Wednesday

Today, I had a morning of firsts...

It was the first time I've met up with my cousin (SH) and cousin brother-in-law for breakfast anywhere outside KL. We went to my favourite Mc-donald's fast-food joint along Greenlane (which is right opposite my church. Reminds me of Tailo too, since we used to spend many nights in Mc-donald's drinking caffeinated drinks and studying for POPGP final exams). It was my first time stepping into that place since they renovated it. I ordered my first Sausage Mc-muffin in ages. Hehe.

We sat around and chit-chatted for one whole hour...and then since they still had to wait for their car to be done (sent it for servicing), I drove them back to my house. Hehe, there you go... the very first visitors (other than Ben) to my humble abode in the 7 months I've lived under this roof! I guess they enjoyed exploring my 'cave' too. For the first time, I discovered that 2 cups in the house ain't enough when you've got guests! We sat in the living room chit-chatting again, then I drove them to the car-servicing centre... and we parted ways after that.

It was a great meet-up, I felt. God confirmed some things through SH's wise counsel, which I've been contemplating and questioning in my heart for the whole of last week. CBIL, who's ahead of me by a year in M.Div, shared his ups and downs of being a student at STM. It was really good preparation for me - I'm sure our meet-up today was indeed a divine appointment arranged by the hand of God! After comparing our syllabuses (the structure varies quite a bit, in between STM and MBTS), our course fees and etcetera, I truly rejoiced because I now know why God led me to MBTS and not to STM. Don't get me wrong! I'm NOT saying that one seminary is better than the other! It's just that, God had His reasons to put me here - and while I don't fully understand His purposes still, I'm finally starting to see light. Oh yeah. Indeed, God's will is not only wise, but it is kind too!

Extremely kind. I felt really forgiven for doubting Him so much...and umm, being 'rebellious' in so many ways, at times.

Indeed, His grace is HARD to understand.

We cannot understand why God chooses to still love and forgive us, lead us, provide for us, and direct our paths, when the one thing we find so difficult to do (in our sinful nature) is to obey Him and not sin... On top of that, the Father sent His Son to die in our place. To take upon Himself the judgement and deathly punishment we so rightfully deserve. The Bible says in John 3:16 - "...that whoever believes Him should not perish, but everlasting life." Whoever (whether you are rich or poor, learned or not learned, etc) accepts by faith the gracious gift of Salvation of which Jesus is Lord... will live.

Live. I don't know about you, but that sure sounds like fresh spring water to a parched soul. How many of us know what it is really like to live? Liberated, forgiven, accepted, reconciled, revived. To work in the most dreaded job, and yet rejoice. To be ill-treated, and yet have peace. To be persecuted, and yet be thankful. To be sad, and yet have hope. To have nothing, and yet be rich?

We're not just talking about forgiven sinners being able to enter Heaven, presented blameless before the King of kings, Lord of lords - when our physical finally dies. Eternal life doesn't only start there. We're also talking about living a life of abundance while we're alive in our bodies - on this side of eternity, that He enabled us to live, through the Great Redemption. (John 10:10) This, in no way implies the worldly concept of 'abundance' - a pain-free life, in which you eat off silver-platters, drive the most expensive cars, own luxurious houses, etc. We'll still have our problems, our distresses, our struggles, our illnesses, etc.

But...

What are all those worldly treasures compared to the assurance of believing in a God who owns the whole world (He made the universe after all!!!) and calls us His beloved children? Of knowing that He made you for a divine purpose and thus, calls you to a unique destiny through the fulfilling of His calling? The joy of living a life of purpose? The victory of knowing that we are more than overcomers in everything because Jesus conquered all principalities and powers through His death? The strength that comes from even knowing that the power that parted the Red Seas now dwells in us? The relief of knowing that we are loved and accepted, despite our sins and weaknesses by such a holy God? Of knowing that we've been forgiven of all our sins? The comfort of knowing that we are able to love and forgive, as God first loved and forgave us? The excitement of returning to an eternal Home to spend eternity with our Creator?

Grace. Like I said... is hard to understand.

But you know what they say? "We only can believe when we understand." I learnt today at MLM that we can only understand when we believe. If we can only believe when we understand, then there's no need for faith, is there?

I suppose heaven would be only filled with the world's top intellectuals then.

Chew on that.

To those who've been praying for me, thanks so much. I've finally made my decisions - and am perfectly at peace. God has been very faithful. Will share more about this much, much later along my journey through M.Div, when more things are settled.

Just came back from MLM class at church. Wondering if I should make myself a fruit-salad...