Happy blog-anniversary!

Today marks the end of the 5th year, and the beginning of the 6th year since I started blogging. Golly-schmolly. How time flies. I feel like such a grown-up now.

I was only 19 or 20 then. An anorexic turned bulimic, half a globe away from home in a foreign land. Still battling eating disorders, depression and loads of other ailments... but it was a life filled with purpose. And I somehow felt that I ought to start blogging about it. To count my blessings. To remember God's faithfulness. To update my family and close friends about what He had been doing in my life.

Today, I'm where I am. Exceedingly and abundantly more than I could have asked or imagined in 2004. Healed of my eating disorders. Graduated, and going back to studying again! A whole new person. Bolder, grown, stronger (by the grace of God), seasoned, yielded and joyful. More in love with the Lord than ever. Through the seasons, He's been there. And I know, as He's been always faithful, He will be always faithful. Praise God.

I'm finally going to be off for my long-awaited vacation tomorrow. As such, I'll be on a blogging hiatus for a few days.

28th May -Today in history...

I do this occasionally. Pluck old blog posts from my old blog. Seems like 28th May has been a very stressful day for the past ummm, 5 years or so?

28th May, Year 2008

The overwhelming feelings of panic + dread are starting to course through me again...Think I will have to go sit in my prayer-closet for a while...before I start hyperventilate...

I've just spent half a day bending over my orthopaedics book (blogger's note: the book was Wen Foong's). I feel very, very nauseated now, thinking of traumatology, management of fractures, etc, etc... I've seen too many pictures, read too many words, stuffed myself with too many Jacobs cream-crackers (because the cafeteria downstairs is currently closed for renovations - and I had neglected buying stuff to cook beforehand), drunk too much coffee.. Gah. Such a wreck!:P I have not exercised for weeks, and I feel like every fibre of muscle in my body is sticking together, surrounded by growing lumps of fat!!! Horrors of many horrors, I am looking a tad bit rounder than I used to be. Haha. Oh-oh.

Our final exams timetable came out today...This is the phase right before exams, where denial turns into bargaining and depression...Haha.

It was indeed comforting to talk to my sister, Zoey, on the MSN - even if it was only for a little while. In the midst of all the crazy goin-ons...

Tomorrow, we have a class at 7am in the morning with Mr. Kingston (in which I would have to present my varicose-veins case), Dr. Malik's class later in the morning...then in the afternoon, we have a mock finals surgery written exam. Guess what - I am going to sit for it, without having revised my general surgery another round, because I badly need to finish reading my orthopaedics tonight.. I only hope I can remember what I studied about 2-3 weeks ago. So, so muddled up right now...

I wanna run....run far, far away from Penang, right now... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Will definitely look back, one day, and remember this very moment of my life...with amusement, maybe?:) Yes, please... (28/5/2009 - Yeah, I am looking back in much amusement now...)

God, please have mercy on me!!! Ok, ok...prayer-closet, here I come....

28th May, Year 2007

Obstetrics & Gynaecology exams are 3 days away - I'm feeling really unmotivated to peg at my books... Feel like a big couch-potato who only wants to sit on the sofa, watch TV, and sleep the whole day away. Sigh...

Please... anyone who finds me incredibly cranky and upset this whole week (or if I laugh uncontrollably for no reason) - you'll have to forgive me + accept me the way I am. I'm stressed now because I'm not stressed enough. Haha. Please don't tell me "Don't be stressed!" because you are going to exacerbate the stress. Don't worry la...it ain't that bad - I'm surviving on the joy of the Lord, which is my strength...and I'm not too worried, because I did study all throughout this term...but exams are still exams...and I don't think I remember everything I learnt this term right at this moment... (28/5/2009 - I think I sounded crazy)

To Zoey: sorry I haven't called you yet last weekend...Please give me 4-days grace...I'll definitely give you a call on Thursday...Lurve ya. (And p/s: u don't look dai bi in ur picture lar!:D Just very comel, that's all!)


28th May, Year 2006
Stressed!!!Very, very stressed..............................

So stressed. Good thing my condominium is not made of bread and cakes (like the witch's cottage in Hansel and Gretel) - coz I would definitely be chomping my house down. And other peoples' houses as well. Good thing it has a swimming pool. Good thing I can swim...

I have to go and see the doctor tomorrow. *Wail*

Didn't do much during the weekend. Mostly resting, watching TV, eating and sleeping....Have to continue my studying....

Praise God daddy called last night. I was so nerve-wrecked, that I was practically turning my wardrobe upside down. (I'm serious, I did!) I've been getting stomach-aches the whole weekend. I have a feeling, those are stress-related...I woke up with a stomach-ache today...

Went out with Lucas, Esther, Estee and Tyng Yu yesterday afternoon...We hung out together the whole afternoon...Lunch, Gurney Plaza and prayers...

Hafta go and print out my lecture notes now...

28th May, Year 2005

Amazing God!!! I have been really careless for the past few days..and sleepy as well. It's definitely not because I haven't had enough sleep. I mean, I have been sleeping my regular hours... Probably, it's the pre-exam syndrome, haha... again.

Anyway, I was careless enough to lose my RCSI student card (I think I lost it on Saturday in the UGC, but I didn't exactly find out until b4 I left for hospitals this morning...geez) Was kinda upset, had to admit; coz it costs 10 Euros to replace it! And, wow, 10 Euros is a lot to me - can buy a week's rations with that amount of money (well, for myself, at least!) So, I was praying while I was on the bus to Beaumont. God impressed upon my heart suddenly, that I ought to trust in Him more - Felt a sense of peace. I even went to sleep blissfully on the bus!

After hospitals, I rushed back to the college and re-applied for a new student card...We got it done, and I remember the Examinations Officer lady go, "It's 10 Euros to replace it.." Then she left me to her colleague... After my card was done, she handed it to me. I pulled out 10 Euros from my wallet. Amazingly, she shook her head, and said that it was ok, I didn't have to pay. Wow, praise the Lord!! And while I was going, "PRAISE GOD!!!!" in my heart, God was saying, "You woman of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Had a rather busy weekend - pulled out of swimming on Saturday, but went for worship practice at Mark's place... It was superb. We had a great time of chit-chatting after everything was over (if u are wondering what the topic was - Discipleship) - just Mark, Michelle and myself..then later, Mich and myself ended up at Tamryn's place for yummylicious Greek salad... YUM!!!

Later that evening, Michelle and I went to the UGC to watch, "Monster-in-Law" which was sooooo funny. I think we laughed the loudest... After the movie, I went home to spend some time with God and my beautiful laptop. Really loved it.

On Sunday, I was at church for half a day. Pastor Ray (who is now back Home with the Lord) was speaking on, "Suspicious minds - overcoming interpersonal offense". We had communion. Later, we went up to the IFI-cafe for lunch and fellowship. Cyn and I had cravings for ice-cream...so we went to the Australian Ice-Cream shop... before grocery-shopping. Our evening had to do with ALOT OF FOOD at Dennis' place - we ate our steamboat leftovers from our CG steamboat party on Friday. Dennis force-fed us, because he was desperate to rid his house of our leftovers:P ..Well, Lucas and Sze Ann were there as well, so we got talking!!! And I laughed so hard at our conversation, that my throat was constricted later. Hoarse. Dennis and Lucas were revealing to the 3 girls - what guys usually do on a buddy's birthday... How traumatizing. I'm glad to be a girl - we go out and celebrate, and eat, and talk...and don't do disgusting stuff. We ended up talking about bugs, grubs, and all kinds of even more creepy things...Then, I went over to Tamryn's place, before heading home.

I badly need the gym...I feel really disgusted with myself for such lack of self-control when it comes to food. (Still stuck with bulimia then)

28th/29th May, Year 2004

Went for worship practice today. Mark told us what worshipping means...to offer a sacrifice to God - in love,humility,reverence. It is not just as an act of service.

Shared my vision/burden with Pst.Mike (our student pastor) about going into fulltime ministry, and he agreed so much with it. Feels like a confirmation. I wonder what led Pastor Mike to make me do that assignment. My short-term goal is to get through medical school and successfully graduate, because I know that God wants to use me here - in the lives of people perhaps. Also, it would be a good time to get myself discipled and equipped. I mean, I have so much to grow. I can't even pray out loud when I'm standing with a group of people because I am afraid. I get the jitters when I have to do back-up vocalling on stage. When Pst. Mike made me share about my eating disorders at church, I was so timid. I think God also wants me to learn to wait on Him and rely on His strength - as difficult as it will be going through med school. I don't know if I'll ever work as a doctor, but I'm just going to trust in Him:)

Currently facing some financial problems now, but all I'm going to say at this point is: "Be glad, and rejoice, for the Lord our Savior reigns, and the joy of the Lord shall be our strength..." Amen.

Wednesday

Today, I had a morning of firsts...

It was the first time I've met up with my cousin (SH) and cousin brother-in-law for breakfast anywhere outside KL. We went to my favourite Mc-donald's fast-food joint along Greenlane (which is right opposite my church. Reminds me of Tailo too, since we used to spend many nights in Mc-donald's drinking caffeinated drinks and studying for POPGP final exams). It was my first time stepping into that place since they renovated it. I ordered my first Sausage Mc-muffin in ages. Hehe.

We sat around and chit-chatted for one whole hour...and then since they still had to wait for their car to be done (sent it for servicing), I drove them back to my house. Hehe, there you go... the very first visitors (other than Ben) to my humble abode in the 7 months I've lived under this roof! I guess they enjoyed exploring my 'cave' too. For the first time, I discovered that 2 cups in the house ain't enough when you've got guests! We sat in the living room chit-chatting again, then I drove them to the car-servicing centre... and we parted ways after that.

It was a great meet-up, I felt. God confirmed some things through SH's wise counsel, which I've been contemplating and questioning in my heart for the whole of last week. CBIL, who's ahead of me by a year in M.Div, shared his ups and downs of being a student at STM. It was really good preparation for me - I'm sure our meet-up today was indeed a divine appointment arranged by the hand of God! After comparing our syllabuses (the structure varies quite a bit, in between STM and MBTS), our course fees and etcetera, I truly rejoiced because I now know why God led me to MBTS and not to STM. Don't get me wrong! I'm NOT saying that one seminary is better than the other! It's just that, God had His reasons to put me here - and while I don't fully understand His purposes still, I'm finally starting to see light. Oh yeah. Indeed, God's will is not only wise, but it is kind too!

Extremely kind. I felt really forgiven for doubting Him so much...and umm, being 'rebellious' in so many ways, at times.

Indeed, His grace is HARD to understand.

We cannot understand why God chooses to still love and forgive us, lead us, provide for us, and direct our paths, when the one thing we find so difficult to do (in our sinful nature) is to obey Him and not sin... On top of that, the Father sent His Son to die in our place. To take upon Himself the judgement and deathly punishment we so rightfully deserve. The Bible says in John 3:16 - "...that whoever believes Him should not perish, but everlasting life." Whoever (whether you are rich or poor, learned or not learned, etc) accepts by faith the gracious gift of Salvation of which Jesus is Lord... will live.

Live. I don't know about you, but that sure sounds like fresh spring water to a parched soul. How many of us know what it is really like to live? Liberated, forgiven, accepted, reconciled, revived. To work in the most dreaded job, and yet rejoice. To be ill-treated, and yet have peace. To be persecuted, and yet be thankful. To be sad, and yet have hope. To have nothing, and yet be rich?

We're not just talking about forgiven sinners being able to enter Heaven, presented blameless before the King of kings, Lord of lords - when our physical finally dies. Eternal life doesn't only start there. We're also talking about living a life of abundance while we're alive in our bodies - on this side of eternity, that He enabled us to live, through the Great Redemption. (John 10:10) This, in no way implies the worldly concept of 'abundance' - a pain-free life, in which you eat off silver-platters, drive the most expensive cars, own luxurious houses, etc. We'll still have our problems, our distresses, our struggles, our illnesses, etc.

But...

What are all those worldly treasures compared to the assurance of believing in a God who owns the whole world (He made the universe after all!!!) and calls us His beloved children? Of knowing that He made you for a divine purpose and thus, calls you to a unique destiny through the fulfilling of His calling? The joy of living a life of purpose? The victory of knowing that we are more than overcomers in everything because Jesus conquered all principalities and powers through His death? The strength that comes from even knowing that the power that parted the Red Seas now dwells in us? The relief of knowing that we are loved and accepted, despite our sins and weaknesses by such a holy God? Of knowing that we've been forgiven of all our sins? The comfort of knowing that we are able to love and forgive, as God first loved and forgave us? The excitement of returning to an eternal Home to spend eternity with our Creator?

Grace. Like I said... is hard to understand.

But you know what they say? "We only can believe when we understand." I learnt today at MLM that we can only understand when we believe. If we can only believe when we understand, then there's no need for faith, is there?

I suppose heaven would be only filled with the world's top intellectuals then.

Chew on that.

To those who've been praying for me, thanks so much. I've finally made my decisions - and am perfectly at peace. God has been very faithful. Will share more about this much, much later along my journey through M.Div, when more things are settled.

Just came back from MLM class at church. Wondering if I should make myself a fruit-salad...

I received an award!!!!:)

To Natalie, thanks so much for the award!:) ~ and more than anything, for inspiring me with your life. It is through your victories and struggles, I am reminded of God's faithfulness in my own life - yesterday, today and forevermore. I pray that God would keep channeling His grace and comfort through you to other young women who stumble upon your blog! Ok, to pass it onto 7 girls:

1. Zoey, my lil' sister - for standing by me in prayer all this while, and giving me the courage to fight eating disorders when I had them
2. Pig
3. Rachel Chan
4. Lydia
5. Ji
6. Laura
7. Wee Lyn

To please Him...

Today's study was from Colossians 1:9-12...

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

Let me digress here.

I used to dislike it when my mum, who home-schooled me on many subjects we didn't learn/properly learn in school, gave her usual speech of: "Foundations are important. You lay down your foundation, and you get the most critical work behind you." Despite my countless inward groans whenever she said that, I carried that mindset/attitude into my higher education... In med school, foundation building was terribly important. To get to seeing patients, the more practical side of things, we had to have all the medical sciences in an iron grip. Not to mention sit for professional exams too. Anatomy, biochemistry, pharmacology, physiology, embryology, public health, epidemiology (eeeks, absolutely hate that!!!), pathology, microbiology, etc, etc. We couldn't expect to understand the very complex nitty-gritties in final med, if we didn't build ourselves a good base. In the few months before the final exam, I found myself referring to those precious gems of medical sciences quite alot - so that I could fully understand the diseases I had to learn, and remember what I had to remember for the exams.

More important than anything else, when I gave my life to the Lord and put my faith in Christ, it seemed to be something that He took extremely seriously. In Luke 6:46-49, He said:

"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to Me and hears My words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."

I'm filled with consternation to imagine myself in the shoes of the man who built his house on ground without foundation. (I'm the kind of person who gets scared when the wind howls extra loudly outside...or if the lightning strikes down a tree... or when the thunder is ear-piercing...or when our church car-park floods!:P) The moment the torrent STRUCK the house, it collapsed and it was completely destroyed! What terror and regret must have filled his heart.

In short, Jesus painted His disciples (and whoever was listening) a picture of a man who laid down for himself a firm spiritual foundation of knowing God and His will, and obeying Him. And he lived a life worthy of the Lord that truly pleased and blessed Him... I can imagine - the man must have borne fruit, matured in his faith and cultivated a heart of thanksgiving too, in time. When the storm finally came, all he had built upon the solid foundations could not be shaken. He endured til' the end!

Wow, what a powerful illustration! This makes me very thankful (you can't imagine!!!) and grateful that my leaders dedicatedly took time to disciple me and to make sure that I had a firm spiritual foundation - whether it was back in City Harvest KL or Every Nation Dublin. Judging by the number of 'storms and torrents' that had hit the territories of my life in the past 8 years, I would have slipped away from the Lord, and my 'house' would have crumbled to dust - if it weren't for these people.

To further summarize my point being, the foundation determines the size and strength of a building. A building never reaches its full potential height, if its foundation is faulty or inadequate. It would topple once it outgrows its base! I've played too much Jenga when I was a kid to doubt this fact!:P

A foundation brings purpose.

Anyway, back to Colossians 1:9-12....God inspires Paul to lay out the very foundation of living a purposeful life worthy of Him and pleasing Him in every way (this includes bearing fruit).

Knowing Him.

God fills us with the knowledge of His will through all wisdom and understanding that His Holy Spirit gives... but we've got to first open up the doors of our hearts to the sound of His knock, and let Him sit on the very throne of our hearts. We've got to be open to what He's doing in our lives through our circumstances, despite the trials. We've got to read His Word, and let it transform us by the renewing of our minds. That we may prove what is that good, acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:2) We've got to draw close to Him in worship. Pray constantly. Etc.

If you don't know somebody and what touches his/her heart immensely, you can't really please him or her, can you?

Many of us sincerely desire to please God, but we are not sure what foundation to build on. Some, like Martha, try to serve as hard as they can get. They get extremely busy - too busy sometimes, to sit at His feet. Some think His approval can only begotten if they spend long hours reading the Bible and fasting. They are guilty when they fail to live up to their own expectations. Some think we only can please him through full-time ministry. Some adopt certain styles of worship or certain postures of prayer which they deem more effective than the rest in reaching His heart. As a result, we spend too much time in indecision - vaccillating between different priorities, pre-conceptions and focuses.

But the Bible tells us about the primary thing. We've got to first get to know God and His will. This is the very foundation. Then we would be able to walk in the center of His will, and thus bear fruit in every good work, increase in the knowledge of Him, mature in our faith and and be thankful. Subsequently, we please God.

The stronger we build this foundation, the stronger the 'towers' that rise up from the ground. The more we are able to please Him.

The rest, we do as our faith allows us to. Who are we to say that God enjoys only hymns and not any other contemporary worship songs when we sing it heartily to Him?

Well, it humbles me that in the story of Luke 10:38-41, the Lord commended Mary for merely sitting at His feet. (vs 39). She didn't busy herself serving the guests like her sister, Martha... or allow any distraction for that matter to distract her from seeking the Lord wholeheartedly when He was there. She just sat at His feet, listening to what He said. Getting to know what burned upon His heart. (Here, I am sure Jesus felt very ministered to, even while He ministered to her.) Getting to know Him. And even with that, the Lord was pleased indeed. He saw her fruit-bearing potential and said, "Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her."

Some things stay unforgettable...

Tuesday

Before Pig thinks I've been eaten up by the monster roach in my house or I've dropped off from the face of this earth... I decided to blog today.

Shopping for low-cost, fragrant biscuits at Pulau Tikus...

Been MIA the whole weekend and yesterday too. Busy, busy, busy. Been pigging out on the biscuits I got from Pulau Tikus too! They are cheap but really yummy!!! *Slurrrp*

Watched 'Angels and Demons' on Friday night. Can't say that I really liked it extremely much, although it was pretty exciting and kept us at the edge of our seats. I've never really been a big fan of the series anyway. We went for tong yuen after the movie. It's a Chinese traditional sweet dessert soup, usually eaten to celebrate the break of the Winter Solstice in the Chinese Calendar. In Penang (I'm sure, in many other places too), you get to eat that all year round! Yummmm! Love the ginger water, and the big balls made from glutinous rice flour, then filled with chopped peanuts and sugar, or red-bean. It held just the right amount of sweetness (I opted for black cane sugar, instead of white sugar), and when I bit into the balls, the fillings oozed out and sent my endorphins soaring!

Was at church on Saturday afternoon for MPC. This session was even better than the first.

Had a good CG on Saturday night. Our CG went past midnight this time. @_@ But it was because we were spending quite some time in sharing and prayer. Good stuff. Someone finally broke her record of not going back home past midnight. Not me. Hehe. A sister-in-Christ.

Sunday - we met up with Aunty Ailin and Uncle Cheah after church, in the evening. They treated us to a meal at 747 (YMCA).

Monday was spent having coffee with the Lord (if you guys are wondering what that means, well, it just means, I go on a coffee-date with God. Take my journal along, read my bible, talk to Him, write in my journal, drink coffee, talk somemore...etc. It's just like how we'd go on any coffee-date with any friend. Just that the someOne I'm pouring out my heart to is invisible and sitting in the chair opposite to me.) Then there's also a mega sales going on in Jaya Jusco, and I snitched a good pair of bright pink heels for only RM10! It was so impressive and pink that I just had to buy it, since I hardly go shopping for heels and sandals anyway! I wonder what's that going to go with... *Thinks hard of the clothes in the wardrobe*

*Gulllllp* Just remembered that I have tons of laundry to do.

This week's going to be kinda heavy. But I'm really having fun. Will be travelling in and out of Penang from this Friday onwards. Hoping for good weather. First to Langkawi for 3 days... then back to Penang for one day. And to KL on the 2nd of June (Tuesday). Will be bus-ing back to Penang on the 5th of June.

Then tomorrow morning, I will be meeting up with.... my cousin, SH and cousin brother-in-law!:) Yeah, CBIL is actually from Penang, and the both of them are back in Penang for a break. (Term-break should have already started at STM) And I got a happy surprise when SH called me yesterday night. Yipppeeees! Can't wait. The last time we talked, back in CNY, I was still pretty unsettled about life. My applications with MBTS were only half-done, I hadn't gone for the interview yet, I was pretty unhappy about many things... But today, it's all different! Praise God.

Something CBIL (who's also a seminary student in another seminary in Seremban) told me back then: "When you finally do get into the seminary, don't think it's all heaven there! There ought to be all kinds of interesting characters, since we are yet imperfect human beings!"

Pretty much prepares me for June, hey! Geez, thanks, CBIL!:P But yeah, precious words from a precious brother who's gone ahead of me.

Then, it's lunch with Pig tomorrow... looking forward to it! Yeeah! And MLM at church at night...

Lots of laundry to be done today. (Why am I repeating myself?) I haven't gone to see the doctor for my back yet, btw...but it's feeling somewhat better surprisingly. Must be all the prayers. Thanks guys!!!:)

Friday: For an extra credit...

The seminary wrote back to me and told me, "Yes, you can add one more course, as long as you can handle the work."

That sounds a little scary... Well, at least I have a week in between the 2nd course and 3rd course, to piah all my assignments...

There was a gigantic, mean-looking cockroach scuttling about in my apartment last night. I saw it in the dark, got a shock, and upon a closer look - it freaked me out... being so fat and black. I kinda froze in my tracks. Think it saw me too, and got frightened. So it ran behind a cupboard. And I'm not interested to find out if it's still there. I was just too exhausted to go on a wild-goose (roach) chase, armed with a broom. Also, it would have done more damage to my back.

*Help!!!*

I might take the easy way out. There's a insecticide spray specially for roaches. And another one for lizards. I saw them in Tesco's the other day, when I was shopping for church supplies. I guess my condition warrants the purchase. But....

I don't want to have to pick-up the lizard and roach myself after they suffocate!

Lunching with Ben today. I'm excited, coz I don't usually get to do this on a weekday or actually, I've never gone out with him for lunch on a work-day. TGIF!

Blessings, more decisions...and etc...

Was invited to Daniel and Jane's home for a small, relaxing gathering last night with some of his CG people, who also happen to be my friends at church, haha :P Pizza-dinner, fellowshipped, I was asked to do a simple sharing (I think I was very geeky :S)...and then they prayed for me and blessed me with a love-gift. Thanks so much, dear brothers and sisters! I was way, way touched - don't think I can describe that fully with words. Makes me remember how the Lord is always watching over me and providing for all my needs. Indeed He does that for all His children.

Pig told me that I'd better be a good girl and study hard. Her words are still echoing in my head. *Help!!!* :D

In the past few weeks, I was in a dilemma what to major in, for M.Div. There's one area, which I felt very strongly God was leading me to, even before I saw what majors they offer at MBTS - but it seemed rather big and scary (to me at least). So I kinda looked at another area, and decided to pick subjects that would be important for both majors. Hehe, it's a bit like 'playing safe'.

Funny. Yesterday afternoon, I picked up the academic catalogue to look at my term dates, term breaks (yeaaay!:P) and term schedule again. Actually I wasn't intending to look into the major thingy... but rather, I was counting the cost and my living expenses for the coming term (yes, again!) - I've never been so money-conscious in my life! Then I arrived at the page on which the different majors and their respective credits had been listed out. And I kid you not - I still feel very led to the 'Scary major'. But now, it doesn't seem that scary anymore! In fact, now I feel the peace to major in the 'scary major'. Amazing how God patiently and lovingly works on one's yielded heart, even while the mind is fickle and the flesh is weak. So I wanna check with the seminary if I can take one extra course this coming term.

Many more decisions to make in the next 2 weeks. God, grant me discernment! I know some open doors may not be open doors from the Lord - and to walk through any of these doors, it would be a move that ensnares. I am really not being over-spiritual here. Blind faith is honestly something I want to stay clear of. Really am appreciating all your prayers here!:) I covet them.

Finally, my tickets to Sandakan are booked! I have yet to pay back my dad the money! I am looking forward to the mission trip indeed. Hoping to be able to do another ministry trip to Singapore this year. If God wills and provides.

...also, my trip to Langkawi next week! Wowww! So excited!

...and KL soon...

Anyway...

I came home to my laundry. (Ah the bliss of Thursday-night washings...and the sight of the clothes hanging out to dry - makes me feel so contented and happy. Coz I know I'll have clean stuff to put on soon!) Talked to Ben on the phone too, which really made me even happier and encouraged me, as always.

Lower back pain seems to have gotten a little worse today, despite not exercising. I hope it goes away soon. If not, I'll have to go to the GH orthopaedics department. *Gasssps* Now I don't have my medical personnel privileges anymore *Gasssssssps* - haha, cannot cut queue! I don't want physiotherapy! Or back X-rays! Or my 3rd-med/final-med juniors checking-out my spine! Or Dr. Alif making one of them examine me!

Today's already Friday! Days, don't go by so fast!!! Please!!!

Thursday - Eat-Mango-Marathon...

I'm kinda on an eat-mango-marathon right now to finish up all the mangoes in my refrigerator, before they go bad... it's been fantabulous. I am an avid mango-lover, and I've not grown tired of the refreshing fruit so far. And since they are such rich blessings from a very kind somebody (who has the burden to ensure that I'm well-fed and healthy - I receive fruit every week! Mostly apples. But in the recent few weeks, this dear person has been giving me mangoes too), I'd feel terribly bad if I allowed them to go to waste. Yesterday, I had a big, fat Indian mango (I assume it's from India, since the label says 'Indian Mango')... and today, I have two more ripened local mangoes to savour.

I think back in Dublin, what I missed most from home was the variety of tropical fruits we have all round the year. In Dublin, I seemed to find myself eating alot of oranges, tangerines, and bananas. The rest I couldn't afford to splurge on too often. Occasionally, someone would bless me with plums, berries and peaches.

The mango is a superfruit. One of the most extensively exploited fruits for cooking recipes thanks to its juice, flavour, fragrance and colour and drinks like Lassi, its leaves are also used as floral decorations at weddings and certain religious ceremonies. It's no wonder, the mango is also the national fruit of India and the Phillippines!

Since I'm a fan of nutrition, let me tell you what a precious gift the mango is to mankind!

The mango is rich in:

• prebiotic dietary fiber; starch and pectins
  
• Vitamin A,B6 (and many other B vits), C, E and K
• dietary minerals such as potassium and copper
• 17 amino acids
• other phytonutrients such as the pigment antioxidants (carotenoids and polyphenols) in mango peel and pulp - these counteract free radicals in various disease mechanisms. Up to 25 different carotenoids have been isolated from mango pulp - the densest content for which was beta-carotene accounting for the yellow-orange pigmentation of most mangoes. Some of the polyphenols are effective inhibitors in lab models of prostate and skin cancers.
  
• omega-3 and omega-6 polyunsaturated fatty acids.

So, guys, eat mangoes!!! =)

I've never had so much time for Laundry and Housework before!:P Or quiet-time. Or books. Or my beauty sleep. Ahh, the bliss! Am absolutely enjoying my holidays to the max =)

Yesterday, I finished reading a book by Will Davis Jr (who's the founding and senior pastor of Austin Christian Fellowship church in Austin, Texas) - which really compelled me to pray bigger prayers.... bigger, bolder, more direct, more specific prayers. And flex my faith muscles a bit more.

Wednesday night power cut..

Electricity-supply in my whole block got cut. The corridor lights are back on...and the elevators look like they are working... but the apartment units are swamped in darkness. Some generator problem I guess. I'm currently sitting in my living room, with my doors and windows wide-open to catch some wind and light. The kids in my block are of course super excited - and are making quite a racket @_@. Looks like fun, but I ain't going out.

Thank God for the cool breeze after the rain! Not much of a starry night, and the moon's hidden by swirls of clouds tonight. But nevertheless, I'm cool with that.

*Lights in my house came back on here.... and I was distracted from my blog, talking to our dear sister, Pig*

Wednesday

Some weekend pictures...

Church-grounds on bright and sunny Saturday...

While driving to church that day, we spotted a HUGE hair-raising, toxic-looking spider climbing up Ben's side-window, which disappeared somewhere...so there he was trying to jolok around with a stick, to see if the spider was hiding anywhere in the car...Didn't find anything btw.

Yummy beef noodles at Lebuh Chulia (I think at the cross-roads of Beach Street and Lebuh Chulia) - it was so delicious, that I almost wished that I could have another bowl of it, even after finishing my 'Large'-sized order. What I liked about it the most was the soup. It was neither too salty or oily, with the right amount of beefy taste in it. The beef which came in 3 forms - lean fillet meat, tender bony meat and meat balls - went very well with the noodles (yellow mee and kuey-teow), shallots, spring onion bits and fresh bean-sprouts. Love it that they didn't over-cook the meat. The only thing I did not like about it was the crispy bits of fried pork skin swimming in the soup, haha. I think it's an acquired taste - I never liked fried pork skin anyway.

Ben and I waiting for our heavenly beef noodles to arrive at our table.

The shop was facing a busy junction, and we had a ball of a time trying to snap pictures of the passing cars, while waiting for our food to arrive. Haha.

Major decisions to make this week and the next about financing my studies at the seminary the coming terms. Brothers and sisters, do pray for me that I would act prayerfully and make God-inspired choices. I know I don't exactly share much about the issue on my blog, because I don't feel like I ought to at the moment, but I would really appreciate prayers. Need to hear ONE voice right now - the Spirit-conviction upon my heart. Life is being very challenging at the moment... Nevertheless, it's an exciting adventure that I'd never want to miss-out on!

This morning, I drove past the sea - and the sky was so marvellous with the mountains in the back-ground that I just had to take a picture of it! Look at the grand spread of clouds - can anyone imagine them to be merely made up of condensed water vapour, which then break up again into a concert of raindrops to water the earth?

Met up with Rachel this morning for breakfast and coffee, since she only starts work in the afternoon today. Thank God for a nice-shaded parking lot for my car, right in front of the place we were going to meet-up! It was such a beautiful morning of prayer, sharing and exhorting one another, despite our burdens. We visited the Baptist Bookstore in Pulau Tikus after breakfast. I was intrigued by some of the books, and nearly bought them - but Rachel (who also happens to be my personal library btw) caught me just in time, and told me that she would lend them to me instead. Here's to more Tozer and Elliot books on my book-shelf soon! :D

Back problems again. It hurts to arch my back, bend forward, or sit down for too long. Then occasionally, there are muscular spasms from the lower back to the gluteus maximus. I feel ...old... :P I'm trying to watch my posture. Ben suggested going to the doctor's and physiotherapy again - and I shuddered at the thought. I'll see if more swimming helps. Swam a short 1 km yesterday morning, after a long break from the pool - and felt pretty good and pretty at home in the familiar drags of water all around. I know this will sound corny - but I felt FREE!:) Will gradually increase my distance back to 2 km, when my stamina resumes. Think I will avoid all exercises that tense my back for the moment - till the pain subsides.

Gotta go and get some work done now.

Tuesday

Was lying in bed last night unable to fall asleep, when I suddenly remembered a dear friend and sister-in-Christ, who's kinda slipped away from the Lord. It brought alot of sorrow to my heart and tears to my eyes, remembering the times we were able to pray and worship God together, those days when we'd walk to church and prayer meets together, serve in church, have long heart-to-heart sofa-chats, attend harp-and-bowl, etc. Now those seem to be a mere memory, a shadow the yesteryears...and everytime we get in touch (if we do get in touch), she'd kinda avoid the topic, and if I mention it, she'd sorta be very vague and quickly change the subject. I don't know what to do about that indeed. *Big sigh* I've not heard from her for ages indeed. Definitely miss her very much, and I'm praying and hoping that she would return to Him.

Anyways....

I had lovely meet-up with Nellie yesterday afternoon. We sat in Sakae Sushi from 12-3.30pm -eating sushi (her treat!) and talking at the top of our voices (or rather I felt...I don't know if it is my imagination or what, but we were kinda noisier compared to the rest of the patrons..). About everything. Her work in Edinburgh, my work at church, her CG, my CG, church, girlie stuff, make-up, etc, etc. 

Texted tailo later. And he sounded really sad for some reason. Like he really missed being able to spend time with his friends and family. Actually, it's not only him. Another brother, YH, texted me the other day, to relate to me the stuff he's lost touch with after housemanship began. I yearned to comfort them *Smile turns upside down* but there's only so much SMS-es can do. It makes me sad too, that I can't fully relate with them - because I did not go through what they are going through. My journey as their comrade had to stop at graduation - coz I was called to take the Road Less Taken. But, I only can pray that they would find their hope and joy and strength in the Lord. 

So guys, do appreciate your general hospital doctors more - you have no idea how much they've gone through just to be there. All the sacrifices. All the hard work. Yeah, I mean, all doctors have to go through that - but in the later years, you have the option to stay in government service or enter the private sector. I take off my hat to those who opt for the 1st option! It does mean a lower pay than the private doctors - but these GH doctors are the most passionate doctors in the world! 

After having gone through all my rotations in the Penang GH (back in my PMC-days), I cannot understand why people would rather go to private hospitals claiming that private hospital specialists are better qualified, etc. I'd understand if they admitted that they didn't mind (and can afford) paying extra for more comfort and privacy. But, to say that GH gives crappier services and consultations than other places - this seems like an unfair over-generalization, doesn't it?

Ok, I digressed. Anyway... 

...after all that, I ran some errands (as usual), sat down for my weekly coffee-with-the-Lord, walked around Queensbay, had a yummy home-cooked dinner with Ben's family and we all sat down to watch 5 more episodes of the HK drama, 'Rosy Business'. It got us perching at the edges of our seats in mixed feelings of anticipation, frustration (at the bad people), being highly entertained (at the antics of the good people) and in an almost tormenting suspense. Or, at least I thought so! We don't usually go on Cantonese drama marathons like that unless the parents claim that it is a good one. The last one I participated in was Moonlight Resonance....but that was months and months ago. Today, we are all going out for Bak Kut Teh dinner in town after Ben's done with work and watching another movie at Cathay - thanks to Ben's mum's friend, Aunty SK - who got us 4 free tickets to watch 'I Corrupt All Cops'. @_@ Hehe. With all that movie-watching, I'm also spending alot of my free-time reading and doing some research. So, it's time well-spent after all. Currently, I'm re-reading 'The Purpose Driven Church' by Rick Warren. It's a really good book. I remember reading this book 9 months ago, and feeling very motivated. I would highly recommend it - especially to CG Leaders and those involved in the ministry. 

Today, I'm thinking of going swimming too... since ehem, I have been not exercising for more than a week.

Monday

Had an awesome weekend. 

For one thing, I'm officially off work now... so, I'm feeling pretty relaxed. While I did feel a little sad on Friday doing all the things I've grown so used to for the very last time (giving instructions to the care-takers for the weekend, pinning up notice-board articles, copying sermon CD's, dealing with the Sunday bulletins, etc, etc), I was rejoicing while I drove out of Trinity. For the very last time, as a church staff. After this, it's M.Div at the Baptist Seminary in Batu Ferringhi.

Then... Ben and I celebrated our anniversary with a movie at Cathay's on Friday night. We watched Mongol. It was pretty good (highly recommended), and we were so blown-away by the beautiful sceneries of Mongolia shown in the movie - being avid nature lovers. Our anniv. kinda went beyond a day, coz he could only give me his pressie the following day. It was a most meaningful one too. He brought me to church for MPC. I was very surprised and touched when I found out, coz I didn't think we'd go this round. It's a very helpful course indeed. I will perhaps write more about it at the end of 5 weeks, for the benefit of those who intend to make it for the next round.

We were paiseh when we went in, and saw that the tables have been nicely set with candle-light. LOL. There was even coffee, tea, sweets and etc kindly prepared by Uncle Lai Keat and Aunty Connie. Pastor Woo and wife, Soe Keat were conducting the course. There were 3 other couples in the class, apart from us. Yesterday's topic was on 'Communication'. We were given an opportunity to do 'role-playing' too...haha. 

My present to him this year is an album/scrapbook of our year in many pictures, narrations, letters and prayers - therefore I named it 'a Chronicle of 365 days'. Hehe. (If you were wondering what all that mystery was about - I couldn't really blog about it, coz I was afraid that Ben might read my blog anytime.) He liked it very much, thankfully:P I'm glad, coz I did enjoy myself making it, myself. It made me reflect on the goodness of God and His faithfulness through the year.

Saturday night - we had a wonderful time at CG. Ben, Matthew, Aichoo, Kok Loon and myself. We met all the way from 8 plus to 12pm, worshipping God together, discussing The Father Heart of God, sharing, praying.... then just when I thought we had ended, we began sharing again... It was a most fruitful time indeed, and I was very blessed.  

Sunday was really lazy. The sermon at church really refreshed me, especially the part about the Eagle. I'm too rushed for time to write anything about that now. 

Meeting up with Nellie today for lunch:) Ah, love the holiday. Must make the most of it while it lasts...

To Ben and myself...

Happy anniversary!:)

Psalm 118:24 -

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."

It's been a long year. We've been through all kinds of ups and downs. Our individual lives have taken on much change and transitions. Happier moments and more challenging ones. Fun times and not so fun times. Yellows and greys. Oranges and blues. Roses and thorns. Haha. All in all, it has been a year of learning to work as a team, to accept one another's icky bits and to love unconditionally. Personally, it has taught me the power of prayer. To those who've been praying for us with love (especially my family, tailo and sisters in Singapore), thank you so much. To my former CG leaders, Tairven and Wee Lyn who counselled Ben from the very beginning (hehe), those who've ministered to us directly/indirectly (you know who you are) and pastors (J and W) who've been ever so supportive, you have my earnest gratitude.

-----

And dear Ben, you are such a beautiful blessing to me.

-----

In the past week or so, I was looking through all the photographs I took of us in the past year (as well as those pictures that came from the trusty cameras of Tairven, Matthew and B.Teh), and was filled with thankfulness for the richness the year had to offer, despite its storms. Indeed God has been so merciful and faithful to us.

Thank You, Lord.

I'm believing God for an even more meaningful year ahead. A new year would offer many new challenges, yet many precious lessons to learn. It is therefore my prayer that we would continue to honor the Lord with our relationship and centre it upon Him...that we would keep growing to love and accept one another. I hope we'd be able to be a blessing to our families and friends as well.

To a dear Someone...

... you are you...

And tonight, I thank God for a year of laughter and precious times
the tough bits as well as the easier stretches...
the special moments etched into my memory
may they never grow less...

Somemore random stuff - on Thursday...

Eczema reared up its ugly head yesterday - and now the anterior aspect of the elbow is itching mad. Well, it could have been restricted to a tinier area... but me and my itchy fingers - I absent-mindedly scratched and scratched last night - and it spread. Crappy crap...

HELP!!! I think I need mittens for damage control.

Rights. I shall stop myself from going into lengthy details about the rash. Hope the Zyrtec (antihistamine) I bought today will work. Hate the allergies.

Been a little too lax and lazy about exercising in the past week. I haven't done any since last week, Friday... My body is already protesting. I'm feeling all sluggish too, after all the eating. (I suspect that the WTR expanded my appetite a lil' bit, hehe... and I've been craving junkfood for the past few days!) Someone, motivate me please. Hopefully, since I'm going to be jobless in the next 2-3 weeks, I'd find some good solid workout time. Apart from meeting up with people, settling my stuff, going for my vacation and etc that is. I also realize that I need to resume a balanced diet, and say NO to food when I am really full.

Looking forward to meeting up with Nellie (who's back from Scotland) for lunch this coming Wednesday (at Sakae Sushi, yum yum - I don't know what is it with me and my obsession over Jap food + sushi)... and Rachel for dinner the following day. Was supposed to meet up with her this evening, but she couldn't make it last minute (it happens all the time since we are both such busy people:D) - and I reckon we won't be going to Sakae Sushi next week, since we were there for our last meet-up.

Need to pray, need to pray, need to pray. Dear friends, please keep me in prayer regarding my provisions for studies. I will need to buy air tickets to fly to Sabah for a mission trip in August too... so I will need provisions for that too. Thanks so much.

Wednesday

Something random.

Nobody is spared from troubles, trials and tribulations... What could be worse than all these combined is loneliness. I am really glad and thankful to remember today, the beautiful people God's hand-picked to walk with me through the different stretches of road, no matter how tough a season. Those who've been encouraging, helping, lending a shoulder for my to cry on or merely praying. So far. However, I often wonder if it would come a day, when I'd be totally alone in my stand. Misunderstood, forsaken, persecuted or mocked. It helps remind me that we have to ultimately learn to depend on God and lean on Him alone... and we have to start this very moment in time, even. Man may fail us anytime. Our loved ones may fail us. Those we trust may disappoint. We may fail ourselves... but Psalm 73:26 says that God is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. Eternally. He never fails nor forsakes us.

I can't imagine Jesus having to go to the garden of Gethsamane on His own, to wrestle with that soulish agony of forseeing the portion and cup He soon had to drink and the moment of which He knew His Heavenly Father would have to turn His face away from Him....

Anyway...

My day was fair. Just came back from the MLM class at church not too long ago, and I'm really tired. There was some turbulence in my tummy all day long - and I'm now sipping hot tea to help relieve it. I'm craving for salty potato chips, and there's nothing left in my house to snack on but Jacob's cream crackers, Iko Oat biscuits, another tin of oat biscuits (I am partial to them oat biscuits, I am!), apples, mangoes, healthy nut+raisin cereal, soybean milk...

So super healthy snacks indeed... Sigh. Should be proud of myself... but here's one of those times I wish I took home some of the remaining junkfood from our WTR the other day. What wouldn't I give for a tiny helping of Double Decker right now?:P

I must mention something really funny here. Ok, not that funny - but ummm, during our WTR, our dear Pig, who was my roommate, concocted a song on my handphone with the composition function. It's kinda complicated. You can choose what u want to put in for the intro, verse 1, verse 2, chorus, etc... They have sequences tunes and rhythms for you to choose from. Quite cool if you put them together nicely... but, but, but... all we had was a weird, weird concoction I must say... A combination of Scary and Salsa... (to quote Pig). Plus Pig put in one full bar rest in the middle of the jig - and the song would pause out of nowhere (like in Musical Chairs)... before continuing jubilantly. LOLx. Gives me the creeps too, coz part of the song reminds me of old carousels and scary clowns... ARGH!!!! We used it as an alarm clock ring tone to wake us up in the mornings during WTR - and since then, I haven't changed anything.... But, it is starting to lose its effectiveness on me leh. Well, for one thing, the tune is... ANNOYING! It's that kind, which after you've snoozed a few times, you just turn it off... and wake up much later. And that has been happening to me in the past few days. Mujurlah, tak lewat ke tempat kerja...

So I guess, I'm gonna change it back to a more 'sane' song tonight. So sorry, Pig:P But, I really tried. I did... Um, you still want me to bluetooth you your song?:P

2 more days to CO365D's unveiled. Hehe. (Sorry for being so anal about it...)

Some more WTR pictures

Courtesy of Tairven and Matthew...

Dunno how Peky and I always manage to end up in the same group... LOL! Love this one by Tairven... super artistic!

Not exactly a group-hug...we were just trying to keep one another from falling off the 'boat'...Wheeeeee!!!! Passing the marble from longkang to longkang...Grace: "No fair...You are taking all my junkfood..."
Ben: "Ok, ok.... one last handful of Marmee...and the rest of the packet is yours..." Pastor Woo and Dr. Herbert (our speaker)Late night mamaking session on our last day... after movie and Uno at Mell's room:P

3 more days to...

... the CO365D's unveiling itself... :)

Chewah...

If you guys can't make head or tail out of this, will explain later. (In fact nobody else but Zoey and I know about this... so my mei-mei, please SSSSSHHHHHHH...) Umm... after the 15th May 2009 is over that is. It's nothing too drama le. Just that I can't contain my excitement now... You know how it feels to have worked over a project for a long time - and you finally complete it!:) All that nolstalgia and victory jumbled into a whole mass of jitters... of having to finally present it!
It's got nothing to do with COPD... COAD, etc, etc... or whatever u are trying to think of.

Pig, it's got nothing to do with my article assignments - which btw, we were supposed to be discussing, but I conveniently forgot!:P

Also, it's got nothing to do with my resigning from my job:P But yeah, for those of you who do not know yet, I happen to be resigning from my post as CMC at Trinity this Friday as well...

*Gulp* I can't imagine how it is going to be like not having to do the stuff that I've been doing for the past 9-10 months. But... here's to a new start!

So, it ought to be quite a historical day.

And oh, before I forget, those who are on my Gtalk list under the CMC account (careminc@penangtrinity.org), please add me at gracemelodymoo@gmail.com if you haven't done so. I will be not using the Careminc account from this Friday onwards...and I don't know how it works,... but it may be a different Care-ministries Coordinator answering your messages :D LOLx.

3 more days... 3 more days... 3 more days...

The weekend, and Mother's Day celebration...

From left to right: Louise, Jane, Peky, me, Angeline, Chee Tyan, Wee Lyn

Was a great weekend indeed. Felt a little sorry when it had to come to an end. I have been looking forward to the WTR for a long, long time - so when it finally came, it was pure indulgence! *blissful sigh* The company of my brothers and sisters in Christ, a nice room (although our bathroom would be flooded after every shower!), a fantabulous roommate, fellowship, Dr. Herbert's sermons/sharing, worship, times of reflection, fun and games, food, late-night Uno-games, mamak session(s), etc, etc. It was such a refreshing weekend. For one thing, I have been feeling very tired of late - and this WTR gave me a fresh touch from the Lord in many ways.

I think I even enjoyed this year's retreat more than the one last year (at Pulau Jerejak Resort). I remember myself going for the last one with depression coz I had just lost my wallet along with my important documents inside (which subsequently gave me alot of headache reapplying), I was cross with someone, it rained all the time in Jerejak and etc, etc. Hehe. Thankfully, God did not short-change my faith in going, and I had a marvellous time - made many new friends too. But this year, somehow, I was more mentally and emotionally prepared for the WTR - so, it sorta benefitted me more, I feel.

Sunday, we were back from WTR flopped out - and spent the rest of the day doing a little gardening (and feeding the mozzies) at Mini Taman Negara, watching Hong Kong TVB series on DVD, dinner at Chopper Board QB and then we watched X-Men: Wolverine at GSC.

Yummy Chopper Soup at Chopper Board Restaurant

We just had a Mother Day's celebration last night for Ben's mum:) We could have had an earlier celebration (on Sunday), but Ben's dad was away that evening, and his mum didn't think she would enjoy MD's celebration as much without him around (awww........so sweet...... >o<) - so we waited til' last night. The whole family - including Xu Wen (James' gf) and me - went for a meal at Nippon Yataimura restaurant at Queensbay Mall. Didn't take any photographs (what a pity), but it was a great time, the parents tried all kinds of new foods, and I think Ben's mum was truly blessed. Hehe. She even eagerly offered to pay the bill at the end of our meal, rationalizing that since it was Mother's Day, she, as the mother, would be able to pay the bill - *pengsan* - which of course, we wouldn't allow her for words! Ben quickly went to the counter to settle the bill, before his mum could do anything funny. All of us went for kai kai after dinner was over.

Ben's mum, whom I affectionately call 'Auntie', is one of the most amazing mothers I've known. I can testify that, coz she's been such a mother to me. I feel that even while my mum has gone home to the Lord ages ago, He has been very gracious and merciful to bring another 'mother' like Auntie into my life - and I am very comforted. Sometimes, while it makes me very paiseh and guilty (I seriously don't feel that I deserve all that:P) when she sacrificially goes so many extra miles to pamper me and give me so much tender-loving-care (seriously one ok - it's like....you know the Cantonese proverb, "Sek toe ngo loong..."? - which means 'Sayang me until I hangus/burn'), I feel really touched and blessed. The many wonderful meals she's cooked for me, the things she'd offer to do, the times when I was ill and she'd make me porridge, she buys fruit for me every weekend and is never hesitant to share with me whatever she finds yummy, the funny things she's said and done that brought laughter and cheer to my heart, her support for me in many ways (that helped me get through the past year especially), etcetera, etcetera... Amazing woman. It humbles me that although she's not a believer yet (we are still praying for her salvation), she does emulate the Proverbs 31 woman in many ways - and is such beautiful inspiration to me. Not to mention, she's such a hospitable person to our friends whenever they come over to Ben's place for CG on Saturday nights! (Ben's dad as well - they are one amazing couple who lovingly treat me like one of the family!)

Love you very much, Auntie. Happy Mother's Day!

That was my Mother's Day this year.

I'm on leave today from work.

Back from the WTR...

Worship Team Retreat was fantabulous... It was well-organized, I enjoyed the retreat and I had a cool room-mate:P who thought I was weird... 

Oh well...

Haven't gotten my pics uploaded... but here are a few pictures from Ben Teh's photography site (imejworks.com) for teasers...

Enlarge the place of your tent!

Today's challenge was seared upon my heart by Isaiah 54:2-3

"Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide;
do not hold back.
Lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities."

This was God's Word of preparation to the Israelites in their Babylonian exile and captivity thousands of years ago, with a promise to break the curse and shame of their barrenness and disobedience.

The Word imparts such a glorious vision! I believe God spoke it with the same gravity and urgency as that of when He said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people, and your father's household to the land I will show you.. and I will make you into a great nation...." (Genesis 12:1-2)

Just do it! Don't hold back. This is where I begin!

Today, Isaiah 54:2-3 spoke personally to me. My dad used to tell me how my mum was such a very careful person. Over-careful sometimes. I guess I inherited that trait! My boyfriend gently told me the exact same thing not too long ago! *Sheepish grin*

I'm not a very adventurous person by nature (told you guys how I climbed the rocks at Stella Maris' beach like a robot, while Ben jumped from rock to rock as easily as a frisky mountain goat -didn't I?:P), I take ages to make a decision, I can get terribly fickle-minded about things coz I'm afraid of making wrong choices and failing, I hate making mistakes and bearing the losses they may bring, I give up very quickly when I don't get all my ducks in a row (*Quack!!*), and it takes quite some time for me to let go of my fears and take risks. I tend to stick to things that have been proven to work (including regimes, methods, etc, etc), do not adapt well to sudden changes (makes me cranky) and I never fail to plan.

In short, I'm a control freak in many ways (not to mention a perfectionist too!)...although God has been working to transform me in that. Nowadays, while I still climb the rocks like a robot, I find that I'm able to take the initiative more often - especially in ministry, relax more when things don't go my way, not give up so easily and take more calculated risks. Indeed God's work in me has liberated me to be more creative, bolder and to respond more positively to challenges. In the past few years especially, how my faith has stretched!

There's been a burden on my heart to take up a few challenges lately - but I keep getting thrown off-track and procrastinating. Partially because I do not know where to start. Partially because I do not know if it is worthwhile to start. Partially because I lack faith - I keep thinking of money constraints, time constraints, etc, etc. And partially because I'm terrified of not being able to keep up with the thing I've begun. So today, when I read this Word, I suddenly realized that I had the peace in my heart to begin 'enlarging the place of my tent, stretching my tent curtains wide, lengthening cords, and strengthening my stakes'. Well, God didn't say that I am to work on 'spreading out to the right and to the left'! I just need to enlarge the place of my tent - and He would work on the rest in His time.

Friends, is there something God has laid upon your hearts to do for Him? Has He given you a vision of something you could have never dreamed of (not even in your wildest dreams)? Start taking the first step today.

Thursday

It's been one tiring day. But I was happy.

Finished cleaning my entire apartment after a long day at work (been doing a bit of studying too), washing all the clothes, tidying up my drawers (oh, they were in a shameful mess), ironing (this was when I wished that I had a robot programmed to iron my clothes), packing for WTR tomorrow, talking to Ben on the phone, talking to Pig on Gtalk... etcetera.

Treated myself to roti canai at the mamak stall downstairs after I finished cleaning up the house...and a facial mask after I finished packing:P - Positive reinforcement for good behavior I suppose, these rewards...

Love it when my apartment's spick and span like this. I can probably eat off the floor, mind you!

Now... I've got this problem though. There's a lizard hiding somewhere in my wardrobe, and I daren't open up that section now - just in case, it decides to jump out - which is ridiculous anyway, because if I keep it closed, how will he get out? (Probably starve his guts out while he searches for an escape route of some sort.) However, I'm weighing in the odds that he might bring in more of his friends...to live with him.

It's the suitcase section btw. Thankfully, he's not hanging out with my knickers!

*Shudder*

Please, Mr. Lizard - don't decide to make your home in my suitcase.

Yours sincerely,
One whose hairs stand on end at the thought of you gallivanting about in my wardrobe...

Meals on school days...

Tigger has kinda calmed down a bit. No more fearsome roaring and ferocious clawing about. Makes life a little easier... Can get close enough to pat its head now. Hehe.

Anyway, that was pretty random. I don't really expect my readers to get that...

Ok, before you think I'm weird...

Today, I received from MBTS the order-form for my meals in the coming term.

Gosh, that is so boarding-school-like! Hehe. I laughed when I saw the order-form in my inbox. But I guess it could be fun, and not to mention help me keep down my living costs (I hope! - that is if there is enough food and I don't get hungry in between meals!:P - I'm not saying that I usually do. But, there is a chance of that you know - especially if it's time to PMS!) There are a few different options:

1. All Meals A (Monday to Friday: Lunch and Dinner, Tue-Fri Breakfast included) 全餐A （周一至周五: 午餐和晚餐，包括星期二至五早餐）
2. All Meals B (Lunch: Tue-Fri; Dinner: Mon- Thurs; Breakfast : Tue-Fri) 全餐 B（晚餐:周一至周四； 午餐:周二至周五；早餐：星期二至五）
3. All Breakfast : Tuesday – Friday 早餐 : 星期二至五
4. All Lunch : Monday – Friday 午餐 : 星期一至五
5. Tuesday – Friday Lunch Only 星期二至五 午餐
6. All Dinner : Monday – Friday 晚餐 : 星期一至五
7. Monday – Thursday Dinner Only星期一至四 晚餐

I guess I'll pick option 4 or 5 and try out their meals first. If they are substantial and gives good value for my money :P - I'll take option 7 as well next term... so I'd eat dinner and lunch in school.

I can definitely manage my own breakfast - since I've gotten so used to cereal anyway... and I don't think I'll be so good to wake up that early all the time to drive to MBTS just to eat breakfast in the mornings!:P Since classes are gonna start early, and I'm gonna give myself 30 minutes to get to school (in case of traffic jams), imagine how early I'd have to start out - not to mention wake-up!:D

Sorry, I've never been a morning person. I've really tried. And I've given up trying after all these years. I'm only alert after 9am, the earliest. Anytime before that, if I were to choose between eating or sleeping, I'd choose the latter. And if I have to go for early classes, I only eat during mid-morning break.

Thus, I'm bringing in my own breakfast to be eaten mid-morning le.

Kekez. The ramblings of a morning sleepy-head.

Fractured feminity...

"See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done..." (2 Cor 7:11)

Arrived at this Word this morning. I thought it was really timely and relevant, because for the past few days, I've been studying about the world's feminism movement that has profoundly altered our culture's concept of what it means to be woman. How such a movement has also unconsciously influenced the women in our churches. How alarming! It's a challenge indeed to be different and to live as biblically savvy women in this age and generation - where to be submissive to one's husband is an ancient concept scorned by many as a form of weakness; housewives are thought to be dependant and unsuccessful; beauty is determined by fashion sense and sex appeal; where it is considered acceptable for a woman to propose to a man in marriage and where more and more mothers leave their children (and husbands) at home to valiantly climb ladders in their careers.

I will never forget the day a woman friend slapped me (literally!) hard for saying that when I'm married, I plan to be primarily a home-maker. To bring up my kids (would home-school them if I could) like my mum did with us, do the housework, cook the meals and minister to my husband! I'd like to be a support to my husband from the home - prayers, admin, see to his needs etc. Yeah, I would still serve God in church, go on ministry trips, teach/preach, mentor, do home-groups, write etc. But, I too feel the call and burden to put my family first, after the Lord... before ministry. Ministry begins in the home. Who am I to teach younger women to look after their families and minister to their husbands, when I don't do those things myself? Who am I to want to raise a generation of God-fearing men and women of God, and impact the youth when I don't even see to my own children?

Painful incident that one, but I was more shocked than anything that she could be so shocked at my statement! I guess some of you are shocked too, but well - it can't be helped. This is my personal conviction.

We really can't define a 'successful' Christian by the world's standards of success. We can't say that a home-maker pales in comparison to a woman in a professional field, in such an aspect. More important a question is: has one walked in a manner worthy of her calling - pleasing God, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of Him?

What does biblical womanhood mean?

I'm on a quest to find out and enlighten my women friends...

She writes...

Joel 2:24-26 -

"The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.
I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm
My great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will My people be shamed."


I don't know why this word came to me today.

I was reflecting today, on the many years I have wasted struggling with my sins and eating disorders - when I could have been out there 'conquering the world' and accomplishing more meaningful things. How much I could have done with the big part of me that was lost in the last 10-12 years! While other girls my age were having a ball of a time going to parties, growing up into beautiful ladies, enjoying university life, enjoying their friendships, etc, I was isolating myself and engaging in a turbulent relationship with food, which made me do many things to harm myself - physically, spending time in the hospital or at the psychiatrist's, spending money on 'magic slimming pills' (I won't elaborate here), combing the eateries for binge food, purging, etc. It destroyed 2 of my previous relationships, it made me a stranger to many, I gave up doing the things that I used to enjoy doing...and it wasn't exactly something I would have wanted for myself either. I made a wrong, or 'fatal' (if you like) decision as a response to my many pent-up insecurities - and as a result, fell into the deep pit. Gulf, to be more exact.

While pondering on those things, I suddenly remembered this Word. Joel 2:24-26.

So far, I do know that while I've lost a chunk of the old me in the fires of EDs, I feel today that as I am looking to Him, the Lord is filling that empty void with things far more important than what I've lost physically and emotionally. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, amongst many other things. Imperfect I still am, but I am finding my joy in God increasing and I decreasing. Just as how God blessed limping Jacob (after he wrestled with God) with a new name - Israel - and the inheritance of a blessing that would definitely make up for him being lame for the rest of his life, He's given me a new meaning of life - and I hope He'd use my short-comings for His glory.

Scars don't fade so fast - some, like Israel's limp, remain with you for the rest of our lives...but while many others choose to see scars as bitter reminders of their past that ought to be grieved over, I choose to see scars as legacies of God's gracious deliverance and a symbol of His promise of that same blessing He poured over limping Israel. For me, this scar will always be sweet because it bears the fingerprints of the Lord.