TGIF!

It's been a rough few days for some of us - I've been emotionally challenged in many ways - I know it's supposed to build my character. God can't mould our characters except through the discipline of waiting and perseverance. He does amazing things with broken people... but on the human side, it's been such painful, sobering and exhausting processes (with some itch mixed into the potpourri of difficulties - no thanks to eczema!!!) - I've got to wrestle hard with Him since I'm such a tough nut to crack - that I'm uberly glad that today is my favourite day of the week ~ FRIDAY! Phew!

Drinking black coffee with relish...

Was at school for pre-orientation today. Picked my subjects for my 2nd term, with the help of some of my friends - because I felt so lost. (Geez, so what's new?:P) Anyway, it did me good to drive to MBTS, round those therapeutic corners and bends (I just love wooshing round them - not the point of drifting of course!), and catch sight of the glorious shimmering blue of the sea! What a masterpiece of God's creation.

Who would have thought that random, asymmetrical clutters of brown, barnacled rocks would have fringed the great ocean with such grace, but He, who made boundaries that these waters could not cross onto dry land? God made nature so beautiful, so communicative and vibrant indeed. How great is our God!

We had missions team meeting after lunch - to pray and do a short devotion together. We will be meeting again on Monday, this time at Bayswater, for lunch at Dong Hoon's house - he's gonna cook us Korean Food!:) Yummy!

Recently, I've been discovering more and more people who live further away from MBTS than I do! Greenlane, Gelugor, Bayan Lepas, Balik Pulau, etc. Wow! I've tried driving from Sg. Ara to MBTS before - it takes slightly less than 1 hour... but these people don't seem to mind the distance, and in fact arrive at school punctually and cheerfully too! Double-wow! What passion! In fact, I know of a guy who lives in Bayan Lepas and arrives at MBTS at 7am every morning during STCM for morning prayer meetings. That really encouraged me! That is the heart attitude I would like to have as well. I also know of a pastor from Butterworth, who travels to and fro everyday, just to attend classes at MBTS. What dedication! Travelling does not only takes time and effort. It also requires petrol = money! But all these are such small investments to make, compared to the abundant fruits of being equipped for the work of God and the building of His eternal Kingdom - is it not?

Where is God in our hearts, if we do not trust Him to provide us all our needs?

I've made the decision to rejoice and be glad, even if God should give me a new sanctuary to live in further away from the seminary, than right now. For His Word says in Psalm 91:1 - 'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.'

This also, I thought, gives no excuse for people to arrive late at church for services/meetings - especially since Trinity is in the middle - between Batu Feringghi and Bayan Lepas! Love the Lord with all your heart, with all your mind, with all your soul and with ALL YOUR STRENGTH!!! :D

Lack of awareness of eating disorders in Malaysia

Here are 2 very troubling articles I found on The Star Online, posted on the 24th June 2007. Before I put them up, let me say something:

It troubled me very much, because I have had them for more than 10 years - til' about 1-2 years ago, when I can almost safely say that I've recovered from them - and therefore I understand how difficult it can be dealing with 'em on your own, without professional help. For me, in those days, it was hardly spoken of at church - so I didn't know who to confess my ED to. Thankfully, I had amazing church friends who took good care of me.

It troubles me to think that there may be many more girls and women (and an alarming increase in boys and men) than we can imagine, quietly fighting an eating disorder on their own. Some may even die from the complications of the illness - without even knowing the Lord. It makes me very furious to see how Satan uses it to his full advantage to steal, kill and destroy lives precious to God, especially that of our potential leaders of tomorrow. I hate watching EDs wreck families apart, and causing strain in relationships/friendship. It is a malicious illness indeed.

It troubles me to think how lightly our society takes eating disorders, and how many parents merely dismiss what their daughters are going as 'just a phase'. If the prevalence of this illness is 1 in 10 in the age-group of 18-30+ - and I believe, will increase as times go by - shouldn't we be taking it more seriously? Shouldn't Christian parents be praying more diligently for their daughters and bringing them up embrace the authentic womanhood God meant to give them as a beautiful gift?

Since I've gone through that terrible decade of my life fighting EDs (anorexia nervosa --> bulimia) I fear all the time for sisters, the youth in my church, my peers, my relatives, my neighbours, friends of my friends, my daughters, etc. I realized when I was in college/university that at least 1 in 10 girls were at very high-risk of EDs. Some of them already had the 'full-blown' version of it! ~ Christians are NOT spared. While the Lord has placed some of such young Christian women 'under my care' especially in the past 5 years (I definitely wish to be more faithful praying for them!), it is my greatest passion and desire to spread awareness on EDs in my country, so that more ED sufferers would be brave enough to seek medical attention, more ED survivors would be able to support and encourage the aforementioned in their journey to recovery, and most importantly, may the churches of Malaysia reach out to these with love and acceptance as God first reached out to us - that many would come to be saved, discipled, healed and delivered. What an area of missions and ministry! But where are the workers?

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Lack of awareness on eating disorders

MANY victims of eating disorders usually go undetected until their problems are manifested in severe health conditions, like drastic weight loss and disruption or secondary amenorrhea (when menstruation stops).

For instance, patients admitted to the Penang Hospital for eating disorders are reported to have a body mass index (BMI) of below 12 when a healthy BMI for Asians is anything between 18.5 and 24.

Malaysia's head of psychiatry Datuk Dr Suarn Singh says parents are also hesitant to seek professional help because of the fear of stigmatisation – having their child being recorded as a psychiatric case.

“Eating disorders are psychiatric problems and the patients must be referred for treatment by experts including psychiatrists,” he says.

He also laments the lack of awareness on eating disorder among Malaysians, including professionals.

“There are no seminars or conferences that address the issue specifically. I hope the media will do more write-ups on the condition so that the public will understand the problem better,” he says.

Although the incidence of eating disorders in the country has yet to reach an alarming stage, nevertheless Dr Suarn says there must be concerted effort to address the problem – from creating public awareness to getting parents and medical practitioners to be on the look out for signs and symptoms of the problem and referring the patients for proper treatment.

On the profile of patients with eating disorder, he says: “Most of them are in fact quite intelligent and have been performing well in school. Their academic performance would be hardly affected, at least not at the early stage of their problem.

That is why most parents tend to think that their child will grow out of the problem.”

Dr Suarn says many patients seek professional help only when their condition has reached a critical stage.

“For instance, parents are only worried when the menstruation of their children are affected,” he says.

Penang Hospital child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr Lai Fong Hwa says Malaysia is yet to have an eating disorder unit. Nevertheless, the hospital has an adhoc multidisciplinary team of specialists comprising psychiatrists, staff nurses, occupational therapists and physiotherapists to handle such cases.

Dr Lai says the hospital submitted a proposal to the Health Ministry a few months ago requesting a few beds for patients with eating disorders. Such patients admitted to the hospital would be taught how to exercise and relax and this would not only relieve their anxiety over eating but also help tone up their muscles.

Chartered psychologist Dr Hera Lukman from the International Medical University says Malaysia is in dire need of an eating disorder unit.

“We definitely need one here. There are people with eating disorders who come and talk to me but I can only refer them to the closest centre, which is in Singapore,” she says.

However, she adds, the cost and distance of going to the centre deter them from seeking help.

“When help is delayed, the condition can become severe and death can happen.”'

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Expert: One in 10 young girls are prone to eating disorders

By NG CHENG YEE

'KUALA LUMPUR: Walk into any urban campus and there will be hordes of young girls who are slim and dressed in clothes that reveal their figure. Being thin is in and many are dying to be thin. They want to emulate weight-conscious celebrities like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.

And this is one of the reasons for a rising problem among young females - eating disorder. About 70% of them are not satisfied with the shape - and size - of their bodies.

In a study conducted by chartered psychologist Dr Hera Lukman, it was revealed that about one in 10 young urban female college students is prone to eating disorders in their quest for a perfect body shape.

Dr Lukman, a senior lecturer at the Faculty of Medicine at the International Medical University’s (IMU) Community Medicine and Behavioural Sciences Section, conducted the recent survey among 578 female college students aged between 18 and 25 in the Klang Valley.

Although there are signs that this problem is on the rise, there has been no study to determine the number, as those suffering from the problem rarely seek help voluntarily.

Nevertheless, Dr Lukman said studies have shown that the prevalence of eating disorders in Asian countries was comparable to that in the West, where between 1% and 4% of girls aged between 14 and 18 have an eating disorder.

In Singapore, a National University of Singapore’s (NUS) study of 4,400 female students in 2005 also showed that 7% of them were found to be at high risk of disorders like anorexia and bulimia.

Penang Hospital’s child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr Lai Fong Hwa said there was a six-fold increase in the incidence of eating disorders in Singapore in the last 10 years.

On her survey, Dr Lukman said those affected were usually terrified of gaining weight though they were underweight or emaciated.

“The students in my survey had, among others, displayed behaviour, attitude and thoughts which were associated with eating disorders. Only 28% of them were satisfied with the shape of their bodies,” she said in an interview.

The two most common eating disorders are anorexia nervosa (when one engages in self-induced food restrictions and excessive exercise although underweight) and bulimia nervosa (uncontrollable overeating or bingeing, followed by self-induced vomiting and purging via the use of laxatives). The medical fraternity usually terms them as a “complex psychological problem” with “possible indirect links” with the environment.

Dr Lukman said interviews with some of the respondents revealed that they would induce vomiting after eating. Some of them would feel guilty about eating and subsequently resort to eating in isolation or “secretive eating”.

Dr Lukman added that eating disorders were chronic conditions with devastating physical, psychological and social consequences when not given immediate attention and multi-disciplinary approach treatment by experts like physicians, psychiatrists, dieticians and family therapists.

The dangers of eating disorders usually make headlines when a celebrity or prominent figure dies from it. In November last year, Brazilian model Ana Carolina Reston, 21, was reported to have died of anorexia nervosa. She was 1.74m tall and weighed only 40kg when she died. Many Tinseltown celebrities like Nicole Richie and Mary-Kate Olsen are constantly under the media glare for losing weight and looking unhealthily thin.

On treatment for eating disorders, Dr Lukman said Malaysia has yet to have a centre for such patients and she had to refer her patients for treatment overseas, with the nearest centre in Singapore. There was dire need for such a centre to provide proper and affordable treatment for eating disorders and conduct more in-depth research on the problem.

She said patients could not seek treatment overseas due to the high costs incurred.

Dr Lai said it costs about RM1,000 a day for an eating disorder patient to get treatment in Singapore. The high cost of treatment was because of the number of professionals involved in the care.

“If Malaysia were to set up an eating disorder centre, treatment would still cost a few hundred ringgit a day, although patients who seek help at government hospitals at the moment are treated free,” he said.

“The problem in Malaysia may not be as serious (compared to Singapore), but I am seeing and hearing of more such cases these days,” he said.

She said it was also difficult to identify a person with eating disorders, especially Asians, because the females tend to be thinner and have a smaller frame.

Countries where eating disorders are common include Japan, South Korea, Thailand, China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, India, Pakistan, Egypt and Israel, she added.

Dr Lukman said eating disorders are more common among females than males. For every 10 to 20 females with eating disorders, there would be one male with similar problem.'

God, teach me how to pray about this. Or show me what I can do about this.

Thursday

Something to cheer me up today... a book lent to me by gracious Rachel...

Last Sunday

Somemore fried cempedak to fatten me up :D Not that I cared, they were yummilicious!!!!

Tomorrow's pre-orientation day for the next term at MBTS... which means I have to pick my subjects for Sept-Nov.

Whoa, one term over already??! How time flies! :D woo hoo!! Before I know it, I'll be graduating. @_@ Hehe, in 8 terms time.

I truly wish that I had brown-bagged something from Mackers on my way back home today. My house has honestly nothing interesting to eat! (Although I should be thankful that there are at least still fruits in the fridge, cream cheese, crackers, cereal and beh teh sor... and a mamak store downstairs - but I just mamak-ed yesterday - before MLM class) *Big sigh* Visions of Mcd's double-cheese burger are making me even more miserable.

I am so sien. So, so sien. There isn't even anywhere interesting I could go to on a Thursday night! Which means I have to stay at home and do homework... :( ~ My word, I'm even getting bored of doing work!

Called my knight in shining armour - poor guy has been stuck in meetings the whole day, but still offered to drive down to see me. He was so nice about it, that I suddenly felt very guilty of kicking up such a big fuss. Told him to go home and rest. We agreed to meet tomorrow instead. Sorry, dear!

ARRRGH!! *Screams in frustration*

Boy, aren't we cranky? This has got to be one of the crankiest days I've had. And yet, it is too early for any hormonal imbalance of any sort...

I'm such a girl today. A girl having an unearthly craving for soft, gooey cheese!!!

I'm going to order-in Mcd's. Sorry people, I know I am breaking my own rule of not eating fast-food on a weekday! I'm going for that double-cheese burger!!!

Being night owl...

Wednesday is almost over - but the night has just started for me, hehe. Yeah! You got it - the night is still young!

I know, I know - considering that I was into all the health thingy and med line, you'd think I would be seriously particular about getting the right amounts of sleep, sleeping at the right hours, etc. But really - erm, have you ever known me to be good about that?:P *guilty look* Haven't you heard - doctors make the worst patients?:P Ok, I may not be a doctor now - but bad habits diehard.

Anyway, thanks to all my PROCRASTINATION on some stuff (OCR, does that sound familiar? Tsk, tsk, tsk - I wish I had more than 2 hands), I am again the night-owl! @_@ *Goes off to make Mocha for herself*

There are ulcers in my mouth again!

Something exciting also came up, so now I will need to pray. Recently I've been discovering more and more that being an adult can be scary :D So many decisions to make, so many things to consider, plans, etc. Can no longer feel free to hang onto mummy's apron strings - (or dad's, in my case). Although I'm more than halfway through my 20s, I still feel like I am still a girl at heart sometimes... and not yet woman. :P *disturbing thought* There are still so many things I need to learn...and I fear that I am not down-to-earth at times. *Big grin* but then again, I believe that having faith in God would keep fear from rising. He is after-all, my Father. My Refuge. My dwelling place. My Lord, in whom I trust.

Mission team meeting tomorrow.

Wednesday

Met up with Rachel in the morning for brunch and chit-chat. Was truly blessed by this one incredible sister; wish we had more time - but she had to go back to work. Hehe... I had work to catch up with myself.

Eczema's back again. Hate the itch - should have bought a new box of antihistamines... but I did not. I hope I can tahan without the antihistamines (heard that you develop a tolerance to it after a while - then you would need increasingly higher doses for the same efficacy). If I can't, I will have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow. Will just avoid scratching (the most difficult part), stay off the eczema-triggering foods for the time being, and keep myself cool and hydrated.. I'm just dreading cleaning my apartment tomorrow.

Made a little progress with my work. Praise God. I'm just glad that on the days there is no inspiration for it, there are still times of meaningful communion with Him.

MLM tonight.

Stuck... The clock continues to tick on...

I'm currently stuckus in my work, and have no idea how to go on... Sucks. In my growing impatience, panic and desperation, I remembered that as Rome was not built in one day. Let's hope that my workshop material will come together by the end of this month. God, help me!

Had a short half-an-hour nap to try and sleep off the consequences of coffee-overdose (oooops!!!), walloped a beh teh sor (wasn't hungry - just peckish) and here I am sitting at the PC again.

Many other distracting thoughts on my mind today. All of them have got nothing to do with my studies or mission trip - but important stuff nonetheless. This has got to be a season of learning how to trust God in patience, joy and surrender! It is so difficult waiting without whining and telling the Lord to speed things up! Haha. But I realize that nobody can learn to trust Him without being put through such a discipline... and yeah, God's timing is perfect. He makes all things beautiful in His time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11) We've got to remember that.

One powerful story in the Bible that truly encouraged me yesterday. John 2:1-11. I love it! The story of how Jesus, His disciples and Mary were at a wedding party, when the hosts ran out of wine. Jesus provided them new wine in a most unusual way. He told the servants to fill mere stone jars (which were used for ceremonial washings by the Jews), 6 of them each able to hold up to 20-30 gallons, with pure water to their brim... which they faithfully and obediently did. Then He said, "Now, draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet."

So Jesus chose vessels which were not originally designed for the intended purpose (to store wine) to brings out the provisions of God! And He turned the fruit of the servants' faithful obedience into channels of blessings! What a miracle!

I dearly would have liked to watch the scene that followed, live - for myself! The master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned to wine, and not knowing where the wine came from, he called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first, and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now!" Basically, the banquet master was saying, "This is the best wine I've tasted! Why only serve it now?"

Wow! Praise God! His provisions are definitely way better than what we can provide for ourselves with our own human efforts! What a promise. Let us then be faithful with the little we have.

This story gave me a lot of encouragement to wait on God this week. Not for financial provisions for my studies this time! But for another need so big that I can't imagine how I'll be able to find resources for it. But with God, if it is according to His purposes, then all things are possible! My prayer is that He would show me what to fill my 'stone jars' with that He may turn its contents from nothing into something. May His will be done.

Zoey, thanks for the email! Needed that :)

Meeting up with a younger sister in Christ, Rachel, tomorrow! :) Something to cheer me up in the midst of operasi memerah otak.

Tuesday

Before I go on, this is a picture of some of us who took last week's intensive course on Youth Discipleship, courtesy of David Paksoal.

- First row from left to right: David Parks (our lecturer), Kooi Hoon, Yusuf, James, Kevin, Vivien, me, Elaine, David Paksoal. Second row from left to right: Wilson, Matthew, a pastor from New Zealand (I am still trying to remember his name - many apologies!), Mark Aaron Lin.

Been reading a new book recently, entitled, 'The Spirit of Disciplines : Understanding how God changes lives' authored by Dallas Willard. While it is part of one of my assignments, I am truly savouring the book, because it is so good! Something that caught my attention was... you know how we always say, "What would Jesus do" when suddenly in the face of critical situations? While it would no doubt do some good, this is simply not an adequate discipline of preparation to enable one to live as He lived. The idea conveyed in this practice is an 'absolutely fatal one' (according to this book) - to follow Him, according to the WWJD thingy simply means to try to behave as He did when He was 'on the spot', under pressure or persecuted. However, as the author mentioned in page 9, '...there is no realization that what He did in such cases was, in a large and essential measure, the natural outflow of the life He lived when not on the spot.'

Spiritual discipline. I can see how misguided some people are. Many I know do not want to bother with the tougher bits of following Jesus on your regular, care-free day. They think it's pointless to spend time with the Lord - studying His Word, praying, worshipping, etc - when they have so many other so-called 'more important' matters to attend to. Work, children and for some Christians I know - even ministry.

I'm not trying to be legalistic here - but what is ministry when it is not birthed from an individual's whole-hearted pursuit of God behind the scenes of valiantly 'doing'? An effective ministry isn't merely one with the most activities,or even the most elaborate plans. But it is one, in which its leader having established spiritual intimacy with the Lord is so sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading. Then he or she influences the rest of the team, gathers more like-minded, faithful people on board (and not just anyone with the required spiritual gifts and talents!), communicates clearly the kingdom vision of God and does only the things God leads him/her to do. I've shared many times what Laura used to tell me - about this, but I will share it again here. "Your work in ministry can only be birthed out of spiritual intimacy with God - or it would be all in vain." We need the infilling of God, before we can give. Laura used to tell me the story of the sponge. If you squeeze a old, dry sponge, you would get nothing but gush of air trapped within its 'pores', dirt and disgusting fibers! (I've tried, oh yeah! Yucky.) But squeeze a dripping wet sponge - and you get all the water you'll need.

Since I'm talking about ministry here, this leads me to another concern...

It is also rather scary when ministry leaders are doing stuff in the ministries not led by the Holy Spirit, but based on a heavy, compulsory reliance on the dictation of his/her superiors....and the fear of not meeting the expectations of the (sometimes over-enthusiastic) pastor. It's almost like working in any secular organization, whereby your performance and productivity determines the security of your position in the company. Instead of following God's ultimate timing, they rush to meet datelines and are under constant pressure to produce 'results' often measured by numbers. Being too busy to spend quality time in solitude, prayer and meditation on the Word, they end up preaching stale topics borrowed from other sermons they have read or listened to, instead of prayerfully preparing them from scratch, just so that they can please the senior pastor and meet the expected datelines. Impressive as they may look and sound, we can guess what kind of fruit these bear. After all, we reap what we sow!

Now don't get me wrong. I do believe in submission to the authorities God has placed in our lives - you can read Romans 13:1-2 for yourselves - however, within the biblical limits. It is a sad and unfortunate fact in many (though not all) churches and Christian organizations that pastors, and elders can attempt to exert a heavy-handed, authoritarian type of control over their members (including 'lay' ministry leaders), whereby such behaviour is often defended under the guise of love and shepherding. The Bible indeed gives a certain level of spiritual authority to church leadership, but often such authority is abused and misused, going beyond what the scriptures allow. I have seen some ministry leaders burn out under such authoritarian leadership, and many of these leave their post and church all together, while those they led flee, frustrated at their leader's lack of direction. After all, Jeremiah 10:21 reminds us that senseless shepherds who do not inquire of the Lord do NOT prosper and their flock is scattered! Such a ministry leader also sometimes exert the same abuse of power over his/her team members - and a vicious cycle is established.

A study of God's Word shows that the apostle Paul, the most prolific New Testament writer, never once claimed control over the personal lives of those he discipled and led. Instead of elevating himself to the 'authoritative', dictator position over the church, he knew he was to be a servant-leader. In 2 Corinthians 1:24, he wrote, "Not that we have dominion over your faith, but are fellow workers for your joy." Who cannot but help earnestly desiring to submit willingly to such noble leadership? He considered himself part of the team, charged with helping others to mature in their faith... leading by example and not by militant rule. In the same letter, Paul addressed the Corinthians who foolishly tolerated their self-important leaders' enslaving the congregation with their authority in verses 11:19-20 - "For you put up with fools gladly, since you yourselves are wise! For you put up with it if one brings you into bondage, if one devours you, if one takes from you, if one exalts himself, if one strikes you on the face."

Peter also was extremely clear on the Lord's expectations for leaders. In 1 Peter 5:1-3, he writes this, "The elders who are among you I exhort...Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion... nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock."

Jesus Himself taught with regard to the role of leaders, speaking against those who 'lord over' others. He said in Mark 10:42-45 - "You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you... For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve...." God stresses on the importance of not submitting to just any spiritual leader - but one who is godly, who is a servant leader, God-fearing, and Spirit-led - just like Christ.

I suddenly remember what my former pastor, Rev. Jeyakumar, said in one of our Experiencing God classes, about submission. Particularly between a husband and wife. Yes, God wants wives to submit to their husbands. But a husband cannot make his wife submit to him - rather, it is something she joyfully decides to do between God and herself, if her husband is a servant leader as Christ is to His bride, the Church. A misunderstanding of such, has led to some husbands abusing their authorities over their wives. And many women, not knowing how to apply this in their lives, have resorted to the torment of wife-beating, sexual abuse, etc. Many don't leave their homes to look for shelter outside until it is too late. Similarly, submitting to leaders at church who misuse their power can breed alot of damage. We are all in great need of discernment here.

Here, I can guess what some would bring up to question what I've just written. "What about Hebrews 13:17 that instructs believers to '...obey those who rule over you?' "

We must remember that the English version of the Bible is yet a translation from the old Greek text! The Greek word for "obey" was Peiqo - which originally means 'to be persuaded by'. It does NOT mean to obey in the context of Peiqarceo - which means, 'to obey a ruler or superior' or Upakouo. It does not give church leadership unrestrained control and dictation over the lives of their members. Instead, it teaches the believers to consider the example of truly God-fearing servant-leaders who have taken up the mantle of leadership God has given them over a 'flock' of people.

Having said all that, (I think some would beg to differ), I don't agree with a system or an organization dictating what a ministry leader should do for the ministry God has called him/her to and imposing policies which must be decided on the individual's exercise before God. While all guidelines and counsel are great, and God so often directs us through the instructions of our leaders, having an organization dictate the will of God makes the leader merely a blind follower of a bunch of must-do's and mustn't-do's - and he/she loses the ability to strategize and be led by the Spirit himself/herself. While we are to be persuaded by good leaders (peiqo), it is even more important and vital to carefully submit to the will of God Himself.

Monday writes...

Monday. A breather...

My favourite day of the week when there are no classes. I usually go out for lunches with friends and just regular, good ol' coffee dates with God. About the latter - it's usually during such precious hours I get to think, write, talk to God about important issues, reflect, etc. without being bothered or distracted by anything else. It's like bonus to my regular time with Him the rest of the week! Especially now that you get good coffee along with it... :P (But I assure you, that's not the biggest deal.)

Busy, busy week - hope I get some parts of my work done soon. August is already around the corner!

Youth Sunday

MYF (youth) Sunday at church today. How timely huh. Just when I've finished doing last week's classes - and today, the Speaker was stressing on the importance of the Youth Ministry in church and its potential to raise up a generation of God-fearing men and women! Cool!

Anyway, talking about the youth, I remember my younger days with much fondness. Eating disorders, a very poor self-image, high levels of emotional stress at school (I was a way, way perfectionist), crushes on guys which led to alot of heart-ache (yes they did!), etc. But at the same time, God had graciously brought into my life the wisest, godliest women who played huge roles in my spiritual growth and my journey to recovery from eating disorders. These were the people who loved me, discipled me, prayed with me, shared with me their lives, modelled godliness... and because of their evident faith and love for God in everything they did and said, I too desired to embrace the 'biblical womanhood' thingy - which included being a good wife and mother. Today, faced with a younger generation so caught up with the trends of technology, Facebook and post-modernism worldview, I cannot help but feel that passion and burden to do for the young women what my older sisters in Christ did for me in the past. It was about the second best gift I've received in my life (the best being my salvation!) - one which I still deeply cherish even today.

Btw, I thought I'd just make a statement here today: There will be officially no more weekly trips to Mini Taman Negara! LOL! That's because the owners (our church members) are finally back from their one-year stay in Singapore (thanks to Uncle C's work) ~ and therefore no more green stories of snake-skins, garden creepy-crawlies, etc... I must congratulate my boyfriend, who has been diligently care-taking this house for the past year - it has been hard work, especially with so many other things on his plate. Anyway, gardening, declogging the drains on hot Sunday afternoons, dealing with the bills, emergencies, DIY's, etc; he did them all so graciously, by God's grace, even when he was tired. (I was not quite as cheerful as he was, I regret to say:P ~ even though I usually did nothing much but to hang around and talk to him while he was hard as work.) I am indeed very encouraged by his servant's attitude, and hope to learn to serve and walk the extra mile for others like he does.

TGIF!!!

Daily homework, this whole week...

TGIF!!!

Woke up late today - 7.10am! Thanks to the cumulative effect of a whole week of late nights! That had me waking up screeching, "I'm LATE! I'm LATE!" like the White Rabbit in Alice-in-Wonderland, springing out of bed like Jack-in-the-box, brushing teeth, taking a 2-min shower, and slathering on face-cream in great hurry. Phew. Was hysterical. Thank God the traffic flow wasn't too bad today - I reached class about 2 minutes before we began.

We have had essay tests every morning this whole week - and in the past few days, I realized that my best time to study is at the breakfast table in the final 10 minutes before I leave home for school - when my mind's all fresh (well, kinda - could have been fresher if I had gone to zzz earlier! But we had loads of homework too!). Today, I had no opportunity to study for my essay test - simply because I had gotten up late!:P So in that 2 minutes I sat huffing and puffing (from climbing the steep slopes) and waiting for our test to begin, I studied for the test.

Being me, I was careless enough to leave my notes at home in all that rush this morning, so Vivien let me read her notes before the test began. @_@ I only had time to speed-read the pages - just to catch the main points. It was amazing - because just yesterday, Vivien had borrowed my notes after class to photo-stat as she hadn't gotten to write them down while the lectures was going on. So today, I got to read my own handwriting - which was great! (I don't cope well reading foreign hand-writing just before my exams, usually) All that in 2 minutes! And praise God the essay test went well! The stuff I had just read (in such great panic) was still way, way fresh in my head. I could even remember how the words looked on the pages - and basically 'copied' out the points. Then goreng the elaborations...

We had missions team meeting right after lunch. Joseph (see pics below), our Korean team-mate, was leading us in devotion today, before we prayed. It was a good meeting - I really enjoyed it. Then after the meeting was over, I had a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with Vanessa :)

Above: Joseph leading devotion

One more thing: PRAISE GOD for great results in my first course (exams and assignments)! I was very blessed to see my transcript slip yesterday, coz I had expected a much lower grade.

Thursday

I'm currently faced with one big issue which I can't exactly make head or tail of - neither can I determine how to respond to it. For far too long, I've been sort of putting up with it... trying to adapt to the culture... trying to focus on the stuff that didn't bother me... etc. And I'm starting to grow restless. (I think I know now what usually follows such restlessness...) However I believe that God brought me to this spot for a reason because He's a God of purpose. I just don't know why I always have to come to such standstills! There was one of these back in medical school. And now, here is another one. Looking back to where I've come from, many wonderful things have taken place - but looking forward from here, where should I go? I don't see that the pastures are any greener on the other side, but something deep down inside tells me that I will not remain here forever. This is not where I really belong. One day, I'll have to move - and I'm dreading it a little. Alot of dilemma too.

Last night, I couldn't help but 'weep a little weep' about it... Glad and thankful that Ben was around to witness the 'waterfall', listen to me pour my heart out and give a few suggestions. (That's what boyfriends are for, huh?:D) For now, I guess I'll just pray and see how God leads. A season is coming to an end I suppose... and now, it feels like winter.

Surprised...

Received a blessing from Aunty May Ling today. My heart is filled with alot of gratitude...

Wednesday

Today, we received 3 free books each from college (sponsored by a few different publications) - praise God for that!:) Good reads all of them. I guess I will have to wait til the hols to read those.

Anyway - It's weird I know... but I just found out that the guy sitting behind me in class this whole week, James, is not only the youth minister in Wesley Methodist Church Penang :P But also the cool keyboardist in their worship team who came over to serve at Trinity one Sunday (the weekend we were having our Worship Team Retreat at Jerejak) - the one who did the funky pipe-organ thingy. (Daniel K, you know who I'm talking about?:P) Today I told him about MLM at my church... and he totally surprised me when he said that he's been attending it too at my church (usually sits at the back of the class with his wife). Then he suddenly had a brainwave - and asked, "Hey, are you the one who usually plays piano for worship?"

Light dawned on us. *choral music playing* "Oh, so we have met before! No wonder you look familiar!"

Seminary is great huh. It makes the world seem much smaller to me than before I came here!

Thanks for prayers, people:)

Three and counting...

For the third time in 1.5 months, someone has asked me this: "Are you from China?"

Today, very weirdly, I was eating lunch in school when a girl from China came up to sit behind me. With a friendly smile, she asked me in Mandarin where I was from. With my unfluent Mandarin (which I have no doubt, would have led anyone to think that I am from anywhere but China), I asked her curiously, where did she think I was from. She answered, "You must be from China. Are you from Suzhou?"

I nearly choked on my rice. Did a double-take, then laughing (I'm pretty sure you guys must be pretty amused too:P), I told her that I am Malaysian - to which she was really surprised. I did ask her where Suzhou was - and she told me it is a popular tourist destination in China. I have a good mind to visit that place someday, and see if I look like any of the girls over there @_@ Oh well, anyway, it was good to make a new friend - Elizabeth :)

Btw, I honestly, honestly don't think I look like I came from China!

Had an extremely late night yesterday, thanks to my Bible Interpretation assignments which were due this morning. Had a nightmare in the night (felt like the whole dream was pretty depressing, evil and eerie), then this morning, I had a little emergency in the morning, resulting in me stepping into class 20 minutes late, just in time for the end of a quiz *SWEAT* - which I must have completed in 2 minutes or so (gosh, I wonder what grade I got for that! - thanks, Bro James for giving me paper to write on!). Phew! Anyway, thank God that I did get to do the the test. The rest of the day went quite well, although many of us were SO fatigued after our late night. Had a mission team meeting after classes in the evening - and Vanessa did a very relevant sharing on 1 Kings. We prayed together, and then I drove home half in a daze!

Currently, I'm sitting at home trying to relax:P Sipping coffee...and having a rest before I do my 2nd round of burning midnight oil. This is so not funny. Thursday, we have a worship practice for Tuesday chapel... I am the worship leader, and I haven't completed the song-sheets yet! But thank God, for the most co-operative musicians! In need of alot of God's strength and grace.

So blessed...

Today, Ben's parents delivered a small bag of apples and another small bag of fragrant, golden-brown, home-made fried cempedak (with Ben's mum's 'magic touches' to it - is that breadfruit in English?) to my place... :S

I felt like crying ler. *Touched* How thoughtful these dear people are! How kind the Lord is to me, to bring so much love through them. Unexpected gifts, hand-made with so much care.

You see, why I am not lacking in nutrition?:P God never fails to provide when we trust in Him.

I'm still wondering how to bless them back...may God reward them richly for feeding the 'hungry' :)

Monday

A lovely Monday. Had a very joy-filled weekend in the Lord.

We had combined CG on Saturday - Tairven's group and Ben's group... It was an amazing time of 'reunion', since we were originally from the same CG, before we multiplied. We had worship, bible-study, sharing and prayer... Then quality fellowship time - over ice-cream sundaes at Mc-donald's (way past midnight).

I'm currently sitting through a course in Youth Discipleship at school, and it is one amazing one! Alot of assignments - because it is an ultimately 3 credit-hours course...(FYI, 3 credit-hours does NOT mean 3 hours... we have classes from 8am to 4pm daily. It's just the amount of work we are assigned to do plus the number of hours we sit in class = 3 credit-hours!) but I'm loving it to the max, because discipleship is something I am really passionate about. Especially discipleship in students ministry. When Jesus gave us the Great Commission in Matt 28:18-20, He didn't talk much about evangelism... but more importantly, He told us to '..make disciples..." You can reach out to say a 100 people a year - but without discipleship and without discipled leaders to disciple these new believers, you may not be even left with any at the end of 5 years!

Reminds me of those days back in EN Dublin and Penang, when I worked alot with the students on campus.

Yvonne, a disciple I 'made' by God's grace - from our good ol' EN Dublin days, who is now 'making disciples'...Hehe. (No arrogance in saying that, because I know that God did all the work. I was just one of His tools for working in her life). I miss her. She's been also such a rock of encouragement and support to me back in those days I had Eating Disorders. So I guess God made it work both ways - between Yv and I. Woman of God, congrats on your graduation again... and keep up your good work for the Lord!

Pst. Ida (the lady on the right), one of my 'mothers in the Lord' - a beautiful and amazing woman of God, who discipled me and some other Christian women leaders back in EN Penang - before I came to Trinity... One of those whom I could really depend on to give wise and godly counsel. In the picture above, I was attempting to finish my assignments in Coffee Bean (needed some good coffee to keep me sane after quite some days of instant Nescafe), when she came to 'visit' me :D Was so touched!!! I love you, Ida!:)

And who came along with her? My juniors from college, who were graduating that week!:) Girls who've filled my life with joy back in PMC. Comrades back in our college Christian Fellowship. Really encouraged me in those days to see their love and desire for God.

Geez, I felt a little 'old' looking at that picture... My graduation seemed to be really long ago, although it has been just one year!

Back row, from left to right: Mei Ling, Shirley, Ai Jun, Karen, Yvonne, Jenny (Ida's daughter) and Pst. Ida.


An extremely busy week.

TGIF: Feet on necks...

TGIF again! Hehe.

Mission team meeting in school later on... but first I have to try and get some work done.

Going for a movie tonight too. 'Ice Age 3', here we come! :)

To leng lui Lydia, hope you feel better today, sis!:) You are one beautiful woman, kays... Never let anyone make you feel otherwise. Never let the Enemy tell you otherwise!

Word of God that I found absolutely breath-taking this week: Joshua 10:16-25 NIV (will summarize later. Added emphasis in italics mine):

'Now the five kings (enemies) had fled and hidden in the cave at Makkedah. When Joshua was told that the five kings had been found hiding in the cave at Makkedah, he said, "Roll large rocks up to the mouth of the cave, and post some men there to guard it. But don't stop! Pursue your enemies, attack them from the rear and don't let them reach their cities, for the LORD your God has given them into your hand."

So Joshua and the Israelites destroyed them completely—almost to a man—but the few who were left reached their fortified cities. The whole army then returned safely to Joshua in the camp at Makkedah, and no one uttered a word against the Israelites.

Joshua said, "Open the mouth of the cave and bring those five kings out to me." So they brought the five kings out of the cave—the kings of Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish and Eglon. When they had brought these kings to Joshua, he summoned all the men of Israel and said to the army commanders who had come with him, "Come here and put your feet on the necks of these kings." So they came forward and placed their feet on their necks.

Joshua said to them, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to fight." '

Basically, to summarise the story, the 5 Amorite Kings who had joined forces to attack Gibeon (who had made peace with Joshua and the Israelites) had been delivered into the hands of the Israelites by God's power and wisdom through Joshua. In verse 24, Joshua summons ALL the men of Israel and in their full view, tells his army commanders to put their feet on the necks of the defeated kings. Literally.

The right of putting the feet on the necks of the enemies in the ancient of days was actually right of the KING who had conquered them. But Joshua commanding mere army commanders to put their feet on the necks of their enemies? Giving them kingly authority over their enemies in the name of the Lord? (vs 25) That is surely a powerful fore-telling of Matthew 28:18-20 in the New Testament: "...Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

We are children of God. Our battles belong to the Lord. We are victorious in Him.

Therefore... to those who are fighting, to those who are struggling, to those who are miserable and defeated, to some of my friends battling eating disorders, etc... What Satan wants is our lives to remain broken, purposeless, timid, useless. He wants us to have no passion, no victory and no joy, thus we give no glory to God! John 10:10 says that he has come to 'steal, kill and destroy'!

But, God's plan = to reverse Satan's plan. Jesus came to give life and an abundant one too...

Don't give glory to the devil. Don't remain in our depressions so that we waste time and are not able to accomplish God's purposes. If you are down in the pit today, do not lose heart! Call out to the Lord. Remember that we are His children - and therefore, raise our battle flags! God's battle flag actually. Remember Psalm 91:13, 'You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.' Press on, steadfastly, keeping close to God. Do not give the devil a chance to tell you to '..fall prostrate that he may walk on you.' (Isaiah 51:23) Trample on his lies, rise up and shut them down with God's unfailing promises.

God will make us more than overcomers in His time.

I love what God said in Isaiah 7:9 - "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all."

OUR GOD REIGNS!

Working late tonight...

I finally finished preparing the Bible-study material for this week! Yippeez! Praise the Lord that He did answer my prayer for a relevant topic to share, and that all my thoughts got untangled at last (from last night) and are well crystalized now! Thanks to Ben as well... if he hadn't called me just now, I wouldn't have shared it all to him and discovered that I was quite ready to speak tomorrow!:) Thank God! Let's hope I don't get cold feet all of a sudden! May the joy of the Lord be my strength.

This would be good practice for the mission trip to Sandakan actually... coz I will need to conduct a workshop then. Plus, speak to the youths, share my testimony in one of the services... and be one of the translators @_@ (Haha, praise God it's not English to Cantonese/Hakka - but Bahasa Malaysia! *Relieved sigh*)

Really a nudge out of my comfort zone this time - haven't felt this gementar for quite a while - but I think it's great. I'm excited. I ought to be thankful my work isn't the most challenging - compared to some others :P But still, faith is being stretched in all directions... Never stopped stretching since I came to MBTS. Not to mention, all the 'pruning' and 'disciplining' that have been going on. But out of that, I'm slowly bearing some fruit by God's grace. And this is giving me loads of joy!~ Even if it's just say... um, 3 apples hanging in a big tree for now? :)

Alot more preparation to go... hopefully to come up with the final drafts of material by next week. *Suddenly remembers my undone assignments*. >_< I better try to finish at least one course's assignments this month. Need God's wisdom and strength.

~ Please keep me in prayer, friends and family ~

It may sound a little crazy, but I kinda enjoy being busy like this :D - doing the stuff I'm passionate about (even though I whine and complain sometimes *_* ~ ooops, sorry).

To Kevin, my team leader, you are doing a great job leading us and spreading to us your passion for this mission trip. Keep it up, bro!

Thursday

Had trouble sleeping last night... because my brain was in active mode OVERTIME - and refused to stop working, even after I had put down my work early and gotten into bed! @_@ Ideas kept coming in (was preparing to lead a Bible study), but they were kinda muddled up - and my brain chose to try to untangle the thoughts at such weird hours. Couldn't get it to stop *sigh*, even though I tried all kinds of techniques! Jia lat. So well, well, well... Guess what? I ended up falling asleep at 3am! Now, I'm having a headache from lack of sleep.

Missions team meeting at school today. I don't know why, but I look forward to the meetings all the time.

Spent the rest of the day reading Book of Isaiah, and trying to shop for some necessities.

Book of Isaiah. AMAZING.

You see, before this, I always read it in bits and pieces...usually more to the second half of the book, where everything's a little more 'comforting' to read :P But today, somehow I felt that the Lord was urging me to read the beginning half of the book. I did, and it practically gripped me to read about how God's people really fell, sinned and rebelled against God - which got them into captivity. Although God had to allow it, in order that His people would be purged - then He would be able to restore them by His grace and all would be reconciled to Him, my goodness! I thought...what a love story! I mean, can you imagine? God, who was angry and grieved that those He so loved would turn against Him like that again and again (and I tell you, He must have TRULY loved them to be so angry), still had mercy on them in the end and spoke words of comfort to His people.

Sobered me to think of that redeeming grace. Now, I understand even more, how significant God's faithfulness is to us. If He can be so unconditionally faithful to a People who kept betraying Him like that, what more those who earnestly cry out to Him in repentance and in need of mercy + grace? Today, I finally understand the weight of the words He spoke in Isaiah 40:27-31. If it was just for the well-behaved ones who willingly went through all kinds of suffering for His sake, then many of us would fall short of that reassurance. But the Lord also spoke it to His people who had forsaken Him and were going through all kinds of suffering as a consequence of their own sins - with no exceptions. Reading the Book of Isaiah, it has made me even more thankful for my salvation through Christ.

O God! Dare I sin against You knowing the price You paid? Forgive my inconsistencies, unfaithfulness and unbelief! How I need Your grace each day!

Will quote Isaiah 40:27-31 here:

"Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
'My way is hidden from the Lord'
my cause is disregarded by my God'?
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary.
they will walk and not be faint."

Wednesday night

Love Wednesday nights like these... Phantastisch!

1. Dinner with a loved one :)
2. MLM training at church - never fails to amaze me how timely are the teachings and how unfailingly God prepares our hearts for them.
3. Hot chocolate, night-cap and reflection before bed...

Going to school tomorrow. Mission team meeting.

Something to thank God for today ~ I used to own only 2 big towels, which was rather inconvenient. Never got to buying more, because I thought they were a waste of money :P (plus, I did not have a washing machine to wash so many at one go) even though I did need more towels... but today (as of this week), God has provided me with many more big and small towels, to use around the home, through the people who love me.

Can even bless people with these gifts ler... so to my friends, if you happen to want to pop by my home for a shower (when I'm home that is), you can be assured that I have towels for your use and convenience... :D Hehe. Not more than 2 at one go though, or you'll have to resort to using the small towels, which are nearly the size of hankies!

Grace points

I've gone back to reading the Book of Isaiah again recently. What a timely book! Can't help but marvel all the time at God's mercy and grace. Over and over again, the Israelites deserted Him even after He had delivered them out of captivity so many times... but God still had compassion to bring to them, through His prophet, Isaiah, a message of restoration and revival for the land. How awesome He is! What grace! How unfailing is His love ~ our God who sent His Son to redeem us from the wages of sin - death.

I am humbled especially when I read these verses:

"Forget the former things;
Do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
(Isaiah 43:18-19)

"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake,
and remembers your sins no more."
(Isaiah 43:25)

Grace. Sometimes I hear this being preached about, and it makes me wonder why my dad named me after it. Could it be a seed of God? Then it humbles me more than anything because I realize that I'm not one of the most gracious people ever.

I scorn. I struggle to forgive. I struggle not to be resentful. I lack compassion at times. I struggle to love. I need to be more gentle and slow to anger. I struggle not to be a control-freak. And when I do struggle, the Enemy taunts, "So you call yourself Grace?"

Well, I do.

Actually, I used to not like the name my dad gave me. When I was in school, I'd introduce myself by my Chinese name (which ironically means 'My name is Grace' btw). It was only after I had accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior during my final year in high school, did I start to go about with the name 'Grace'. It was funny. The first day I attended church (Cornerstone Baptist), our pastor's kids came up to make friends with the 'newbie' - and I was about to introduce myself like I always did - when I felt the Lord impress on my heart, "Your name is Grace."

To my amazement, the name stuck. And I was 'Grace' eversince. For a while, I still introduced myself this way, "My name is Meng Huey. But you can also call me Grace." No one remembered 'Meng Huey'. They stuck with 'Grace'. I then figured out that it would be easier for everyone to remember 'Grace', so I stuck with 'Grace'. (You can forget about the '-Melody' for the time being - or the story is going to get too complicated.)

Anyway, I guess I've never really talked much about this, but since many people have been sharing their testimonies of their calling in the MBTS Chapel recently, I too have started to recall the turning points in my life that led me to where I am today.

Let's just fast-forward to when I was in Dublin for my pre-clinical studies. I was still struggling with eating-disorders and then... in my second year, as many of you know, I sensed that God was calling me to a vocation not as a doctor in the field of medicine... but a full-time Christian vocation. Incidentally, my family was going through a financial crisis - and we went through a fiery time of trial financing my studies in Dublin. (I still don't know how my dad did it - but if it wasn't for God, we would have been very much worse off!)

This was where I got pretty confused myself. I thought - ok, perhaps this is God's way of calling me back to Malaysia and out of medical school! I started thinking of all kinds of less expensive courses I could move into from medicine. It is hilarious now when I think back of it - but it's amazing how God gleans all the useful remnants of even our most confused moments and humblest circumstances to help us learn more about the way He designed us and what He had designed us for!

I stumbled upon Darlene Zschech's message, 'What is the desire of your heart?" one night, in Spring 2004 - and a question at the very end totally changed my life. "What idea are you hesitant to speak out loud because it is so big and so daring?" I searched every corner of my heart and an idea did pop into my mind... but it was so big and daring that I shrivelled at the thought of it. I was afraid ~ but the Lord prompted me to keep on searching, which led me to Hillsong International Leadership College's website... It was there and then God breathed a dream into my heart to go to Bible College - sort of as a confirmation to the 'Big Idea'.

That was not the end. This happened in 2004. I went to my leaders at church to talk to them about 'the dream' (as my brother, Abishek, used to call it). To my surprise - my much looked-up-to worship leader, Mark, told me that he felt that I should continue where I am. Medical school. He felt that it was too soon for me to move.

My youth/student pastor, Pst. Mike, who had known all along that this day would come (he wasn't even surprised when I told him that I sensed God's call into full-time ministry - he only said, "I knew it!"), prayed and reassured me that if it is God's will that I finish medical school first, He would provide for me all the way and help me finish all the exams. (Which was exactly what He did.)

In summer the same year, a prophet came to preach at EN Dublin. I went up to him (hand-in-hand with a close sister, Cyn - coz we were both too shy) at the end of the service to be prayed for. He did. It was the very first time I had someone prophesy over me, and I was so amazed that the Lord had revealed my exact situation to him. I remember him telling me, "... but I sense hesitation... You are not sure which gift to develop for God, but He wants you to be faithful with what you are doing now. In the next season, He will show you what He has designed you to be." Fair enough. I decided to stay in med school till I graduated. Then Prophet Desmond Nigel continued, "....and your name is Grace. A fitting name for you, for God's grace has been abundant upon your life."

I will always remember that. Indeed my name is not about me... but it's all about Him. Him, whose grace is all-sufficient. Him ~ who pardoned, has mercy on my inadequacies and makes me adequate. Him, the Author and Perfecter of my life - who brought me from a most shameful and inglorious past to one of purpose and beauty. Jesus Christ, my Lord and my Savior. My all in all.

So yeah. My name is Grace.

I love You, Lord.

I am still recalling my life's turning points at the moment... because recently I realized how easy it is to be discouraged, the further I go. Sometimes, I even find myself wondering if God really did call me - and this is where all the recalling comes into good use :) I may not be always faithful, but my prayer is that God would always be faithful to hold me back and remind me - which He never fails to do.

God is an awesome God.

Writer's block...

Ok, I ain't proud of this... but I was way, way unproductive today! :( Lack of inspiration to go on with my work (had writer's block all right and wasn't feeling well), I was busy panicking over my lack of inspiration... and then I started getting stressed too. Calmed down towards the later part of the evening. Gonna call it a day, and restart my work tomorrow. Hopefully I don't fall behind the schedule. Wednesday is already beginning! Help!:P

Something funny: I just found out that my dad has a FB account... :P So I added him, and am currently awaiting his 'confirmation' that I am his 'friend'. Haha.

Gonna spend some time with the Lord then go zzz...

Tuesday

The haze in Penang is extremely bad. My nose can even detect the smoky scent of it, while I'm sitting indoors.

I will be returning to serving in the church choir for the 'Kuantan Wesley' ministry trip, after alot of hesitations and uncertainties due to my MBTS schedule, as well as our MLM training. Will be missing practices on the Wednesdays we have MLM (like tomorrow night) - although Angeline (our choir director) said that it would be all right. So yeah, I will be in Kuantan in September!:)

Someone said something today, that got me thinking... God is great. Life is abundant. But it's sometimes what happens in between that makes us forget. Therefore, I would like to give praise and thanks to God today, regardless, especially for:

1. Amazing friends, supportive family members and a forgiving boyfriend, who still loves and forgives me, even when I insensitively make him mad :S ~ Also those precious moments we can spend just having heart-to-heart talks.
   
2. The opportunities the Lord has provided me to use what I have to serve Him
3. A voice to sing and the ability to write to worship
4. All provisions
   
5. A car that takes me to places and the protection the Lord has covered me with on the roads, despite some near-accidents (almost fatal if they happened for real).
6. Blessed, beautiful times of laughter - which brighten up any gloomy day.
7. The ability to eat, enjoy my food and be truly grateful for it, which I still wasn't able to do a few years ago; the minute day-to-day improvements in my self-image even now, and being able to enjoy being who I am today.

I think I can kinda see where I am going to be after I am done with MBTS. But I'm keeping my mouth sealed for now - and praying that God has His way.

Last week in pictures...

Was trying to rush my assignments last week...Took alot of breaks in between...

A huge pear that took me ages to get through:P

Vitamins to boost my immune system...my health's a little messed up at the moment. (Again)

Sales, sales, sales everywhere... but I didn't get anything... since I'm on a tight budget :D

Had a crazy but good weekend.

Weekend Metrojaya Warehouse Sales at Pisa...It was crazy. We went twice. First time, just Ben and myself... Second time, with Ben's parents, who were as crazy about the sales as we were... Even it's sekadar kia-kia. They bought even more stuff than we did. (Well I didn't, but Ben did buy something...) ~ And I received an unexpected pressie too:) My very first bottle of Escada EDP!:) Love it! Thanks, Ben!

Alot of people...

Church on Sunday morning...

What I did after dinner on Sunday evening...PS II. (I know, I haven't changed out of my church out-fit yet, except for the shorts ~ wore jeans to church:P). Not very good at it, but it was fun. My characters kept losing to Ben's.*Not fair!!!!*

Went on a trip to Taiping on Monday, since Ben had a day-off, and I didn't have classes. More people were supposed to come, but later, they dropped out last minute as they had other stuff to do.

Drove there with the help of Ben's trusty (but sometimes confusing/confused) GPS...

We had lunch at Larut Matang foodcourt. Char kuey teow... Looks and tastes so different from the ones I usually eat in Penang or KL...

Hokkien mee... Ben says he prefers the one back in Penang...I have no comment, because I'm not a good judge of hokkien mee anyway.

Eat, eat, eat...

Yummy rojak...although the sour mangoes were REALLY SOUR!

Almost done with the eating :P

Had an interesting toilet-experience before we left the place... :P Aside from that, we bought really good beh teh sor and brown sugar biscuits from one of the stalls...

Walking around on the streets of Taiping town...A very peaceful town.

At the Taiping Museum...

Inside the museum...

At the War Cemetery... where all the pahlawan-pahlawan yang terbunuh semasa peperangan were buried...

We went up Maxwell Hill on a jeep.. It was a tormenting, killer ride. The roads were steep and narrow, not to mention bumpy too. Ben and I promised ourselves that we will never go up there again for some time. Pic above: The top station... *PHEW!!!*

Climbing the steep slopes... Somewhat like those at MBTS...

Smiling despite the nausea... Soon after that, it was time for us to take the jeep down the hill again. @_@ *Sweats* Thus began a second round of torment...

Upon touching down at the base, we scrambled to a nearby Malay shop to drink hot milo...to settle our unsettled stomachs...

Nearly pengsan-ed ady...

Our next stop: TAIPING ZOO. My favourite animals first on the list! The elephants!!!:) ~ They rawk!!!

Rhinos...

Seladang. I don't know what you call this in English.. but it's a gigantic looking buffalo... with horns that look dangerous:P But nevertheless, a beautiful seladang.

Girraffes...placidly eating leaves (grassy looking ones) from the tree...

Ostrich - coming closer to say Hallo!:)

The Orang Utan, doing his 'poses' for his admiring audience to capture on photographs!

The deer were tame enough for Ben to feed grass and even pat their heads!:)

Bearded pigs...Honestly they looked like a cross between the Terrier and a pig. With the beard, a very uncle-ish version of your regular pig.

The bear was adorable and friendly... I just feel very kesian for him and his partner, having to live in the 'pen' for the rest of his life... This applies to other animals as well...

This is the famous Taiping Lake in the Lake Gardens... we had initially intended to just go and look-see, but guess what we ended up doing?

Well, not swimming... but we took turns to paddle and manouevre the boat around the huge lake...:P Hehe. *Huff, puff!!!* It was really fun and therapeutic.

Loved the trees and greens...

Our lake-swan...:)

Some of the cute paddle-boats lined up in a row...

We arrived back in Penang at 10pm at night. Exhausted but very thankful for the good weather, good traffic flow, etc. Thank You, God for a blessed trip.

On the whole, our Taiping trip was amazing. Even though I wish our friends could have come along :)

What I liked about the trip: It was very relaxed. No set itineraries, no formalities... we drove around alot, and stopped wherever looked interesting. Tried out the local food and delicacies too. I definitely like Taiping's beh teh sor more than Ipoh's or Penang's.

What I disliked about the trip: The killer, nausea-inducing journey up Maxwell Hill (Bukit Larut)... :S Never, never again...

On a separate note, my house has been smelling strangely like the hospital in the past few days, after Friday's cleaning spree... I suppose you'd think I'm nuts... but, hey... me likey!:) (I'm quite a sucker for sterilization, hand sanitizers, hand washing, anti-bacterial detergents and things like that...I know, I almost sound like I have OCD ~*Grins* ~ but thankfully, some 'hospital habits' are slowly disappearing, and I'm well on my way to becoming a more 'normal' person.)