... because it was through these (and a close brother, who taught me much about guys!), I learned to be a good sister and friend, having no earthly brothers of my own. I finally arrived at September 2007 - a turning point in my life, which caused me to surrender all to God -and give up looking all together.

Ben came into my life after that. We started off very randomly as friends - I never spoke to him in church before that, and we had no intention for the friendship to develop into anything else deeper from the start. I loved him as a brother, and treated him as I would treat any other brother. (And I had plenty of good, neutral guy friends in my life by then). Likewise, he treated me as he would treat any other girl (And he had plenty of good female friends in his life too). I did not attempt to hide my geeky self when I was him. I did not bother laughing any gentler, dolling myself up when I met up with him for lunch, or behaving out of the ordinary just to be liked. I still ate as heartily as ever and gained weight from all that snacking while studying for my final exams. I studied, served in church, and kept close to God. In fact, I hoped that nothing would happen in between us, because I thought I'd be leaving Penang after graduation.

But well, while we were pretty contented in our friendship, things took an unexpected twist and turn, in God's will. The rest was history. More than two years have passed, and I still often wonder if I would have missed him and us, if I had continued obsessing over the 'water' that was flowing in between my fingers....

Tuesday

That dreaded Church History (part 1) paper today is now done and over with. *Gags* @_@ I don't know which recesses of my brain the learned facts from my textbook crawled into. When it was time to write the essay, my brain seemed to be turning somersaults - valiantly trying to regurgitate something for me to put down on paper. And the blood was draining from my face. Dot dot dot...

However I'd be honestly very ungrateful if I did not acknowledge that it was by God's grace I had managed to come up with some points. Thank You Lord! Apart from Him, I would have been floored!

Anyway...

I miss having good, long, heart-to-heart coffee-talks with my friends. Hehe. Recently, it seems like work has crowded out that part of my life quite a bit, in the past few weeks. Hope I'll be able to meet up with more people 2 weeks from now.

Yesterday's chit-chat with Nellie at QB was refreshing indeed. I feel MORE normal now! :D

Monday

Sorry guys, if my blogposts seems to be very unhappening for next 2 weeks... I'm under tremendous pressure to meet datelines, study for exams this week (starts tomorrow) and prepare for MYF youth retreat next week. Already broke (pockets-wise), after the first week of the month. Feeling pong-pong. And my laptop is still down after its revival at Acer... So it's frustrating. Ah, you have no idea...

I so want a new laptop :P

Stressed.

My weekend was ok. I was sick-ish.. Stomach boo-boos and crankiness the whole weekend (I slept whenever I could) - but I had TLC from Ben for that - so that made up for it pretty much! :) I even had choc-chip + cookie-dough ice-cream from Baskin Robbins on Sunday.

Finished writing the song for that upcoming EFCC ministry event. Praise God for the inspiration. Gotta show it to Aunty PS this Wednesday. One more item ticked off my to-do-list. Phew.

Saturday

Guess what? I didn't get to go to Yataimura with my friends yesterday afternoon, but my boyfriend (who did not read my blog btw) randomly brought me to Yataimura last night...for dinner :D How wonderful!

Today, I'm back to working. I have one song to write for an upcoming ministry event (halfway done) and then I gotta read my Church History textbook... also, to get ready for tonight's YACG bible study.

This month seems to be another month of spending :S After having purchased tickets for Poland Mission trip, I will also have to buy my tickets for Sarawak mission trip. MYF Youth retreat coming up soon - and I gotta pay up tomorrow actually. *Turns empty pockets inside-out to prove my point* Shall remember, 'Blessed are the poor...."

T.G.I.F

Was supposed to have gone out with some of my friends for Jap food in the afternoon. I still feel a little bad for fong fei kei (bailing out) at the very last minute. Sorry, people... :(

I went to Coffee Bean today, after lunch, just to get some time alone... and in a conducive environment. Read a magazine, read my Bible, did my quiet-time and sipped coffee ice-blended Mocha. It felt good. I needed it.

Today...

Slowly losing myself.
Honestly, I think I need to leave...
We will... but right now, I can't
It's just not the right timing
I'm sorry to have to plead...
but please will you wait for me?
Don't leave me here,
all on my own...
Coz I won't be able to go on alone...

Wednesday

I'm highly stressed at this point *chew nervously on fingernails*... I'm loaded with stuff to do and my OT survey assignments are due next week. And I have to study for 2 exams!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH...

As soon as I remember I have to do something, another thing pops up on my to-do-list.

Just drove back from choir practice at church. O God, please help me to stay awake for a bit longer!!!

Tuesday

Woke up very anxious today somehow...but praying in the car on my way to school afforded much comfort.

Anyway...

Today turned out to be a better day. Golly-schmolly! I am even ready for homework...

I got lost in church history class today. It was too wordy for words (ironic huh?), not visually-stimulating in anyway (sorry...but I am one who needs pictures/music for better mental stimulation)... and I kept drifting into what Ai Hua called, 'the faraway planet'. Of course I felt bad :P I didn't go to sleep but I started staring cross-eyed at our lecturer...the rest is history. Drank like a camel too, because of the hot weather and my burnt tongue (scalded it on Friday night) - and consequently, I kept running to the bathrooms in between classes.

Btw, Church history MCQs + essay exam is NEXT WEEK!!! @_@'

There were just too many things on my mind today - including a whole To-do-list AND how to transfer funds to my dad so that he would be able to get my plane tickets for Poland mission trip in time (by tomorrow). Now that it's all over, I heave a sigh of relief. Ah, praise God! Time to work on saving up for the rest of the trip. I still have got alot more to go, but I believe that God's provisions will come in soon.

Ben and I tried wall-papering one of the pillars in my house over the long weekend - and it turned out pretty nice! I wouldn't have agreed to wall-paper the other pillar if the result hadn't turned out as well as it had :) coz it is actually so tedious! Perhaps there's a better way of doing it - but oh well, there's a first for everything. We'll learn from our mistakes.

Phew...We're alive!!!:P

A trying weekend for me... and Ben - I believe it was a form of spiritual attack.

Prior to the Sunday I was supposed to give a talk to the youths in church YF on 'Eating Disorders and Self-image', these things happened over the 2nd half of last week:

1. I hurt my neck - so bad that I couldn't mendongak kepala, nod or rotate my neck for days... Ah, glad that the excruciating pain finally has subsided! :S

2. Ben lost his wallet on Friday - in Prangin Mall, and that was after we got caught in a religious demonstration in town + massive jam leading to the mall @_@. I guess the massive jam made us both pretty bewildered - that we forgot to be careful like we usually do. It was pretty troublesome... Police report, cancellation of cards, etc... and today we spent the whole day getting his new I/c, driving license, bank cards etc made... Thank God, they are 75% done.

3. My PC crashed on Saturday morning. Praise God, I had already printed out my talk notes on Friday! @_@ ACER service center finally opened today after shutting down over the weekend. My files and system were mysteriously 'corrupted' so that my lappie couldn't start up. My hard-drive was wiped empty! :( Not like I did anything extraordinary with my laptop before shutting it down on Friday. With so many assignments due so very soon, Ben had to transport his PC to my house, so that I can do my work over the next few days of laptop-less-ness...

4. It didn't help that I was depressed about something totally unrelated to the above throughout the whole weekend. I can't even share it here.

5. I was a meanie to my boyfriend :S (I'm so sorry, dear... :( Even though you have forgiven me, I still awfully bad about it.) I don't know how to make up for being a meanie.


The talk went ok. I didn't think I'd make it :P But praise God, the youths, Unc. Geam Liang and Aunty Valerie were so encouraging:)

Thank God, we're still alive, albeit exhausted!

I'm so reluctant to go to school tomorrow... :( *Boo hooooo*