Grace points

I've gone back to reading the Book of Isaiah again recently. What a timely book! Can't help but marvel all the time at God's mercy and grace. Over and over again, the Israelites deserted Him even after He had delivered them out of captivity so many times... but God still had compassion to bring to them, through His prophet, Isaiah, a message of restoration and revival for the land. How awesome He is! What grace! How unfailing is His love ~ our God who sent His Son to redeem us from the wages of sin - death.

I am humbled especially when I read these verses:

"Forget the former things;
Do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
(Isaiah 43:18-19)

"I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake,
and remembers your sins no more."
(Isaiah 43:25)

Grace. Sometimes I hear this being preached about, and it makes me wonder why my dad named me after it. Could it be a seed of God? Then it humbles me more than anything because I realize that I'm not one of the most gracious people ever.

I scorn. I struggle to forgive. I struggle not to be resentful. I lack compassion at times. I struggle to love. I need to be more gentle and slow to anger. I struggle not to be a control-freak. And when I do struggle, the Enemy taunts, "So you call yourself Grace?"

Well, I do.

Actually, I used to not like the name my dad gave me. When I was in school, I'd introduce myself by my Chinese name (which ironically means 'My name is Grace' btw). It was only after I had accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior during my final year in high school, did I start to go about with the name 'Grace'. It was funny. The first day I attended church (Cornerstone Baptist), our pastor's kids came up to make friends with the 'newbie' - and I was about to introduce myself like I always did - when I felt the Lord impress on my heart, "Your name is Grace."

To my amazement, the name stuck. And I was 'Grace' eversince. For a while, I still introduced myself this way, "My name is Meng Huey. But you can also call me Grace." No one remembered 'Meng Huey'. They stuck with 'Grace'. I then figured out that it would be easier for everyone to remember 'Grace', so I stuck with 'Grace'. (You can forget about the '-Melody' for the time being - or the story is going to get too complicated.)

Anyway, I guess I've never really talked much about this, but since many people have been sharing their testimonies of their calling in the MBTS Chapel recently, I too have started to recall the turning points in my life that led me to where I am today.

Let's just fast-forward to when I was in Dublin for my pre-clinical studies. I was still struggling with eating-disorders and then... in my second year, as many of you know, I sensed that God was calling me to a vocation not as a doctor in the field of medicine... but a full-time Christian vocation. Incidentally, my family was going through a financial crisis - and we went through a fiery time of trial financing my studies in Dublin. (I still don't know how my dad did it - but if it wasn't for God, we would have been very much worse off!)

This was where I got pretty confused myself. I thought - ok, perhaps this is God's way of calling me back to Malaysia and out of medical school! I started thinking of all kinds of less expensive courses I could move into from medicine. It is hilarious now when I think back of it - but it's amazing how God gleans all the useful remnants of even our most confused moments and humblest circumstances to help us learn more about the way He designed us and what He had designed us for!

I stumbled upon Darlene Zschech's message, 'What is the desire of your heart?" one night, in Spring 2004 - and a question at the very end totally changed my life. "What idea are you hesitant to speak out loud because it is so big and so daring?" I searched every corner of my heart and an idea did pop into my mind... but it was so big and daring that I shrivelled at the thought of it. I was afraid ~ but the Lord prompted me to keep on searching, which led me to Hillsong International Leadership College's website... It was there and then God breathed a dream into my heart to go to Bible College - sort of as a confirmation to the 'Big Idea'.

That was not the end. This happened in 2004. I went to my leaders at church to talk to them about 'the dream' (as my brother, Abishek, used to call it). To my surprise - my much looked-up-to worship leader, Mark, told me that he felt that I should continue where I am. Medical school. He felt that it was too soon for me to move.

My youth/student pastor, Pst. Mike, who had known all along that this day would come (he wasn't even surprised when I told him that I sensed God's call into full-time ministry - he only said, "I knew it!"), prayed and reassured me that if it is God's will that I finish medical school first, He would provide for me all the way and help me finish all the exams. (Which was exactly what He did.)

In summer the same year, a prophet came to preach at EN Dublin. I went up to him (hand-in-hand with a close sister, Cyn - coz we were both too shy) at the end of the service to be prayed for. He did. It was the very first time I had someone prophesy over me, and I was so amazed that the Lord had revealed my exact situation to him. I remember him telling me, "... but I sense hesitation... You are not sure which gift to develop for God, but He wants you to be faithful with what you are doing now. In the next season, He will show you what He has designed you to be." Fair enough. I decided to stay in med school till I graduated. Then Prophet Desmond Nigel continued, "....and your name is Grace. A fitting name for you, for God's grace has been abundant upon your life."

I will always remember that. Indeed my name is not about me... but it's all about Him. Him, whose grace is all-sufficient. Him ~ who pardoned, has mercy on my inadequacies and makes me adequate. Him, the Author and Perfecter of my life - who brought me from a most shameful and inglorious past to one of purpose and beauty. Jesus Christ, my Lord and my Savior. My all in all.

So yeah. My name is Grace.

I love You, Lord.

I am still recalling my life's turning points at the moment... because recently I realized how easy it is to be discouraged, the further I go. Sometimes, I even find myself wondering if God really did call me - and this is where all the recalling comes into good use :) I may not be always faithful, but my prayer is that God would always be faithful to hold me back and remind me - which He never fails to do.

God is an awesome God.