Exam on the Ketubim... OVER! T-G-I-F...

Exam day! I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I slept early last night - 8 hours of sleep was refreshing.

Speed-reading my notes from 6.45-7.00am this morning...after breakfast...Book of Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Ruth, Lamentations, Esther, Daniel, Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah.... I've grown to love you all so much more through this exam... :)

Driving to school... and getting stuck in traffic congestion all along Green Lane...as usual.

After our exams (and since we had an hour plus before the next class), Pudun, Eunice and myself took a short trip to Khaleel Batu Feringghi for roti canai/telur and teh tarik. Thus, my second breakfast. @_@'

Emptied our plates (the roti telur was good!)...in celebration of the end of 3 difficult weeks...while having an interesting discussion. Topic: B.G.R, haha...

Eunice

Pudun

Then we went back to the seminary for mentoring class and theology class.

My lecturer, Dr. Anderson marked our papers at top speed. By the time we returned from Khaleel, our papers were in our student mailboxes already! @_@ The scores for our mid-term exam and Ketubim journal assignments had been added to the final exam score - and the overall grades in.

I praise God, because He has helped me so much through the past 3 weeks - while I was going through a difficult time with all the work and stuff. Taking the class on Ketubim (12 books in the 3rd section of the Hebrew Bible) was something I truly dreaded because it sounded scary :P . I wasn't sure if I could cope with a tough subject on top of my many other assignments and commitments... but it wasn't like I could drop this subject - coz M.Div students have to take at least 8 credits this term.

I remember myself looking at the list of requirements for this course - and my eyes widening in horror, to read this: '...A reading journal is required for this course. This journal should include a section on each of the biblical books assigned for this course. Each section should include: Introduction to the book, issues of authorship/date, major themes, general outline, critical questions, theological significance, 2 helpful commentaries ...' This was supposed to be due yesterday, the 29th October... but I was able to finish it a few days before the date-line. My lecturer marked it on the very day I passed up my work - and to my amazement, I received a full mark for it too (just like my mid-term paper).

Final term exam was well do-able too, although I couldn't figure out the answer for the first question - "What are the 3 books we've studied this term which had a difficult time making it into the canon of the Hebrew Bible?" Hehe.

Final course grade - 98%. I honestly feel that I don't deserve it - for the amount of work I put in. I may have had many late nights, but the truth is - I had alot of other assignments to rush on top of the Ketubim assignments - and some nights were basically UNPRODUCTIVE - so I didn't put in as much focus on the Ketubim as I should have. @_@ But really, it must have been God's grace and mercy. To those who have been praying for me these few weeks for joy and strength when I was weak, exhausted and depressed, haha... making me laugh to cheer me up and telling me not to give up (you guys know who you are) - THANK YOU. Appreciate it loads.

I really do.

Amazing. I thought that today, the 30th of October 2009 would be a most hectic, stressful day - because many of my assignments are due today. But thank God. Today's a Friday I can truly enjoy because every one of my 30th-Oct-due assignments had been handed up by yesterday. T.G.I.F!!! ~ I can focus on the many other stuff I need to do this weekend + the music-work - before I start working towards the 6th November and 14th November datelines! - And more importantly, spend a little more time with God and loved ones.

To those who are still working hard to meet today's datelines, gambatteh! May the LORD give you strength to endure till the end.

Discovered this...

I've been noticing recently, that my mood often dips quite a bit with the sun. Especially if I don't go out in the evening.

Love is the golden chain that binds...

Firstly, you are welcome to feast your eyes on some GREEN pictures - taken of the view right outside my classroom in Block B. Hehe....

What an amazing, rich shade of green! I could stare at this the whole day and not feel sick of it.

Tried to spot our resident monkeys - but they were nowhere to be found...

Block A, the canteen...and the slopes leading up to the library...

Today, I woke up extremely heavy-eyed (so what's new? :P) but my heart felt strangely warm. I actually felt glad waking up. And I don't even know why!

I am so excited to get all my assignments done and handed up. @_@' Can't wait to get them out of sight and out of mind. ARGH!

Last night, I handed up the assignments due on the 30th of October. Today, my Ketubim journal assignment is due - I am going to put in some final touches to it and then it's going straight to Dr. Anderson!

On the 6th of November, 2 more big, fat assignments are due... and on 14th November, my last batch of assignments (Music and missions) for this term is due. Whoa. Can't wait 'til then. Next week's gonna be CRAZY (what with our seniors' graduation party, convocation and Hua Xia commissioning - in which I am going to be involved) ~~~ so I'm TRYING to finish as much work as I can this weekend. Makes sense? :)

A dear brother, Yeh Han, sent me the words to this beautiful hymn (by Joseph Swain) yesterday night, which I really appreciate. Thanks, Han! :) Love the song. Love the meaningful words. Love the reminder it brings that we should bear one another's burdens - as brothers and sisters in Christ - and show one another love.

1. How sweet, how heav'nly is the sight,
   When those who love the Lord
   In one another's peace delight,
   And so fulfill His Word:
2. When each can feel his brother's sigh,
   And with him bear a part;
   When sorrow flows from eye to eye,
   And joy from heart to heart;
3. When, free from envy, scorn and pride,
   Our wishes all above,
   Each can his brother's failings hide,
   And show a brother's love;
4. When love, in one delightful stream,
   Through every bosom flows;
   When union sweet, and dear esteem,
   In every action glows.
5. Love is the golden chain that binds;
   The saints Thy grace thus prove.
   And he is glory's heir that finds
   His bosom glow with love.

What is love - but that which makes one lay down his/her life for another?

God, help me to deny my silken self every day and not neglect to love.

Anyway...

I am not sure if I can make it down to Ipoh on the 14th Nov for the MSCS (MCSC?:P) conference at Ipoh Methodist Girls' School. But I would love to go, if I could.

Another medley of music practices tomorrow afternoon, after school and lunch. Then... I will need to go and do some shopping in town for some much needed necessities.

Wednesday

It turned out to be a meaningful day after all. Praise God for having mercy on me. I was very humbled this afternoon. Felt extremely humbled... @_@ ~ But I am thankful that the Lord made things work together for good.

I'm just back from church btw... What a blessing I took a short nap in the afternoon. Because I have alot of work to do right now. Won't be sleeping till much, much later.

Just hoping that I can wake up in time for the 7.15am drive to MBTS for class!

I just received some comments via email from a lecturer regarding some previously turned-in assignments, that made me smile! :) I am feeling... very encouraged.

Today, I felt as if God had removed a little more of the 'veil' that conceals what His purpose for my life is. More things are starting to fall into place. I think I know where we're going now. Again, my life takes the most unexpected turns. Unpredictability is its main theme. But peace comes from knowing that GOD is sovereign and gracious.

I need to pray more. God, please continue to speak to me.

Speak to us.

E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-O-N...

...mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually... etc. So much so that I feel that my 'dark side' wants to pop up every now and then...

An exhausting day.

Classes, mission-team chapel sharing, classes again...followed by luncheon... and 3 different music practices.

Today, yet another pair of my shoes broke (since I entered MBTS in June!) - Thank God that there was a spare pair of sandals in my car ~ after dragging my feet (and broken shoe) around school the whole morning and finding it a nuisance, I did not mind walking barefooted to my car in between classes just to retrieve the spare pair.

Yes, you got it right. Down the slopes of MBTS and across the main road to the basketball court/students' parking lots, where my car was parked. Barefooted. Was careful not to step on the 'land mines' :P. Saw some monkeys watching me curiously from their seats in the trees ~ I've gotta confess... that I was a little embarassed! >_<

Bumped into Dr. Herbert, who had come to the seminary to talk to Dr. Sunny. It felt a little like meeting an old friend!:)

Today, Dr. Jeff reminded us that contrary to what people think, it is so much easier for any seminary student to back-slide in his/her faith... especially when Bible study becomes one-sidedly mechanical, professional and ministry-orientated. It is easy for one to assume that just because he/she is preparing a sermon or academic teaching using a certain passage of the Bible, he/she has spent time with God. What a mistake!

A little snippet of my day...

I know... I'm not exactly the world's tidiest worker...But believe me...this is considered pretty good already... for me. :P - at least there are no papers and books on the floor.

Somemore comfort food...I tend to want to munch/nibble a little when I do mind-cracking assignments :P No worries, I don't eat too much in one setting. The huge bag of wafers lasts me for days.

Tuesday

School reopened today after the weekend.

I somehow feel like the weekend was a long time ago...but I am so thankful for an off-day yesterday (Monday) - so that I could sit at home the whole day and get my assignments done. I'm still not done with ALL assignments... but at least I've finished all my assignments due on the 30th October. Now, to get those due on the 6th Nov and 14th Nov done as well - so that I can focus a little more on ministry.

Anyway, today a conviction dawned on my in Dr. Sunny's theology class. We usually remember to thank God when extraordinary stuff and timely interventions take place. But...when was the last time we gave thanks for the things we call 'ordinary'?

Let us not take the 'ordinary' things for granted. The air we breathe, the roof we have over our heads, the food we can afford to eat every day ~ even though it's simple fare.

Today, I want to give thanks for someone...

...who is far from ordinary of course...

My boyfriend, Ben :) ~

Someone who always tries his best to comfort, encourage, be nice and listen, when I am all melancholy, weepy and emo...even though he may not fully understand. Who tries to cheer me up with all kinds of precious ways.

One who faithfully prays when I am going through a hard time, calls me on the days we don't meet, and tells me not to give up.

One who challenges me to give my very best to the Lord in full-time ministry work, refine my ministry skills at all times and be humble. One who serves with all his heart, himself... and loves God.



Another thing to be thankful for...

...my comfort food...which I consume almost every day...with crackers, bread, snacks, etc. I like Laughing Cow brand too... YUMMY!

Good source of calcium...

ARGH!

Two red, shiny zits. And I've not had those for ages! @_@

Out of all that confusion...

... one more assignment down! ~ The first draft of my 12-page reflection paper for Discipleship In Youth Ministry (YM 347) *does a little jig round the dining table* ~ Thank You, God! Will let the whole thingy sit for a while and review it again nearer to the date-line.

It's a blessing that I will now have more time to prepare for my final exam for Ketubim on the 30th. *Phew* Breathe-in, breathe-out, breathe-in, breathe-out...

My house is in a shameful mess. It looks like a tornado-hit zone. @_@ (Ok, I exaggerated - it's just the dining area where I've been glued upon my chair the whole day that looks like a tornado-hit zone, what with all the books, papers and lap-sap lying around) But ah, I will find all the time in the world to spring-clean soon... (Hehe, that's in 3 weeks time... but no harm comforting myself now, right?:P)

Today, I realized that doing work with joy in my heart is much easier than doing work in a gloomy, self-pitying state. Hehe (Yeah, you'd wonder why I took so long to figure this out).

Monday

Back to work.

Picture below was taken in October 2007 - 2 years ago. Memories of burning the midnight oil with Tailo (Kean Yew) at Mc'donald's Greenlane every night... for the Paediatrics-Obstetrics & Gynaecology-Psychiatry-General Practice final exams... the very next month.

We didn't have a choice. To keep awake and motivate one another to study, many of us would troop to 24-hour eateries together after the college library closed at 10.00pm - and sit there with our books (and no laptops) till the crack of dawn. Mc-donald's Greenlane happened to be our 'hang-out-and-burn-midnight-oil' place. For Tailo, Yeh Han, Hari and myself. (You must be surprised that I haven't gotten tired of Mc-donald's yet!) So much yee-hei... haha. (I don't know how to translate that from Cantonese to English.)

This was the exams, which we all claimed that '... if we don't go crazy this time, we will probably never go crazy for the rest of our lives!' I have to say that it is very true.

It's good for me to remember at this crazy time, when my assignments are piled sky-high and there is an exam in the coming week - that I did not go crazy during POPGP-2007 - because God sustained me throughout that period of time! And He will do the same now.

Let's see. I am done with my Ketubim journal on the 12 books of the Hebrew Bible (Psalms, Proverbs, Job, Ecclesiastes, Song of songs, Esther, 1 and 2 Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah)... Triune God sermon (which I'm afraid that it's keluar topik)... and most of Christian Theology. Now, comes the ultimate challenge of doing my 12-page reflection paper (yes, the one which I kept procrastinating... I still don't know how to go about doing it! @_@) amidst preparing for Ketubim's final exam. All these by the 30th October.

I will worry about the 6th November dateline after that! :P

Healed!

Yesterday, I went for a health check-up...

The results were phenomenal.

Note: Due to eating disorders, I've always hated scales, scans, analyses, etc... because of the 'atrocities' they revealed. If some of you remember, my body was totally wrecked a few years ago, because of the restricting, outrageous binges, purging, laxative-abuse, etc. I had stomach conditions, menstrual problems, extremely low immunity to diseases, etc. I couldn't function properly like everyone else. Thanks to all that, I have been feeling terrible about how good a steward of my body I have been...

Not to mention, I was a medical student - so I understood all the consequences pretty well - and felt even more cacat.

Anyway, about yesterday's check-up: PRAISE GOD! Almost everything was perfectly in the normal range. Weight, body fat percentage, BMI, resting metabolism, visceral fat, subcutaneous fat, etc, etc.... Perfect! Health-wise, I'm pretty good now. The tissues in my body are wonderfully healthy too. That felt amazing.

The only 2 things I would have to continue to pay special attention to are my stomach... as in the organ :D - and my pancreas. Oh, and also to build more skeletal muscle in the trunk and legs.

May God continue to heal what is still out of order.

Saturday

Went to watch Cloudy, with a chance of Meatballs last night, at Perangin Mall... WOW, it was a GREAT MOVIE! I loved it. Would highly recommend it. I think I liked it more than Surrogate(s). This was a very creative movie. Had some touching parts, that worked up my tear-ducts pretty much. I'd rate it 8.5 out of 10. Recommend it!:) - the movie got me craving for spagetti with meatballs and cheeseburgers after that. Although I had dined on Mcd's before the movie. Savoured every bit of my double-cheeseburger, with fries and Diet Coke!

Looked down on the city center of Penang...after the movie was over... What a beautiful place!

This reminds me a little of where I used to grow up as a little girl...in Pudu, KL - before we moved to Subang Jaya.... Busy, wild, seedy in some areas, ancient and busy. Ah, childhood days...

Which brings me to remember...

As a child, I used to have this strange ambition :P ~ I guess my papa would remember me saying that I want to live in a shop-house above a kopi-tiam, when I grew up. @_@ I did not delight in big houses, I guess. For me, what mattered more were - the warmth of a vibrant, close-knit community, the joys of strong family relationships even within a tiny home, and... (I know, abit lame...) the yummy smells of steamy-hot food from below.

I always imagined that I'd be able to go downstairs early in the morning, and have kaya-and-butter toast with Milo with friends... before we departed for work. Haha.

T.G.I.F

Although assignments still lurk, I am still H-A-P-P-Y because it is a Friday! Yippee-doo!!!

The 2nd reason I am happy - tonight, I can eat Mcds :) Due to limiting my monthly expenses nowadays, I've been eating a lot less at Mcd's (and Coffeebean) than I used to. Therefore, when it comes to Mcd's day, I am overwhelmed with joy! :P Hehe. And today is Mcd's day. Not every Friday. But today happens to be the Friday I am allowed Mcd's. Double-cheese-burger and fries... here I come! Wheeee............

I guess, we only appreciate things more when they are more difficult to obtain. We only miss things when they are gone.

I am starting to miss the round-ness of my face. In case you think me crazy, let me explain.

Thanks to late nights and early mornings, my cheeks are starting to be sunken-in. My neck is growing gaunt (the outline of my trachea can be seen) and my clavicles are way too prominent for my liking. When I had EDs, this felt great :P - but now that I don't have EDs, and I didn't get to my current state on purpose, this makes me feel a little miserable. Coz now I think I look way better with rounder, more 'filled-up', rosy cheeks. And a thicker neck.

My spectacles frame is getting a little too big for my face @_@. *sweat* I look geeky. And I can't afford to get a new pair of glasses, haha. Does this mean I'll have to wear contact lenses everytime I wanna go out?

Who said thin is in?

Anyway, I digress.

The 3rd reason I am happy - this evening, I will be watching the movie I've been really wanting to watch, 'Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs', with great company.

Glassy-eyed

So exhausted. It's time for bed. *yawns and stretches*

Today I did not accomplish much in my assignments - but at least, I did get started on Discipleship in Youth - the dreaded 12-page reflection paper. I get goose-bumps even at the mere mention of it.

The rest of the day was spending working on music, as well as ministry work.

A day filled with hardships. Nevertheless, I did get to LAUGH. Laughter is the best medicine. May the joy of the LORD be my strength.

Going to eat a handful of crackers, then go to bed. Tomorrow's a new day.

Goodnight, world!

May I come in?

Appreciating every moment,

cherishing every word said,

treasuring every chance to reach out a little,

thankful for every difference made…

Even though the ice is hard to break,

I can see you try to let me in…

Past the tears,

past the fears

that I won’t like the you within…

Forget the shame of the past

I’ll tell you of a name

I’ve learnt to trust

His name is Jesus

and He can heal

This is what I’ve seen Him do…

I’ll walk with you, you’re not alone

We’ll look to Him,

in Him, you’ll find hope...

His name is Jesus

who came to give

out of His love,

that we may live.

Thankful! :)

This was the sheaf of notes, I hurriedly flipped through before my exam yesterday. Notes in point form, mostly extracted from power-points - easy to remember. Didn't do much studying the day before, because I was busy trying to finish the other assignments... Believe me, I've got plenty.

Front page of my paper. Dr. Jeff Anderson must have worked very hard...:P Our papers were returned to us today... marked. I gulped receiving mine. Full marks! @_@ - Praise GOD! It could only have been His grace I put down the right answers...and remembered the stuff I had hurriedly read before the exam. Precise points. Being half-asleep too!

I've gotta thank God for some degree of photographic memory. If I scan fast enough, I am quite able to remember how the pages of my notes look... and then store the images up in my brain. (If I draw pictures, I will remember even better... but of course, I didn't have time to do all that! LOL.) During the exam, I just had to 'read' my memory. At least the main points. Then goreng.

The 2nd and 3rd pages...Sempat lagi melukis jadual...

Last page of written paper... *phew* - I don't really like literature exams.... Was blur, dazed and in despair after the exam was over... and that is why I spilled the mung-bean soup over myself. (see yesterday's post). Thought that I had written many crappy answers down.

Above: lecturer's comment. Hehe. *Tears* God, how unfailing are your mercies!

Coffee at this time of the night...

When I was a little girl, I loved the concept of 'midnight feasts' from Enid Blyton's boarding school stories. I thought it was pretty exciting to sneak food into the dorm, wake all your dorm-mates up at midnight, and ... feast in secret.

Now that I've grown-up and am no longer a little girl @_@ - I have 'midnight feasts' every night I stay up late... alone. No need to wake anyone up at midnight, dodge the angry matron, or hide food under beds. Food is readily available in the refrigerator and cupboards! Ah, well... not that I have that much food stored up... but biscuits/cheese/cereals are feast enough to me! :D

My 'feasts' inevitably includes a mug of coffee...

Got out from the wrong side of my bed...

Had my exam on the Ketubim literature of the Hebrew Bible today.

*telan air liur*

Don't ask me how I did. @_@' - it wasn't all that good. Haha. I didn't spend last night studying, but doing assignments - related and unrelated to this course. I sped-read some notes this morning, just before the exam. Spent alot of time during the exam, trying to goreng. But... the most important thing is ~ I am OVER with my mid-term exam for The Writings! ~ Something to be extra thankful for, eh? :) - hope I passed.

In the blur-ness of having slept less than 4 hours last night and too much thinking - I've got aplenty on my mind - I scalded my right arm with today's after-mission-chapel mung-bean soup at the cafeteria.

Talk about being clumsy. I don't even know how that happened! LOL. Now, thinking of it makes me laugh very sheepishly indeed.

First, the plastic bowl full of hot mung-bean soup flew out of my hand, as I randomly released and dropped it - for no apparent reason. I snapped back-to-earth from God-knows which planet. Then, I suddenly found the hot, olive-green, opaque, grainy liquid calmly flowing down my arm and front of my t-shirt like lava from an erupted volcano. Was too numbed to feel a thing or to react. I blankly stared down at the mess and blankly stared at someone (I can't even remember who) and quietly said, "Um...Look.... I spilled something..." There were some exclamations and then a flurry of activity as some of my friends scurried around to help me clean up the mess. *thankful*

Ai Hua had to even remind me to go and run cold water over the burns. She called after me too, "You are the doctor, remember?!?"

I didn't feel anything like I've graduated from medical school at that moment.

Just... stupid... :P ~ and helpless. And bemused.

I used to rave about this Japanese drama series I watched in year 2007, back in 4th med - 'One Litre of Tears'. A tear-jerking series, that I watched over and over again - just to get my tear-ducts to work. (Weird, aren't I? xD) I think today, I feel a little like the girl (Aya) who had spinocerebellar degenerative disease...

*sobs*

I hope the arm won't blister all over. That would be a nightmare.

But think of it... I am thankful that God protected me from even more destruction! :P Imagine if I had absent-mindedly lifted the bowl up above my head and poured the mung-bean soup over myself! :P Haha.

Strange that right before the incident, I was meditating on Psalm 16... Verse 1 goes: "Keep me safe, my God, for in You I take refuge!"

God, You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand. (Ps 16:11) I love You, Lord.

Right now my feelings can be best expressed through the simple picture, one of my dear brothers, Edmond, drew me 2 years ago - as comfort and encouragement when I going through a particularly tough, heart-breaking time...as well as the very last lap of my eating disorders - all at one go! It was a picture drawn with alot of brotherly love. I still feel it when I look at it today.

He said that he felt that I was the tree standing in a protective sphere, in the middle of a fearsome, stormy tempest @_@. He was right then. Today, I feel the same way. Different context. But some same emotions.

I miss my brothers, I really do. Especially the three of them: The one in Sabah. The one in Ipoh. The one in KL. The thing about me staying back in Penang after everyone has left - I sometimes go to places, whereby the sights, sounds, scents, etc remind me of the times we spent together. (Especially Mc-donald's Greenlane and Air Hitam Asia Cafe!). Studying. Eating. Fellowshipping. Serving in the college CF. Music team. Etcetera. Now that we've gone on separate paths since July 2008, sometimes, I still find myself wishing that I would bump into any one of them somewhere - and be pleasantly surprised. But that's life for you. Seasons come... Seasons go. Can't be over-sentimental, or I'll never move on.

I might never see them again - till we meet up where we belong.

Past few days...

... have been tough. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Dislike it when the weight of assignments becomes so great that it knocks my quiet-time, music-time and rest-time out of order. Feel like my life is upside-down somehow. Crankiness, emo-ness, tears, wackiness etc, etc... all oozing out of me at one go! Like juice coming out of a squeezed fruit. I'm thinking - orange.

I get so exhausted sometimes - what with classes, after-school activities, assignments and other work... Yesterday, I fell asleep while praying, kneeling. @_@' Leaned my elbows on the edge of my bed to support myself, rested my head upon my clasped hands and went into snooze-mode.

Not to mention, before I went into snooze-mode, I caught myself praying gibberish. Was starting to wonder why my sentences were sounding so disjointed. And why the stuff I was saying did not make sense. Couldn't comprehend myself.

Sorry, God. >_<

I'm past doing survey and outline for the 4th book out of the 12 OT books we are supposed to complete and hand up by the 29th of Oct. I think I'll sleep after this one.

Hope...

'Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup;
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.'

(Psalm 16:5-8)

Today, I feel slightly better. Even though I can't run away from my work. And I slept, but still woke up. @_@

Today, one vivid thought runs through my mind.

Parents, please be more mindful of and responsible with the words you choose to speak over your children's lives. Words either build up or destroy. The words of today can make OR break a child's tomorrow.

One ministry God has privileged me to do especially in the past few years is one that reaches out to girls and young women with eating disorders and certain few other psychological/psychiatric conditions. (I use the word 'privileged' because it was not something that I had planned to do on my own or have been that faithful at... but God made it grow somehow.) One of the many aspects a considerable number of these precious people have in common is a lifetime of enduring spoken words of condemnation, judgement and rejection, as well as curses, rained down upon them - right out of the very mouths of their parents.

Especially mothers. Girls naturally look up to their mothers as role models, more than their dads. It's tough not having a low self-image, if you are constantly ridiculed and rejected by the one you look up to.

Of course, there could be many reasons why earthly moms do that. Sometimes it could be pure carelessness and words were spoken out of irritation or frustration. Even the most well-meaning words spoken in an uncontrolled manner, in such context and mood, can wound deeply. Such wounds stay silently embedded and hidden, but they can take a long time to heal - in many cases, years. Sometimes, moms lash out because they think that such words have a potential to discipline and change us for good. However, this is far from the best way. Even the Bible says that, 'It is God's kindness that leads us to repentance.' (Rom 2:4)

Often, it is due to mom's own insecurities, fears and low self-esteem - all of which she could be pretty unconscious of. So, a note to girls who are going through a very difficult time with such conditions at home - please do try to understand mom and forgive her. I know it's really hard. I've had my own share of trials, of which I won't share today. But please try. Pray for your moms if you are able to - they need to know of God's wholesome love themselves - that they too may be emotionally healed.

There are girls who grew up in abusive homes too. I don't only mean that they have been verbally abused... but physically abused too. And it's all very sad and real.

In contrast, I do know of girls whose parents are supportive and loving. These people often walk much shorter roads to recovery and healing from eating disorders, if they do have one. A strong, close-knitted, loving family, whereby healthy family relationships are initiated, cultivated, maintained and prioritized, is an important key to healthy self-image development in children - and these children eventually grow up into confident adults.

Monday night: ~ Don't panic!

That's what I am trying to tell myself:

Take one day at a time....

Not easy. Tomorrow, I need to study for Wednesday's exam. Do theology homework.

Then, if I have time, do a book review on the Book of Psalms. Actually, I don't think I have a choice there. I HAVE to do the book review on the Book of Psalms. Since I have to pass up book reviews of 8 books of the Old Testament by the 29th of October 2009.

And.... my Discipleship of Youth 12-page reflection paper on the 30th October.

I feel so.... overwhelmed.

Strange Monday

Was out alot today...

At Batu Maung in the morning... for breakfast and to get my car fixed. Spent the rest of the morning in Sg. Ara... with Ben, who is having a public holiday replacement today.At the Batu Maung 'kampung' where my regular mechanic, Ah Keong, works... Very cool. There was this puppy wandering around that reminded me of the cute doggy in the movie "Bolt". I so wish I could keep it as a pet. Didn't take any picture of 'Bolt'. Coz he was moving around too fast.

But the day seems strangely disjointed and I am pretty disorientated now...

Must be due to that little nap I took on the floor - at the most unimaginable time (I've been napping at the oddest hours lately - DON'T ASK ME WHY...) - till a phone-call woke me up *@_@' - after which I was pretty confused.

Cleaned the inside of my car.... then drove from Sg. Ara to Dong Hoon's place at Bayswater in the afternoon for lunch with the rest of my mission team.

Now, I'm back home, trying to get back to work...

Btw, a blessing I received to day...

Sunday

Phew.....

Finally, finished writing the Triune God sermon. It probably sounds awkward now, but I will let it sit for a while... Will iron things out and put finishing touches to it nearer to the dateline. *grins*

I've still got tons of work to do - but praise God, that at least, I'm done with a few. The most urgent stuff (assignments and especially the non-assignments) for next week are at least done. Tomorrow, I am resting from all work. LOL.

Slept at 4.30am last night (this morning, actually) typing out the sermon. Couldn't put it down, even though I knew that it was getting pretty late. Guess, it's a habit. I don't like stopping work in the middle and taking it up again later... because I find that this interrupts my 'flow'. I prefer to 'attack' one assignment at a time - and buat sampai habis... unless it is a much longer assignment... like the church-planting plan I had to pass up in August. That was kinda crazy!

I am glad I did not wake up looking like a zombie today. (Sorry if I sound vain.. :P) Well, the pallor and eye-bags are there, as usual. Nevertheless, I did not look like I was sleep-walking.

Aunty Valerie, however, reprimanded me at church (and smacked my arm) for sleeping late and pounced on my not taking my vitamins. @_@' - Didn't mean to let that slip... but she ter-asked...and I ter-answered....

Today's probably the first day in a long while since I went to church alone, since many others are at the church leaders' planning retreat at Paradise Sandy Bay - over the weekend.

Nevertheless, it was still really good to worship God together with the rest of the congregation.

I love work when...

...it's got to do with something I am truly passionate about...

Having said that, we can't always choose what we want to do, can we? :) But we can always choose to do what we don't really want to do... with a faithful and cheerful heart.

God loves a cheerful giver.

One of the assignments I have due at the end of this month - is to write a sermon on the Triune God, to be preached on Trinity Sunday. I have procrastinated writing this sermon for a long time, because it sounds incredibly hard and intimidating. But I am finally getting to it today. *Applauds myself as motivation to continue pressing on* Hehe. God help me!

Friday randoms...

First of all, 2 pictures from Music and Missions course last week...courtesy of dear Elaine Low....

One of the sessions (I think this was on Thursday) - when we had to sit on the hard floor (my swollen foot, protesting and cramping - to no avail)...Our lecturer, Dr. Johann is the guy sitting in the middle of the circle. It's tough to explain here what we were doing that session - but those who were in my class would understand what I mean when I say that I nearly burst trying NOT to laugh while the nong, tuk, pull, tuk was going on.... @_@ What an agony! ~ For the sake of my lecturer, who was so serious about the whole business, I had to bite my lip and almost hold my breath to stop myself from giggling...Felt my face turning blue too. It was a difficult exercise. Especially when I am one who is so easily amused.

That same day... our classmates and lecturer went out for dinner at Ananda Bahwan (an Indian Restaurant)... after our song-writing work. Pardon my geeky smile please. I was just too excited for the food to arrive at our table. :P We all went home very tired that night.

OK. Anyway, now that I'm done with show-telling the pictures....let's move on....

...Today... I'm so thankful that the weekend has arrived! TGIF! It has been a crazy week all right.

I will try to do some assignments over the weekend. I've got an exam this coming Wednesday. Can't afford any back-log, especially for Theology class...

Last but not least...

There is this picture K.R.Lee posted on FB of my sister and wonder-dad at the airport (on the day Zoey flew to UK)- that made me a lil' homesick. @_@ ...

On this long road...

Today I was sitting with women and men...
We sang You songs of praises
I was touched once again
to remember how far I have come
It's because of what You've done...
You mended what was broken,
brought me to see
How Your grace is sufficient
and Your love sets me free
to become what You've made me to be
...to declare Your glory...

But again, I'm feeling lost
the road is long and narrow...
Did I lose my way?
Have I lost myself?
Is there a way to know?

How do I...
respond to Your calling?
What am I to do...
with all You've placed in me?
Why does my heart beat for this dream...
when I see no way
to touch the horizon of this sea
How do I... get there from here?
Do I walk the road less taken
even if there's fear?
All I know... those who trust in You
will never be let down or shaken...

Help me trust in You...

Help me trust in You...
Help me trust in You...
Help me trust in You...

Thursday

Tired.

I have difficulties expressing my feelings today. For once.

Song of Gratitude

Most updated version of our song from the Lord :) - Click on the link below:

Song of Gratitude

Yours,
Kevin, Derek and I

Love... love... love...

I have been struggling to love one person lately (I assure you, btw, that this is NOT my boyfriend! LOL).

When I say struggling... I mean bigtime, major STRUGGLING. I do not know how to explain this better - but it has really affected me in the past few weeks or so. I was faced with many temptations and it was very emotionally draining. Downright depressing at times.

Of course, it wasn't just this person's fault alone! Actually, it was more of my bad. I must admit that I was too proud to humble myself and put this person's interests before my own. I was at times, even, a little resentful. However, I now know that God indeed has a beautiful purpose for this friendship! :) ~ because He spoke to me about it today.

I know that I earnestly yearn and long to love this person more.

I also pray that our friendship would grow from strength to strength.

Today, I spent some time with Ben after we were done with MLM training at church. He was very sweet. Sat there quietly to listen to my incessant heart confessions. Later, when I had finished pouring my heart out, he reminded me of God's Word in 1 Corinthians 13 regarding love. I thought it was a very timely reminder. Straight to the point. I felt as if it was God Himself, putting His finger on the very things I had been struggling with in my friendship with this person. Particularly verses 4-5:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

I was greatly stirred.

God, please help me to love this person with a love that always gives, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres and never fails. Make me a good friend, encourager and a blessing to this person. In Jesus' name, amen.

That random vomit-inducing sweet...

Today, Vanessa offered me a lozenge during chapel - which I politely accepted. Without thinking (I was too sleepy to remember to sniff at it ~ as I usually do), I popped the tiny brown pellet into my mouth.

I was no doubt wide-awake after that. I spent the next 5 minutes making faces at Derek and Dong Hoon. I bet I scared them.

Sorry, dear Vanessa... @_@ But the lozenge tasted horrid. Actually it smelled horrid too but I obviously did not get to smell it. Derek and Dong Hoon were way smarter than me. They sniffed at the lozenge, saw my face and absolutely refused to eat them. I only wish I had their sensibility.

I on the other hand was not only NOT smart. I was too curious for my own good. Despite wanting to spit the lozenge out, I kept it swirling around in my mouth to try to see if there really wasn't anything to like about it - then chewed it up *crunch, crunch* just to make sure that I did not miss out on any hidden yummy flavour.

Curiosity killed the cat. Meow.

I was sick all throughout chapel. The lingering, sickly sweet after-taste of the lozenge, which could not be washed down by drinking water, was gross and nauseating. I thought it reminded me of a cross between those yucky black herbal 'potions' my mum used to force down our throats when we were younger (they were supposed to be good for us - but I always think otherwise!), something at the dentist's and dish-washing detergent. (I've drunk detergent before, so I know - no worries, I don't do things like that anymore.) I kept gagging too. What a sensational experience.

I am not exaggerating, just so that you know!

Thank God for the mung-bean soup they serve at the cafeteria on Wednesdays, after missions chapel service. Despite being uncomfortably full after downing one bowl of it, (I finished a whole bottle of water in the chapel too), the nausea gradually subsided. Phew!

I applaud Vanessa for her loyalty to this brand of lozenges! - I can't even quote the name of it. But it's supposed to contain some potent herb to relief sore throats.

Guess I'll stick to Strepsils and Fisherman's Friend after this.