Thursday

We learned the Theology of Death today. I came to one conclusion:

I am not afraid of death.

I am just afraid of the process of dying.

And I don't want to die like how my mum did. It was just too heart-breaking for the people around her. I don't want my husband and children to cry over my coffin, wondering if they could have done something to prolong my life on earth. In fact, I want my passing away to be a celebration of what God has done for me while I was still in flesh - the victories, the fruit, the beauty and the miracles...as well as the celebration of my graduation from a mortal to imperishable state which only could have happened by God's grace, through faith in the cross of Christ.

Also, I fear pain and suffocation.

God, if You were to call me Home, please let me depart peacefully and gracefully while I am asleep. And please give my loved ones and I signs... so that we can all joyfully prepare for my departure and eternal rest. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Courtesy of Chik Bu...

Wilson, Kevin, me

Something my student said...

Me: What would you do if you were walking along the road one day...and you found someone's wallet lying on the ground?

Student (trying to hide her grin) : I would go shopping and fly back to Korea.

*Faints*

Hahahahaha!!! Oh well, it was an English lesson... and not a moral lesson...
I will surely miss moments like this one someday...

Starving yourself is not right...

...and so is listening to the advice of people who tell you that the key to losing weight is starving yourself... or going on crazy low-calorie diets...

They think they know what they are talking about... or what they so confidently claim. But they did not see me when I rebounded from anorexia to a scary bulimic mode, in which I got stuck compulsively eating and purging for about 7 years. It was brutal.

And I do not intend to go back there.

I feel much stronger now, praise God. Before, I'd have been more easily swayed by such deceptions, well-meaning as they may be. Today, one swam right into my face. I thought I heard the familiar voice of ED... persuading. You could do it before... why not do it again now?

I refuse to be moved.

It disappeared as quickly as it had pealed. Yes, praise God for victory!

Standing firm all the time is not easy... but it gets easier when you firmly decide to make the stand for what is right.

I'm just so thankful that I have a very supportive husband-to-be, who loves food, loves me for my curves, loves ME and encourages me to be healthy. Yeah, healthy - like your eat substantial, balanced meals and exercise kind of weight maintenance. He is indeed a God-send.

Restlessness....

Trying to remind myself that ALL present sufferings are temporary... Huuuzzzaaah!!! *tries to grin*

Gotta try to complete my Children and Spirituality assignments by this week.

...Gosh, I am so, so, so restless. Furthermore, when I think of my wedding preps and I haven't done anything about it, I am panicking. *Omaigoooshh!!!* Talk to the florist's, book the church for the ceremony, look out for the decos, appoint the people to serve on that day, decide on the music, send out invites... semua pun belum buat!! @_@' I think I need a personal assistant liao...

Yeah... Ben and I decided to split work... just to make things a little easier - so we can work on our own parts for now. Both of us are crazy busy... what with the upcoming mission trip and our bridal photoshoots... and our own work commitments... Waiting for one another to be available may ensure that nothing gets done till May next year... :P Moreover, our third year as a couple seems to be flying past extra fast!! Why?!?

In about 7 months time, I will be a Mrs. Wong! >,< Can you believe it?

After a weekend of wedding dinners....

Rachel and Chong En, my former PCC CG members tied the knot on Saturday...

Dinner reception after the ceremony...

Me and Lye Ean...

Ee Ling and I...

Some of our table-mates from Johore...

Eastin Ballroom...filled up with guests...

Speech by the married couple...

Rachel and Chong En...before the toast...

My mei-mei, Ee Ling...

Then, Lye Ean decided that I looked 'Datin'...so Ee Ling started snapping pics of me... and my unglamorous orange juice...

OK...maybe the short, flowery skirt was not very appropriate...

To complete the 'Datin' look... Lye Ean and Ee Ling made me pose with Lye Ean's wine glass... >.<

I still think that Ee Ling looked more 'Datin' than I did...

Three of us...

The second wedding dinner was that of Bob and Katherine...held at Maple Palace, Northam Road...on Sunday evening.

I was one of the earliest to arrive... other than the event organizers...coz Ben was the event coordinator...

...thus I began entertaining myself... These were the cutesie door-gifts we received...

So cute huh? I think it would make a nice jewellery box...

A little cam-whoring...

Ben's notes...

Me bored and tired...at the table alone...

Oh yeah... I forgot to show what was in the gift-boxes...

The two Bens... My Ben Wong...and Ben Teh...

Us :)

End of the day...*Phew*

I wanna... nobody, nobody but You...

Corny. Even as I typed out the blog title, I could feel my mouth twisting into a grimace... :P - Just watched the Wonder Girls' MTV of this song. Thought they were cute... but it's so not me.

I want more of Jesus.

Had a magical afternoon somehow... The Lord opened the door for me to share with somebody who needed to hear the gospel. A total stranger... at the most random moment... but it was awesome, not because I was awesome :P - I fumbled and stuttered at times... and I spoke icky, hair-raising, broken Mandarin that made my listener smile politely (and shudder)...but GOD is so AWESOME! :D When I was about to tell her about the cross, she told me in Mandarin, "I can see that you are having a difficult time... Speak in English please..." Ha-ha. At least she was still very interested for me to go on...

It definitely encouraged me... and strengthened my faith. There are always seemingly-innocent distractions when God's Word is to be shared... I don't know why - everytime I share the gospel with somebody, that somebody, whoever it is, would receive a phone-call in the middle of my sharing! There is always spiritual warfare. But thank God, He is sovereign. The Word did get across to her, more powerfully than I could ever ask or imagine! Praise God!

Having said that, I need to better my atrocious Mandarin.

Gonna go to sleep now...and wake up in time for my breakfast date with Ben and then worship practice in church.

So close, I believe...

So close, I believe,
You're holding me now
In Your arms I belong...
You'll never let me go....
(In Your Hands - by Hillsong)

The beauty of knowing God... is loving myself a little more each day. Not in a vain and self-centered way... but humbly enjoying the beautiful things God has included in my blue-print and eagerly longing to express them back to Him in the form of poetry...

God doesn't love me because I am worthy of His love
... but I am worthy because He loves me much

Hope, the essence of life...

Admit it. We are all concerned about the future.

Prophets, palm-reading, horoscopes or fortune-tellers... revered are they by many, because of our tireless pursuit of 'signs and wonders' that may give us clues regarding the mysteries of the coming days and so that we may have a dependable source of hope.
Life to many is about fulfilling dreams... accumulating treasures... and defending one's line from destruction/extinction. Very few are contented with just living life in the present. It's a known fact: what and where we are tomorrow are determined by what we choose to do and where we choose to go today. So we are all anxious to 'do the right thing' today according to what we desire to see happening in the future. We fear the shame of failure so we are motivated to work hard. We fear uncertainties so we prepare for the worst. Film-writers are opportunists in writing this fact into the theme and story-lines of some of the greatest movies we've seen.

Take for example, one of my favorite romantic comedies, 'The Back-up Plan'... which is centered on Zoe, a woman who conceives by artificial insemination because she wanted to have children, but feared that she would never meet the man of her dreams and get married. Ironically, she did meet the man of her dreams after she had conceived, which messed up her initial plan! When she had finally decided to let the plan go to be with this man who loved her, she began to have 'withdrawal symptoms' from her back-up plan. Laughter aside, I was reminded that if we can't trust anyone with regards to our future (because everyone can potentially let us down - even our loved ones), there will always be that void in our hearts....that causes us to search for hope which is the essence of living on. Have you seen a person who sees no purpose to go on living? He takes his own life, because he has decided in his heart - that there is no hope. And there is no one in the world that he can trust.

And we wonder why fairy tales always end 'happily ever after'. They are ultimately a reflection of man's perfect dreams and ideals.

No matter how prepared we are for the future, we are all aware that the end of all things will come. Sooner or later, we our bodies will decompose and we will die. The same questions harass everyone - from the rich to the poor, young to the old, the city-dwellers to the orang-asli's..."Where does one go after he or she dies?" and "Is there anyone we can trust with regards to our future?"
Do you know where you will go if you die tonight?
Is there ever a guarantee that when you knock on the 'doors of heaven', God will let you in?

Where will you spend eternity?

I know for sure, that I will go to heaven if I died today... despite my great sins, mistakes and weaknesses. I may not know where heaven is - but at least I know that heaven is where God is.

The reason for this? God's GRACE displayed in the person of Jesus Christ... who came to die for our sins, as promised. To quote Dr. Sunny, our dean: "Hope springs from a heart that Christ dwells in..."

He came to pay the penalty of the sins of the undeserving mankind as Son of the Living God. Perhaps, if He did not die, He'd be either a liar or a mad man. But He was indeed crucified. Perhaps if He had remained buried in the grave, I'd have reasons to doubt the truth of His promises... You wouldn't be sure if He had really taken away your sins, would you? However, the Bible clearly states that He did rise from the grave... appearing to many after His resurrection. Extra-biblical references and the records of eye-witnesses since the 1st century also provide evidences that He has risen. Christians today still experience the life-transforming power of God - the same power that raised Jesus up on Easter morning. Can anyone of us who have experienced God continue to deny that He has risen?

No.

The LORD has risen.

As the old hymn goes:

"...Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives... all fear is gone...
Because I know... He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives..."

Christians, are you living a lifestyle of hope? Yes, there are bound to be difficulties and suffering in this world we live in. We will always grieve for the loss of loved ones.

But can we grieve with hope? Can we have joy in times of sadness? Can we have faith in times of darkness? I am assured today: Yes, a thousand times, yes... because we have the ultimate hope anyone can have! Hope in Christ is the essence of abundant life.

Hope. We can hope. Because we can believe in Jesus. Hope gives purpose to yesterday and today... it nullifies the regret of our past mistakes and helps us to endure today's trials when we look at the big picture and remember that we have a definite something to live for. God has made everyone for an important and good purpose. Today, we may not know what He has made us for... but as long as we know that our lives are not accidents... and our lives mean something big to our Maker, it is worth living on...and living our lives to the fullest.

1 Peter 3:15 - "...But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have..."

Being watchful

I am in need of a spiritual retreat. Like for real. Some good books, lots of undistracted time with the Lord and solitude. Preferably not in Penang.Burnt out and sien. It happens. Perfectionists like me are a little more vulnerable to its effects. People who have had a history of EDs too. Here I am not saying that I am still not over with my EDs. But, just like a former alcoholic who has long ago put away his bottles, it is always wise to watch out for possible triggers and watch yourself carefully - so that you don't give yourself any chance of falling! I am aware and sure that given the 'right' conditions, it is possible for me to swing back into a wrong kind of relationship with food... just for that perceived sense of control over my own life.
Gotta learn to chill the right way.

Keeping myself at home after school... just in case I make some impulsive buys or binge on unhealthy food... :P ~ In such a mood, anything is possible. Prevention is better than cure!
So let's make it apartment-cleaning day today.

Glad that Ben will take me out for dinner tonight... I'd be happy, even if it's hawker food.

One more down...

Bye-bye, Church History Paper...

While I did learn alot putting you together, I am so glad that we are both ready to go our separate ways now...


It's hello to 'Children and Spirituality' paper next...

I am taking one deadline at a time... so ha-ha, I'm not sure how many assignments I have left till the end of 2010. Not interested to know too.

Gosh, the end of the year is near? And Christmas too? Well...It seems like just yesterday when Ben's parents put presents under the family Christmas tree... and we eagerly opened our presents after church ...on Christmas Day. It was also the very first time the parents were truly celebrating the birth of the Savior instead of just putting up the tree and giving us gifts for the sake of festivities! Christmas was indeed a beautiful and meaningful event for our family last year.

Also, for Ben and myself, we were in Malacca and KL during the last week of the year. Walked around so much that I actually lost weight while eating all the yummy Nyonya food and pineapple tarts... *mmmmm*

*Sweet memories*

...and my dear's birthday is coming up too... :) ~ I still have no idea what to do for him... so I'll have to start thinking now.

A funny incident...

I was eating my lunch at a fast-food joint this afternoon before giving tuition... when I noticed a group of men seated at a nearby table laughing and talking...

Had a strange inkling that their conversation was about me, coz the two sitting with their backs toward me would at times revolve their heads to look in my direction. Feelings of vulnerability crept in... but I decided that perhaps I was over-sensitive... I subsequently took out my journal...and began writing laboriously in it...

Tried to ignore the dudes... but failed.com. Stole glances at my neck-line to see if it was too plunging.

After a while, the men got up to leave... Two out of three of them exited the fast-food joint gracefully through the heavy swinging glass-doors. To my alarm, one of them approached my table and sat down in front of me.

Yes, he did not even ask if I was OK with him sitting down...

Me: (thinking: what the nerve!)
Man (while breathing heavily and trying rather unsuccessfully to hide his trembling voice): Um... (speaks in Mandarin) - Hi, can I get to know you? Can I be your friend?
Me (trying to buy time and think of what to say without sounding rude): Sorry, can you please speak in English? (thinking: D-A-R-N! I hope he doesn't think that I am from China...)
Man (in English this time): Sorry... it's nothing really... Can I have your contact... and get to know you?
Me: Um... sorry, I don't think so. I don't give people my phone-number just like that...
Man: Then can we be friends?
Me: Sorry, I don't think so. (Thinking: Gosh, what a harsh answer!)
Man: It's OK.

He got up and disappeared immediately.

Omigosh. I don't think I sounded really polite either... but I was at a total loss what to say. Felt bad for rejecting him so abruptly too, but I had my reasons to be suspicious. (I am now on con-man alert!) And no, I was not flattered at all.

What kind of cheesy pick-up line was that? Did he actually think that I would give him my number?

Now, I am used to random dudes 'stumbling across' my Facebook profile and messaging me to ask if they can get to know me or add me to their friends list. But in person? This was really a first. I could ignore my Facebook messages (which I usually do)... but how should I respond to a situation like today's?

I am still hoping that the other two had dared him to do it - and he was doing it just to make them happy... although it looked nothing like that. *Denial, denial* :P

It must have been some kind of prank....

Sigh, I wish that I could have been a little friendlier though.

Then I dialed Ben's number on my hand-phone and complained to him about the whole incident. He had a good laugh. @_@'

Nevertheless, I was extremely careful while walking to my car after I was done with lunch.

2.49am...

Still working on my church history paper... *___*

Work is yet inconclusive. But it will be time to sleep soon...

Rain beats upon the awning outside my window, relieving the silence. It's a beautiful sound indeed. One that reminds me that the world outside is still alive despite the stifling darkness... and yes, it is alive because God keeps it alive. The sun will rise in the morning. And on another end of the world, my brothers and sisters who are laboring for the gospel will perhaps bid the Lord good night, say their prayers and journey into dream-land.

For now... goodnight world!

A wave of nolstalgia...

Listening to some songs I used to sing in church back in KL makes me all nolstalgic...thanks to the memories and emotions they evoke.

I'd inevitably remember how singing those songs helped me to fix my eyes on God when I was so spent battling my EDs. I'd remember cell group meetings led by Gregory... then Shirley took over... and before I left for Dublin, Jasmine was my CG leader... How we all used to car-pool to one of those condos in Sunway where our meetings would always start with an ice-breaker and a time of worship before we studied God's Word together. The fellowship kept me strong. It was because of the encouragement of my church mates that I continued to seek God seriously when I arrived in Dublin. I remember writing emails back to my church-friends just to let them know how I was getting on in my walk with God.

However, as time and distance had it, I slowly grew more and more out-of-touch with my friends back in KL. I had become rooted in a new church (E.N.Dublin), served there with all my heart and was being discipled and trained to be a worship leader/church musician. My friends too were being scattered all around the world, due to studies and work. Some of them had become leaders of the church...and were as busy with their many commitments as I was with my own. Whenever I returned to KL in the summer holidays, I'd be greeted by a whole sea of foreign faces at church - because it had grown so much while I was away, by God's grace. Eventually, I resided permanently in Penang. My season with CHCKL had to come to an end. What is left of that season today are the friendships, which I still cherish with all my heart.

Nevertheless, when I listen to the songs I used to sing back in KL, I miss CHCKL terribly.

Weekend...

Friday: (ignore the weird smile on my face) - had Western Food at Fettes Park with my most favorite person... My verdict? GOOD FOOD. Awesome time of fellowship too. Ben and I wound up in Gurney Plaza after dinner... to watch Battle of the Assassins... I liked the movie very much.

Saturday: Worship practice in the morning with Peky and the team, lunched at Swatow Lane, had intense preparation for Bible Study in the afternoon (for Ben)...I did some of my assignments...

Sunday: This was me grinning in between 2nd service and 3rd service. It was a very busy day. I was serving in both services...and Ben in the 3rd service.

My poor dear... he was sick...Awww. Saw the doctor on Saturday night, after Bible-study (which he did a great job on btw! Praise God for all wisdom and guidance... and his dedication to serve the King of kings... Really inspired me...) and supper. Practically dragged himself home after that with chills and body-aches... :( So glad he was better after a good night's sleep... and he did not have to look for someone to take his place for duties in the 3rd service.

Good romance...

There is this particular cup of tea sitting on my desk, before my very eyes...

A Starbucks cup with a transparent sea-green cover to keep the tea hot.

What warms me more than the simple pleasures of sipping tea whilst I work quietly away on my assignments is knowing that Ben made it for me.

Then again, I am a sucker for little reminders of his love, even through the familiar things he does. People say that romance requires frequent surprises. Whenever Ben surprises me, I cherish the moments and stow them away carefully - into a 'memory archive'... so that I can reminisce those moments another day and enjoy them to the fullest even long after they have passed. However, romance is also found in the 'regular stuff'...
For example, romance is how I always plant my right hand on his lap whenever he's driving the car... and rest it there contentedly till he takes my hand in his very own.

Or when he sometimes pulls me close and hugs me to his side, while gently and tenderly kissing the top of my head.

Or when we pray together before a meal. Even if we happen to be sitting in the hawker's surrounded by tons of hungry people attacking their own food.

Such magical moments are indeed God-given. Woven into a tapestry, we see God's love and faithfulness spelled out.

Tee-Gee-Ai-Yeff!!!

Woohoo!!!

I am in love with the A Major and F# Major keys...and I am not even sure why. Perhaps, they put me in a better mood when I have been kinda down lately.

Praise God. My resources were dipping really low when God sent me some more provisions for the next few months. He always comes to my rescue just in time! *jumps with joy* To whoever that anonymous Ipoh-ian is - thank you so, so much. May the Lord bless you even more for giving. To Pst. J who always looks out for me even while he's one state away, I truly appreciate him. To everyone who have been praying... I covet your prayers even more! :) Please.

The prayers of people are the best love-gifts ever. Coz I know God listens to every one of them.

Indeed, Jesus is my Shepherd. I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, leads me beside quiet waters and guides me on paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil - for His rod and staff comfort me. He has prepared me a table before my enemies and anointed my head with oil... My cup overflows... Surely His goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life... and I shall dwell in His house forever!

Psalm 23.

Halfway through Church history paper...

Panic, panic... Tomorrow, the second half of October will begin. *Wails*

Have we ceased being "fishers of men" ?

Jesus said to the fishermen, "Follow Me and I will make you fishers of men..."

Notice that the second part of his invitation naturally followed the first - almost like a consequence.

If we have ceased being "fishers of men" or at least sincerely loving and showing love to others, does it mean that we have ceased to follow Jesus?

And if we have indeed ceased to follow Him, what is the cross we are unwilling to take up?

And if there is a cross we have refused to take up, what is keeping us from doing so? What worldly distraction are we not denying ourselves?

I know what keeps me from obeying the command, "Follow Me..." Honestly, it scares me. However, I am comforted that as long as I feel that I ought to surrender to God and earnestly wish that I could turn over a new leaf, God has NOT given up on me yet.

Humbling Wednesday

Firstly... my translation stint in the chapel today went OK... even though I was too soft on the microphone. I apologize for that. It's nothing to do with the sound tech people of course. I was exceptionally nervous, unsure if I had translated correctly (from Mandarin to English) and my head was turned toward the projected images on the white canvas to help me understand what Fung Hain was getting at in Mandarin - thus the inability to "project my voice". It was way, way humbling especially when someone later commented: "... You should not whisper sweet nothings on stage, you know..."

Gosh... :'(

Was kind of discouraged. The obsessive part of me began to ruminate on those very words, and I started despising myself. Last time, I'd go as far as punishing myself, but today, God's grace is helping me to understand that I cannot be good at everything. If I try my best to learn as much as I can, do my best and have a teachable heart, it will be sufficient.

Ah, God have Your way in me. If this is where You want me to learn what I have to learn, help me to do it cheerfully despite the fiery darts received. At least, most of the translations were correct. I am grateful that Fung Hain affirmed me after I had translated every sentence, some of my extremely loyal classmates came over after missions chapel to tell me that I did OK - and Pastor Daniel even told me: "It was a good translation..."

Thanks, guys! You are so sweet... :) All glory and praise to God.

At least, today's presentation is over. Don't think about it anymore, Grace.

Secondly, due to the build-up of stress and fearing a nervous breakdown (yes, I am not kidding!), I decided (for the sake of my sanity as well as the upcoming mission trip for which I have yet to prepare) to drop a precious subject - B.I of the Book of Philippians. *Colossal, humongous sigh* It was definitely not an easy process to drop the subject. I filled in the subject-drop form feeling deeply embarrassed somehow... and then I had to go and get my form signed by Dr. Lawson (the lecturer for Book of Philippians) and my academic dean, Dr. Sunny. Thankfully, they were so nice about it.

Outside, the rain pours with wild abandon. My head and heart aches. *Sobs* God, please be merciful to me - for I can depend on nobody but You. Your child looks to Your providence, seeks Your voice in her wilderness and holds on to every bit of hope Your Word gives. Pray, grant me Your sweet relief. In Jesus' name, amen.

Not a very happy day on the whole...

Unproductive day. OK, at least in terms of the assignments.

Spent most of the morning emo-ing over certain things that I could not sleep over last night. I was positively troubled and depressed in between classes that I couldn't focus, but thanks to the prayers of my dear sisters (Lydia and Rachel), a short serve in the chapel (I had the time of my life blaring the pipe organ to 'All hail the power of Jesus' name'. Haha), my first English tuition session with Jae Eun and a therapeutic sauna, I feel better now. My God be praised!

Also, I am dreading tomorrow. No, it's not the dentist. It's not my bridal photoshoot (coz I am bloated). It's not even a deadline. It's my mission team presentation, in which I'll have to spontaneously translate what Fung Hain says from Mandarin to English. =S

No, I can only imagine...

Anyway, this is totally random --> What is it like to be so good at something that you can do it almost mindlessly and yet bear exceptionally good fruit? Is it necessarily a good thing to be in that position?

After the weekend (and M.I.A)...

BLOOD TEST RESULTS

Collected my body check-up and blood test results on Saturday. Everything is well, my weight's still perfect (although I know I could tone up a little with strength-training)... but as for my cholesterol levels, they are elevated. *boohoo*

I think it is not my fault. Or my parents' fault. Haha. (Coz none of them have hypercholesterolaemia!) Apparently many people in the seminary have had their cholesterol levels raised too... So perhaps, it's got something to do with the food in the seminary. Or the stress levels we so unitedly face!

Ben's mum immediately started me on a course of fish-oil capsules for the Omega-3, EPA and DHA... On my part, I will perhaps start eating oats religiously... and eat less deep-fried food.

WEDDING PREP

Went to the Bridal Fair at Queensbay Mall over the weekend. We finally signed up for a bridal package after weeks and weeks of research. LOL. Subsequently, Ben and I spent most of Sunday discussing who should we put on the wedding committee. It was quite brain-draining I must say *groan*... more importantly, FUN! *grins* I know I might freak out nearer to the wedding day itself... but at least now, I am still OK. We've got awesome friends involved in our plans... That puts me at ease.

Chilled out with a good swimming session down at the RH pool.

NEW CHALLENGES AHEAD

Firstly - I am about to be a Mandarin-English translator in chapel on Wednesday. Fung Hain and I are going to do a presentation to the school on our Poland M.T. Since our chapel services are bi-lingual, she will be speaking in Mandarin and myself in English. After that, I am giving a testimony of some of my highlights in Poland. I covet your prayers... especially because I am a banana-Chinese (i.e I am yellow on the outside and kinda white on the inside) and there was no time to write out a script because both of us were so overwhelmingly busy -so I'll have to do it spontaneously. @_@'

Secondly, my assignments. Words cannot describe how stressed I am over all of them.

Thirdly, I am going on a new mission from this week onwards. I will be giving English tuition to a Korean girl twice a week... so do keep me in prayers with regards to time management, provisions, language barriers and such.

Lastly, I had a thought over the weekend ~ I don't only want to hear people telling me, "Wow! God loves you so much..." - I want to always experience His love, and therefore say, "WOW!!! God loves me so much", myself. I need to work on my spiritual walk with God more consistently.

Anxiety

Geez.... My internet connection has been driving me up the wall in the past few days.

It has been challenging to do my work without good internet connection. As a result, I am feeling especially anxious about my research papers. As Dr. Sunny puts it, I am terribly back-logged... :(

Praise God for good exam results though. With all the assignments, I had to study just the night before the exam last Friday... but thank God for having mercy on me and giving me exceptional memory so that everything in my notes got 'internalized' pretty quickly... Also, for the steady flow of thoughts during the exam so that I could recall everything. Thanks for the prayers, those who prayed. I am so grateful!

Just got a part-time 'job'. I'll be giving English tuition to a Korean lady twice a week from next week onwards. I am not sure how it will work out... but may God provide sufficiently to cover all travel expenses and make all things work together for good.

Wednesday

Went through the Book of Ephesians today.

The colors, lines and notes which I had marked on the thin pages of my Bible in the previous years excited me. However, when I searched God's Word, there was fresh anticipation of hearing from Him again. Something fresh, something different from what I have previously learnt and recorded in the margins... Someday... many years from today, I want to testify to my grand-children that God's Word never grows stale... It is like freshly baked bread every-time it is consumed, regardless of the season. Bread that keeps one wanting more and more. Bread that gives me a distaste for spiritual junk-food.

Mission trip to Sarawak is slightly more than a month's time away... I am extremely unprepared. With all these assignments taking up all my waking hours, I can hardly find sufficient time to be still and wait on God. I covet your prayers!

Tuesday

Assignments again.

(Why are the weekends so short? I barely caught up with my sleep debt...)

I am in dire need of good coffee - instead of the usual Tesco Value 3-in-1.

Currently in the last section of my Eating Disorders paper (child, church and mission)... While it has been a good paper to write (I enjoyed the research, despite the sleep deprivation), I definitely hope to FINISH it up by tomorrow...and get on with my 'Children and Spirituality' and Church History assignments. On top of many other assignments...

Anyway...

Joy! Thank God and thanks Lydia for a love-gift today. It is through blessings like these God reminds me of His will ~ that I continue to faithfully run the race till I reach the finishing line.

Other updates: Wedding prep is still on-going. Ben and I are prayerfully 'researching' on bridal shops - for the rental of a wedding dress, bridal photos and some other wedding-day needs - so that we get the best value for our money, while being good stewards of God's provisions. Also, we met up with our church's wedding coordinator, Ruth, on Sunday... for some advice on the logistics.

7 months to go before I become a Mrs. Somebody and I am starting to get the jitters thinking about that day. :P LOL! *chews on fingernail*

My dear's birthday is coming up. This is the time of the year when I start to contemplate what I can do for him. Any ideas?

Back to blogging after the weekend...

Just returned home from school... after a day of classes, lunch, chit-chat with Seng Mui...

I am blogging before Ben's parents come over to help me with my car (it needs to be moved to the workshop - coz the battery's gone flat).

I started reading the Book of Galatians yesterday.

In Galatians, Paul warns the churches in Galatia against false gospel teachings that weighed down the people unnecessarily and caused them to be enslaved to the old traditions and law that they were used to before their new life in Christ (i.e. you need to be circumcised to be saved). Subsequently, he exhorts the Christians to live lives of freedom in Christ...

I like what he said in Gal 5:

vs 1, 6 - "...It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery...For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love..."

vs 13-16: "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in the sinful nature, rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself, if you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature..."

Love is a big-time imperative. And no, I am not talking about the mushy love... which makes you feel all nice and gooey inside. It is loving when it is truly difficult. It is having compassion on even those who are extremely annoying, unappreciative and hurtful. People whom you wish that you could wipe off the face of this earth. (In the case of someone I know, people whom he wishes he could fling up into the moon, if he had some super powers :P - For this reason, I am so glad that he is a normal human being, with no super powers...)

Love is about dying to yourself.

I will probably take a lifetime to learn what it really means to love.

I am not sure if you could tell that I am a Christian, if I did not say a word. I just hope that my frequent moments of impatience, irritation and annoyance never show up on my face. (Ben always says that he can tell though - and he is usually right :P Oh yeah.) Obviously, I still have a lot of room for growth in my faith.

In fact, without the Holy Spirit, it would be utterly impossible to love unconditionally, like Christ did.

And without our commitment to walk by the Spirit, it would be impossible to live the life of freedom and abundance Christ meant us to have in Him. What would it be like to be Christians with no love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in our hearts, I wonder?

My insides would be all knotted up in conflict, I believe.

Saturday

Went to the dentist's (my most unfavorite place to go) after going to church to play piano for the XEE... Had to do something about the tooth-aches and stuff...

Some scary looking sharps...

This was just before the dentist came in for the unpleasant procedures on my teeth and gums...It's no wonder I try to avoid seeing the dentist every year :P Had a local anaesthetic injection administered on my gum, before Dr. Eng did a curettage on my gum + scaled my teeth and I ended up spitting out alot of blood into the sink.

Now, his turn...

The dentist went to the next room to tend to someone else first... Ben waited for so long...

...that he fell asleep...

Celebrating our new smiles at 600C.C ... hehhh... I think Ben was still in pain :P As for me, the local anaesthetic on my right gum was still in action - I could force the right corner of my mouth into a grin - but I could not wrinkle that side of my mouth, purse my lips and suck from a straw for many hours... I thought - "Wow, this is how some one with a facial palsy (7th cranial nerve paralysis) would feel like..."

CG that night. We made friends with the care-taker's new puppy...

Meet Honey...the shy, dear little puppy... who warmed up to us later and growled at our shoes.

"Shake hands?"

"No?"

Honey finally says, "Hello"...

"Good dog!"

My CG leader waiting for all the members to arrive... *thinks of closing-up early* (They finally arrived closer to 8pm)

We whiled away some time camwhoring...

Don't worry. We were not practicing for the bridal shots we are planning to take at the end of this year. I promise... :P