Humbling Wednesday

Firstly... my translation stint in the chapel today went OK... even though I was too soft on the microphone. I apologize for that. It's nothing to do with the sound tech people of course. I was exceptionally nervous, unsure if I had translated correctly (from Mandarin to English) and my head was turned toward the projected images on the white canvas to help me understand what Fung Hain was getting at in Mandarin - thus the inability to "project my voice". It was way, way humbling especially when someone later commented: "... You should not whisper sweet nothings on stage, you know..."

Gosh... :'(

Was kind of discouraged. The obsessive part of me began to ruminate on those very words, and I started despising myself. Last time, I'd go as far as punishing myself, but today, God's grace is helping me to understand that I cannot be good at everything. If I try my best to learn as much as I can, do my best and have a teachable heart, it will be sufficient.

Ah, God have Your way in me. If this is where You want me to learn what I have to learn, help me to do it cheerfully despite the fiery darts received. At least, most of the translations were correct. I am grateful that Fung Hain affirmed me after I had translated every sentence, some of my extremely loyal classmates came over after missions chapel to tell me that I did OK - and Pastor Daniel even told me: "It was a good translation..."

Thanks, guys! You are so sweet... :) All glory and praise to God.

At least, today's presentation is over. Don't think about it anymore, Grace.

Secondly, due to the build-up of stress and fearing a nervous breakdown (yes, I am not kidding!), I decided (for the sake of my sanity as well as the upcoming mission trip for which I have yet to prepare) to drop a precious subject - B.I of the Book of Philippians. *Colossal, humongous sigh* It was definitely not an easy process to drop the subject. I filled in the subject-drop form feeling deeply embarrassed somehow... and then I had to go and get my form signed by Dr. Lawson (the lecturer for Book of Philippians) and my academic dean, Dr. Sunny. Thankfully, they were so nice about it.

Outside, the rain pours with wild abandon. My head and heart aches. *Sobs* God, please be merciful to me - for I can depend on nobody but You. Your child looks to Your providence, seeks Your voice in her wilderness and holds on to every bit of hope Your Word gives. Pray, grant me Your sweet relief. In Jesus' name, amen.