Adapting to Penang again...

This week - I've got to begin on yet another batch of assignments... and reorganize my life...

Been a little sappy and melancholy for the past few days - I think it gets to me each time I have to adapt myself to new surroundings. I was extremely depressed when I first arrived in Sandakan on 20th of August *sobs*...but I slowly cheered up by the 2nd day. (Must be due to the good food, nice people and the peaceful environment - it's definitely so much laidback there, compared to in Penang.) Now that mission trip is over - I have to re-adapt myself to Penang. What with everybody speaking Hokkien everywhere (compared to Cantonese and Hakka in Sandakan), the pace is much faster, the drivers much more impatient, etc... it has been uberly challenging (plus I was sick), but today... I finally feel better and more like myself... *grins*

It's a little like jet-lag, except it has got nothing to do with time-zone differences!

I can see that I'm not very good at being a missionary... :P LOL. Bad at adapting to new surroundings, dislikes 'natural' toilets shared by creepy crawlies, hates mozzies with a passion, etc. The only more favourable things about me - I eat and drink almost anything coz I'm kinda tam chiak, I have a stomach of steel (almost) and I love people.

Oh well... I guess... if God calls, He will let the joy derived from doing His work make up for my discomfort!

Weekend pictures...

Some weekend pictures...Arriving back in Penang from mission trip on Friday night...

Went to see the doctor on Saturday...

Had lunch before going to the doctor's. Ben was so hungry that he ate the plate:P

Waiting outside the doctor's room...

Long, nerve-wrecking wait...

In the examination room while the doctor wasn't around...

Went for the Combined High Praise (Penang inter-church prayer meeting for churches, state and country) on Sunday night. It was held at the Charismatic Church of Penang...A very powerful time of intercession indeed.



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National Day Public Holiday. Ben and I took a trip down to AutoCity for lunch...

Waiting for food to arrive...

Ebiko chicken (teppanyaki) rice - it was really good.

Curry baked cheese rice - I didn't like it as much as the Ebiko rice...

HK fragrant Egg-rolls topped with ice-cream

Chocolate ice-cream topped with 4 different kinds of nuts...

Yummy...

Hey, but I think your ice-cream looks nicer...

Saturday

Today was one of those days when I didn't feel well. Actually I've not been feeling ok since the last week - but I only managed to see the doctor today.

Went to the doctor's for a check-up after lunch at Pulau Tikus... and returned home with pills, food supplements and bitter-ish liquid of which I will be swallowing 2 teaspoonfuls 3 times a day. Hm, interesting... @_@

I also stopped by the Baptist Bookshop and bought an Israel Naughton's CD somewhere in between lunch and the doctor's - managed to cheer me up loads.

Spent the rest of the day nauseous (I already had a headache on the way back home from the doctor's), lounging in bed and watching a movie on the PC. I'm not sure if I feel nauseous because of the medicines or what. Felt a little better after dinner. But stomach's acting up really funny again now.

Had CG tonight.

Will talk more about mission trip in my subsequent posts. Need an early night today...

Back from mission trip...

East Malaysia's famous and yummy Talab fruit...

Youth service in SBC on Sunday

Girl-talk with the youth (girls)...

Me and Jacklyn :)

Kampung Paris, Lahad Datu...

I have too many pictures to show and tell... If you want to see everything, please go to my Facebook photoalbum...

Safe and sound...back in KL.

A little on the full side, even though it's already 3.10am (yeah, I'm doing a big batch of laundry before returning to Penang tomorrow...or, later today actually!) - thanks to Kevin's dessert-eating trip. @_@

If you are wondering what that's all about....

Today, the rest of the team went back on an earlier flight - I was left behind in Sandakan till the evening. At first, I was panicking a little - because I had no idea what I'd be doing for the rest of the day... but I guess God made all things work together for good. Joined the youths at SBC for their worship practice, had lunch with them... then Kevin brought Joshua (one of the youth) and I around Sandakan for dessert at his time-tested dessert hot-spots. Traditional and contemporary! You know girls always say that there is a special compartment in their stomachs reserved for that... yeah, mine was filled to the brim... and beyond :P What with Kevin's persistent "Wait.... I know what to bring you to try...." I spent the whole afternoon today eating. Eating. Eating. Eating....

In the end we were 3 very over-stuffed people with bloated tummies, lolling around on the couches of Jesselton Cafe, gawking uneasily at the unfinished cheesy cheese cake and carrot cheese cake...*burrrrp* Well, actually 4... because Louis (another brother) joined us. We were so full that we didn't manage to eat dinner, which was just as well. (I would have puked out all the dessert for the afternoon!) I thought it was very sweet to have my brothers-in-Christ to sit with me and entertain me the whole afternoon with their hilarious, belly-aching humorous stories, till it was time for me to go to the airport. Thought I'd be going online alone in a cafe the whole afternoon...

From left to right: Louis, me, Joshua, Kevin

(Note: Someone boldly hinted to me today, that I should stop it with the grandma, geeky glasses already...:P ~ umm, I totally agree wor, but I'm actually very lazy to put on my contact lenses nowadays...)

So people back in Penang, don't be surprised if I come back from a mission trip looking a little rounder than I should be...:P I promise you, I worked hard...and stayed in an ulu kampung too. But I just got very well-fed in the past 2 days...

It has been an awesome time of witnessing God's work and glory amongst His people in a foreign land I've grown to love, after spending a whole week in it. I was surely tired and all - under the weather and sick too; but more than anything I feel refreshed. It has been very satisfying to engage all body, mind, soul and strength into serving the Lord (even some things were definitely alot less than pleasant! Eeeeks)... Sometimes I used to wonder why the Lord placed me in this team - I felt a little out-of-place in the beginning, because I was one of the latest people to join the team...but as His plans unfolded in the past week or so, they were all sweet revelations to me... Such a assuring reminder to me to know that He holds my life tightly in the palm of His hand. There were things which I've never imagined myself doing in the past - but the Lord somehow brought them to pass. Things I've never thought I'd achieved, but He made them all possible by His grace and strength. Boldness I never knew I had, but He made me confident. Things I've learnt that I can never have learned if I had tried on my own. I can't fathom it all...

Spent the 2.5 hours on my flight home with my eyes tightly shut, thinking of the flurry of events that have taken place in the past week, remembering the faces of people, remembering what people have said, those hands I've touched, the ministry work God has adequately done through our inadequacies, what I've rediscovered about myself (I've kinda lost myself a lil' in the past year or so), etc...

What a beautiful, blessed mission-trip!!!

Bus-ride back to Penang tomorrow (or today:P)...

Going off soon...

All packed and set to go. Will be having lunch with Ben and my pastor...then Ben will send me off :) Look forward to see my family in KL - even if it's for just a night. Then tomorrow morning, I will be in Sabah. Me and my 4 bags :P (excess baggage already - tried to remove some stuff but it didn't work...)

Will try to blog whenever I can - doubt that I'll be blogging that much... If I don't, I'll be definitely back to Penang on the 28th August!

Thanks for prayers and well-wishes, buddies.

Lotsa love.

Packing...and packing....

90% packed. And yikes, I ended up with 4 bags. No kidding!

Bag no. 1 = clothes for more than a week *sweat* (it was very hard work to select the clothes to bring, ok!) + towel

Bag no. 2 = my personal first-aid and emergency kit with the usual stand-by medicines, heels (can't be wearing slippers in church, hey...), mosquito repellent (v.v.important!) I'm mozzy bites prone...), toiletries bag (v.v.v.important!!), make-up pack @_@, a pack of wet-wipes, and other miscellaneous items that couldn't fit into Bag no. 1. LOL.

Kevin T. called me last night to check on me - and he reminded me, "Sandakan is not that ulu, ok! It's like Kampar...perhaps a bit bigger..." Therefore, I purposely neglected packing some things I can buy when I go there - especially stuff for the 2nd half of the trip when we won't be in Sandakan, but the outskirts of Lahad Datu, sort of.

Bag no. 3 = laptop bag and stationery

Bag no. 4 = my usual slung-on-one-shoulder bag for water bottle, books, important personal docs, lip balm, tissues and hand sanitizer...

I don't know why but I feel so vain somehow. Perhaps it is because I thought 2 bags would have sufficed...before I started packing. Now, I have 'over-exceeded' my own limit! (I'm bringing even more bags than I would on a holiday!) But Bag no. 1 cannot be expanded further, Bag no. 2 is a must, and so are Bags no. 3 and 4 :P The good news is that I restrained myself from bringing a small hand-bag!:D Hehe.

Tuesday randomzzz...

Today, I realized that I forgot to buy a few personal items for the MT... so I had to go shopping again :(

You know how some shop assistants are over-enthusiastic - they keep approaching you to introduce you the 'special promotions' in the shop although the promotions are clearly displayed on tags and signs, follow you around the store and whenever you get your hands on something, they persuade you to try it on, although you are just checking it out randomly. I honestly think personal assistance is great - but only when needed and requested. I understand that these people are doing their job...but they disrupt my peace and quiet while I shop. Often I get distracted and either end up buying something that I don't need or FORGET to buy the very things I need. I found the perfect tactic to keep them away today. Practically paraded the shopping centre with a face-mask on the whole afternoon - to protect myself from H1N1 virus. Not only did this keep the shop assistants away. (They came forward as they always do...then when they saw the mask covering my nose and mouth, they'd stop short and smile nervously at me from afar...As you can imagine, I was overjoyed! :P) It also made the other shoppers very cautious - and they would keep away too.

Sorry people. I'm not infectious... but I really needed my own space today!

Pictures from the cake haven...

Taken on Sunday...after our tummies were not only full from the yummy anniversary lunch at church... but also filled to the brim with cake and coffee....*uuurrrrk*

Above, From left to right: Wei Nin, Louise, Mell, Susan, me, BenAgain... "Say Cake and coffeeeee......." (sorry for the lameness)

We obviously saved some space in our stomachs for cake... polished up all the cake, almost to the last crumb... (I loved my New York cheese cake...super-duper yummy!)

What a lovely afternoon at Secret Recipe. Sort of a belated birthday celebration for Louise...and a 2nd farewell 'party' for Mell before she leaves for missions tomorrow. We won't be seeing her for 2 long years! *sobs*

Being contented with the little things...

Staying still in God. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Asleep in His will.

I always believe there's always a reason for things to happen the way they do... because God is a God of purpose!

Last evening, Ben received 2 free movie-tickets from his colleague out of the blue! And he invited me out for a movie after work. We were to watch 'The Taking of Pelham, 123'. I was of course as pleasantly surprised as he was. What a blessing!

We went to Queensbay Mall's GSC after having dinner at Ben's place (his mum doted on us with a home-cooked meal :D). Since we didn't have anything to do for that short hour before the movie started, we walked around the mall window-shopping (no worries, Pig. I didn't enter F21) and licking cones from the ice-cream parlour on LG floor.

I bought MossyGuard from the pharmacy (in anticipation of gigantic, blood-sucking winged creatures from the jungles of East Malaysia). Then since I had run out of cash-on-hand, I went to the ATM machine on that same floor to draw money.

This was when we bumped into Danesh near Jaya Jusco, which reminded me to keep him in prayer.

After that, Ben and I randomly decided to visit Borders, where they had one of songs he likes playing! Because of that, we wandered to the music section of Borders to look for the album. Right across from the music section was the children books section. Ben happened to look in that direction - and he spotted 2 dear friends we've not seen in a while. Subsequently, he was able to approach them in person (he's often wanted to do that, but didn't have much opportunities to do so), and encourage them. It was also good to have seen them after such a long while. Praise God!:)

Felt that God didn't only bless us... :) He arranged divine appointments (as coincidental as they seemed!) so that He could do His work in the lives of others too. Awesomeness!!!

Today, I felt troubled that I've got so many needs, and yet, so little resources. But a dear sister, Sau Chan, forwarded me a video today, which made me cry. Not only I was touched by the moving dance and the 2 imperfect people who danced it. But I felt that the Lord had heard my prayers just this morning, and had given His assurance and grace.

Indeed when we give the little things we have to the Lord, He takes them and works the most beautiful things out of them, according to His perfect will. I know He has already given me many things to be thankful and contented about... I at least have both arms and both legs, which enable me to do alot of things on my own. I can dance, jump, run, drive and work with my hands when many can't. I have seen many of these myself, back in those days when I roamed the Orthopaedic Wards of PGH. I've got to be contented.

God, thank You for everything. Most of all, thank You for Your unfailing love. I love You.

Here is the story to go with the video (hope it plays):

In a Chinese modern dance competition on TV one very unique couple won one of the top prizes. The lady, in her 30's, was a dancer who had trained since she was a little girl. Later in life, she lost her entire left arm in an accident and fell into a state of depression for a few years.

Someone then asked her to coach a Children's dancing group. From that point on, she realized that she could not forget dancing. She still loved to dance and wanted to dance again. So, she started to do some of her old routines, but, having lost her arm, she had also lost her balance.

It took a while before she could even make simple turns and spins without falling. Then she heard of a man in his 20s who had lost a leg in an accident. He had also fallen into the usual denial, depression and anger type of emotional roller coaster. But, she was determined to find him and persuade him to dance with her. He had never danced, and to dance with one leg....are you joking with me?? "No way!" he said.

But, she didn't give up, and he reluctantly agreed thinking, "I have nothing else to do anyway." She started to teach him dancing. The two broke up a few times because he had no concept of using muscle, how to control his body, and knew none of the basic things about dancing. When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out. Eventually, they came back together and started training seriously.

They hired a choreographer to design routines for them. She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air. He could bend horizontally supported by one leg with her leaning on him, etc.

In the competition, as you will see, they dance beautifully ~ and they legitimately won the competition.

Monday

Going back to KL this Wednesday. Flying to Sabah the very next morning. I am feeling excited, even though I'm not done with my work and packing :P. May the joy of the Lord keep my heart at perfect rest.

Having said that, I can't help but look forward to the end of this mission trip, when I can finally take a short break, before the new term in MBTS starts :P And perhaps start on my 3-credit Discipleship in Youth assignments. *nervous laughter*

Had a strange dream of a tree last night. I could see the roots taking up nutrients from the ground... then the nutrients moving from the trunk into the branches. Green leaves were sprouting from those branches. Was watching this scene with curious wonder. I'm sure there must have been more to the dream (I remember alot of other random stuff happening, though the details are fading away from my memory... but I only remember the vision of this tree clearly.)

Realize that my blog entries have been rather boring lately... I keep mentioning work too!:P Hehe, sorry people. But I've gotta be real on my own blog, right. More reflections when I'm a little free-er.

To Rachel: Glad that we managed to catch one another online today... even if it was just for a few minutes. All the best for your Pedagogy exams! :) May you keep filling the lives of others with godly inspiration, music and laughter! Love you, sis.

To Pig: Thanks for the Super-Pig Rescue, dear. Hehe... you managed to rescue me from 'insane-ness', at least.

Sunday - blessed 52nd anniversary, Trinity!

Had coffee and cake with Mell, Louise, Wei Nin, Susan and Ben after church today - at E-Gate, just to chill. It was a pretty random thingy - we just wanted to spend time with one another. I'm left with a headache, but the marvellous satisfaction of having hung out with dear friends!:) ~ I had a generous slice of one of my favourite cheese-cakes from Secret Recipe... New York Cheese :P - and the heavenly taste is still lingering somewhere in my senses. Haven't eaten this for a long time - can't even remember the last time I sat in Secret Recipe for cake. Probably, when Lucas and Esther were still around.... Hm.

Pig was telling me today about the sales in Forever 21 - and although I warned her to keep away from F21, (remembering what happened the last time we went in there together :P - it was really funny ok. I remember spending a long time at the changing rooms...) I feel so attracted to that place... *Big sigh* My pocket's pretty empty now - I'm so done with this month's quota - couldn't help going a little beyond, because I had to buy stuff for mission trip, so it would be pretty painful to even window-shop there. Haha! Pig, stop telling me wonderful stories like that please... :P But geez, I want to hear them. I really do! LOLx.

Observing Sabbath today, so I am not doing any work.. Will start again tomorrow.

Thanksgiving

Spent the whole day working on translations... English to Malay. Grrr. I still have loads of work to do, and I have yet to finish writing out my own testimony in solid Malay!:D Haha. Thanks for prayers, dear people.

Just returned home from a church renewal service. Rev. Chew Tow Yow's sermon was really challenging. I liked it because it was real good 'meat' and like Ben said, it makes one think. Before the service, my CG members and I went for a quick bite at Super Tanker. After service was over, Mell, Louise, Wei Nin, Pauline, Kok Loon, Ben and I went to a mamak stall for supper :) I had iced-milo (as usual) and roti canai - which left me full and satisfied. (I've been eating alot today...but I thought that it wouldn't do me much harm to fatten up a little before I exit my comfort zone, for mission-trip next week - hehe...*Sheepish laughter* --> Excuzies-schmuzies...) It was fun! We stayed there and chit-chatted a while before parting ways for home.

Funny but true - I haven't gained any weight these few weeks of not exercising much (the most I do is 30 minutes of dancing in front of the mirror, 2 times a week) and eating proper meals with light snacks in between to curb gastritis. LOLx. I finally feel normal after years and years of fluctuating weight. This year, my weight's been pretty stable. Never any weight-gain beyond 1kg from my current weight - unless I have water retention, and no drops either. I've been maintaining my weight at this exact point - which makes my BMI 20. Praise God for healing to my body that everything is starting to function properly, since everything went down-hill in year 2000.

Tomorrow's our Church anniversary thanksgiving Sunday service. I'm looking forward to the celebration of yet another year of God's faithfulness at Trinity. We are by no means a perfect church (no church is btw - not until the 2nd coming of Christ!:D), but I feel that God did transform many areas we would never have smoothened out on our own. Praise Him indeed. May He continue to strengthen the fellowship of our church family and do His work in this place:)

TGIF!!!:)

Phew...Thank goodness it's Friday!

It has not been really a productive day. I have been in a weekend-mood, after all the work this week.

Trying to pack for mission-trip...which has been quite tough. The toughest part was not the ironing...but rather, picking my outfits for the entire 8 days and more! :S It's not like I am trying to look glam - but I realize that many of my clothes are either not mission-trip friendly or not 'conservative' enough:P (conservative enough to me la - it's not like bikini and I hardly wear tube-tops out without anything else over it, haha. Spaghetti tops are the furthest I'd go - and I don't even wear them out that often), but I'm not sure if it's considered 'menjolok mata' to the people in the place I'm going to... Therefore, I've been combing out my wardrobe for t-shirts, blouses, and etc since last night. Tired already.

Then I am also torn between travelling light and bringing over my skin-care routine products (skin-care is important, ok! It just needs to be propper and not necessarily extravagant). Since it is hurting my head to think of alternatives, hehe... I will leave this for next week!:D

One fond memory...

This picture was taken more than a year ago... when I was busy preparing for my med&surg finals and I had no time to even pack my clothes properly into the wardrobe... Everything was just thrown in higgledy-piggledy without being folded! Wardrobe was in a disastrous mess (it honestly looked like I bombed it - could have buried an animal underneath all)... and when Ben opened it one day when he came to visit me (I can't remember why he had to open it), clothes rained down profusely like sand from a disintegrating sandcastle when someone kicks it! *Gulp*

I, with my wild imagination, was not only ashamed (*sob,sob*) and horrified that he had seen World War I and II in my wardrobe... but also terrified that he would leave me for being such a slob. But thankfully he didn't. The next time he came (oh yeah, he came back!:D), he brought along a portable ironing board (I'm not sure what my housemates thought about that!), sat down without a word in front of my wardrobe (you can see its wooden door in the picture above) on the dusty floor, and proceeded to iron my clothes diligently - while I was studying away. Or more like, tried to study - I was so touched *sobs again* and paiseh -because it was a massive pile of clothes indeed! In fact, he did a much better job ironing that I would have done myself! (If you think I'm a sucker for neatness, I think Ben is 10 times neater than I am.)

In short, I had very nicely pressed clothes to wear to school the many days that followed (felt like they were so bathed in love)... and because I was so ashamed of myself, I made sure I at least folded the clean laundry and packed them neatly into my wardrobe after that...

Note: Ok I hope Ben does not read this post... and see the pictures... because he is going to be very traumatized... but I really love what he did... and I did feel very loved indeed!:)

Having said all that, I am really not that untidy! :D Haha. It was just the med&surg finals. I love cleaning. I assure you, my house is tidy now (except for my study desk - I am never good at keeping my work-station neat.. I love to throw books and papers around, and I hate putting away my stationeries when I am still not finished with them - In that case, I am kinda never finished with them!:D). Sure, it gets a bit dusty at times, when I am rushing assignments... but I make sure I clean it properly after that because I'm allergic to dust (-mites) - they give me rhinitis, allergic conjunctivitis, eczema and asthma... and I hate seeing hair on the floors of my house! Eeeeeks.

Nevertheless, I was very surprised and glad that during our MPC class a few months back, when we were supposed to discuss who does what when we are married (eg. deal with the cars, housework, cooking, planning for hols, grocery-shopping, admin, etc), and we came to the part of "Who will do the housework", I put down my answer as "Me"- but Ben put down his answer as "Both of us"! *phew*

Thursday afternoon teatime blog entry...

Mission team meeting today went well, praise the Lord. There seemed to be more team spirit than we've ever had in the past few weeks! :P LOLx. Everyone was present and there was much desire in our hearts to prepare ourselves well for God's work amongst His people next week. This will be probably the last time we meet up before we go to Sabah next week.

My progress in the preparations for leading the workshop next Saturday is slow but steady. Thank God for ideas, strength, purpose and focus! There were times this week when the thought of myself standing in front of a crowd, speaking and sharing with them about worship etc seemed extremely daunting! I certainly need more confidence on my own convictions:P and more boldness. As for the devotion and ministry to the girls on Sunday morning, I've got some of the things I want to share down cold, in black and white... the rest are floating around somewhere in the processes and matrix of my cerebrum, me being fickle-minded, undecided and hesitant at this point! *Chuckles* I pray for discernment and wisdom.
Those above are the main things I will have to do for the first 3-4 days... In the second half of our trip, there's more worship-leading, translation work (I still have slight fears that I would change the contents of the sermons preached - when I translate them from English to Bahasa Malaysia up-front! Inilah peluang keemasan menonjolkan 'kefasihan' bahasa aku, haha - YEAH RIGHT :S - note the open and close inverted commas - I so, so, so need God's help in that! - Oh I always knew that there a good reason why God gave me a mother who SO emphasized the importance of us excelling in Bahasa Malaysia back in school :P) and some visitations to home-bound folks. Yikes. I'm not fully prepared for these as of yet... but do pray that I will be, next week! :P

Will be out shopping tonight for some stuff I will need to bring to Sabah next week - yippies. Vanessa brought me to a local drugstore yesterday morning to test how much my memory of medical knowledge has failed (i.e. to melengkapi our team's 'first aid+emergency kit' with all kinds of medications). Hehe. Thankfully, there were still signs of intact memory after more than a year and a whole term in a seminary. We will see what happens next year!:P I am starting to struggle to remember the names of some of the muscles in our hands! *Gulp*

I think memory is a beautiful and wonderful thing. I cry watching movies in which a character would have to lose his or her memory - whether it's due to dementia, amnesia, Alzheimer's, etc. (You can probably tell that I wasn't a big fan of Winter Sonata). I told someone (can't remember who - Ben I think) that one of the worst things that could happen to me is to lose my memory! Sure, not all memories are pleasant (life ain't a bed of roses!) but if one were to permanently lose his or her ability to remember everything, it would be tragic! I can't bear the idea of not knowing where I came from, not knowing the purpose of my existence, not knowing my family and the people I've known all my life, and not knowing (all over again) the salvation Jesus Christ came to give. I tremble when I imagine myself staring at my identity card and having to think, 'Oh, so.... my surname is Moo. What a strange one! And I was born in Kuala Lumpur. Gosh, I wonder who my father and mother are.'

Yeah, imagination ran abit wild...

I think memory is one of the greatest things that defines a person's life. You are who you are in the present because of all the things you've gone through in the past. We think and act the way we do, because of the certain experiences we've gone through and archives of memory that shaped us. We hold on to the principles we've caught, given much thought to and adopted as our own as the years went past. Of course, when we came to know the Lord, we were transformed by the renewing of the mind... but a man was never born a man but a baby...

Except Adam and Eve!

We have testimonies to share today, because we remember the faithful, merciful and gracious things God's done in our lives!

Ok, enough musing...gotta get back to the work.

Refocusing my life...

After being in the dark about my situation for days, finally I felt the Lord impress something on my heart today...

My agenda... Not yours.

The problem with me - I know the truth... but I have always fallen into the same temptation to be busy in ministry work... because I get anxious and guilty when I am not doing something. I also am one of those people who find it extremely difficult to say "NO!" Hardy har har. (I know, it probably sounds a little lame...but I assure you that I am serious 'bout this! Anyway, I'm sure some of you know what exactly I am talking about...) Then I end up many times, laboring in vain, burning out (BO), being very discouraged about things and resentful at everyone else, and accomplishing very little.

Believe me, when I say "I go to school", it's not your regular school, ok :P - in many ways, I find it tougher than med school. It was OK to be lazy back in med school. Now, it is not only unacceptable to be lazy in MBTS because you can get expelled for poor performance, hehe (certainly don't want that to happen!)... but it is unwise because you will feel so convicted. Experiencing the fear of the Lord seems so much more intense here (yes, in the hills, amidst trees, slopes, monkeys - real ones, pastors, pastors-to-be, missionaries, etc)... although I think perhaps, it's just me. Recently, I have been very caught up with the higher priority work - finishing important 'school' assignments - which are crazily LONG! Apparently mini-thesis-es (about 6000 words) are no biggie here and a norm - which I am definitely NOT used to when all the homework I did in med school was to prepare presentations, clerk patients and write how I would examine+investigate+manage+treat them, do critical reviews of research articles, research on stuff, occassional long projects, daily notes, look for answers to the questions posted by our lecturers, etc. Also, now that I am taking a Master-level studies in the seminary, my assignments are almost double those of the Bachelor programs... Not to mention, we have exams too. Additionally I've been preparing for the up-coming mission trip and preparing for weekend ministry! With all that I had no choice but to drop alot of things I used to do regularly at church JUST before the big BO struck. Choir, worship ministry, etc, etc. Actually, I've had some conviction to refocus my life and discontinue some of these things for quite some time already - perhaps even before I entered the seminary - but I procrastinated - feeling that all that would be unnecessary... As a result, it was very unfortunate that I had to suddenly pull out of choir and WAM just at the peak of a very busy month in the church-calendar. @_@

*Sigh* My apologies.

Anyway, for many days, I inevitably felt very strange and guilty. On one hand, I did feel relieved in a sense, because now I can focus on the major things I've been called to do. On the other hand, I was overwhelmed, because I felt that I had neglected to serve where there were needs! :P (I have itchy hands...and am prone to say "Yes" to the things I can do, without thinking much.)

This is where I truly admire my boyfriend for his discipline. He constantly reminds me of God's agenda. He prays hard before he gives any commitment to any ministry or commits himself to meeting any big needs (and even so, sometimes I feel that he helps more people than I do!) - I'm not talking about things like carrying chairs in church, problem-shooting at the sound consort, or helping an old lady walk down the aisle, etc which he does readily! :) But about the former, if he feels that he really cannot carry out a task (although there are needs), he will pray some more... then if he feels strongly that God is not calling him to the task, he either delegates or says a strict NO and steps out. Then, in those places God has called him to stay and serve, he gives his very best... even while there are many other things on his plate. Mini Taman-Negara (in the past year), leading CG, etc. Of course he prioritizes some things more than others, but he never gives less than his best. I'm amazed at how he maintains the balance.

On the contrary, I have spent most of my life responding and reacting to needs, rather than prioritizing God's agenda and only responding to the needs He tells me to respond to. I often pack my own schedules, don't spend enough time reflecting and evaluating, work till I drop, labor in vain and do a whole lot of unnecessary stuff... Then I keep BO-ing, losing focus and missing out doing the things God's called me to do well. Studying in the seminary and having to pick my own subjects and classes has been training me by God's grace to FOCUS... and I guess, this good habit is slowly diffusing into every area of my life. Except that it feels awkward when you start changing the way you used to do things for the past um, 2 decades of my life or so...

As I mentioned I have been feeling rather miserable lately... You have to understand. I have been serving in choirs and the music ministry for the past 7 years - and it just feels sad that this season in life has caused me to stop. Or rather God is arranging my circumstances so that I don't have much of a chance to hold on to it. (I'm just very sentimental, ok....It almost feels like the last day of high-school or college!) However, the other day, my boyfriend reminded me that we cannot expect to be doing the same things every season. While God may tell us to stay at times, other times He might have new things for us to do (according to His main purpose and unique agenda in each of our lives) and it could require that we discontinue what we have always been doing to adopt new routines, new schedules and new ministry work, make new investments in the lives we never used to touch, move to new places, and etc. We shouldn't keep comparing where we are currently with what we used to do in a particular ministry... and strive to do the things we used to do in the past seasons. More importantly, we've got to ask ourselves:

Are we where God wants us now? Have we grown deeper in our relationship with Him?

Made me think quite a bit.

Then today, at EFCC-MLM, God spoke to me.

My agenda. Not yours.

I tell you... This cannot be a co-incidence!

So, what is God's agenda for me in this season?

Fidgetty...

Couldn't fall asleep easily last night. Felt a tinge of fear still prickling my heart. Fell asleep praying. Had to wake up early to meet Vanessa this morning.

Heart is filled with anxiety somehow. It isn't about work-related or missions-related stuff (although I admit I'm a little nerve-wrecked about some things - just a little...) - but a hundred-and-one other things running through my mind. God have mercy!

Thought I'd spend some time with the Lord after this. I've been dwelling on the book of Psalms in the past few days. It is great and comforting to see how King David, the anointed king of Israel who God called, 'a man after His own heart', was not spared from spiritual struggles, spiritual attacks and troubles. But how he cried out to God, lamented, and still could acknowledge Him Lord over his life! How he trusted in the deliverance and faithfulness of God. What steely determination, despite his weaknesses. What adoration he gave. What triumphant praise he sang for the Lord, our Mighty King of all Battles.

I cannot help but be encouraged. The strength that God gives is made perfect when we are totally weak and powerless to help ourselves.

His grace is sufficient for me.

God is good all the time... and His love endures forever.

Tuesday

Had meeting in school this afternoon.

It wasn't too great a day - I must say. There was generally alot of unrest throughout the whole day. Need prayers, people.

Nearly got into 2 freak accidents, which I escaped kinda by the skin of my teeth! I'm serious! Praise God for protection on the roads! Those incidents left me a little fearful, as I drove back home much, much later (in the dark of the night)... In fact, I did not feel comfortable at all! Felt like there was some great 'oppression' going on, (sorry if this sounds freaky - it could have been my imagination going wild - but I am not sure about that...) I was mildly depressed, my heart was not at peace. Heaved a great sigh of relief when I stepped into my house, snapped on the lights and that comforting orange-golden glow burst through my house just as if to welcome me back! God be praised!

Spring-cleaned the house and did some laundry.

My boyfriend called me much later - to tell me that he had had a bad day too (Honestly, his one sounded much worse than mine!) - and when our conversation had ended, I felt very strongly that I should pray! And PRAY, I did! Felt so much better after praying. The name of Jesus brought alot of comfort, strength and joy to my soul! All glory to Him, the Sovereign One. A Word came into my heart later - "PRAISE".

I felt unsurpassed peace flood my soul...

Singing one powerful song by Darlene Zschech that I always used to sing back in Dublin:

"...praise Him you heaven
and all that's above
praise Him you angels
and heavenly host
let the whole earth
praise Him

praise Him the sun,
moon and bright shining stars
praise Him you heaven
and waters and skies
let the whole earth
Praise Him

Great in Power
Great in Glory
Great in Mercy
King of Heaven

Great in Battle
Great in Wonder
Great in Zion
King over all the earth..."

Assignments all in for this month. Finished preparing the ministry material for the young ladies. Still working on a power-point presentation. Tomorrow, will try starting on the translations for Vanessa's sermon.

Some weekend photos...

Had a great weekend...

Pardon the slightly haggard look. Celebrated Friday, the end of a stress-filled week and the completion of all my August assignments (cheh wah!) with a dearest companion and beloved supporter, movie-buddy, cheer-leader, boyfriend, etc...

Ben and I had dinner at some cool coffee place at Perangin Mall tucked into an almost unnoticeable corner, which we've never exactly thought of checking out before. It served really good Western food for such fantabulously reasonable prices (almost couldn't believe it!) - that we were game! I would rate the presentations 7.5 out of 10 - because it looked like the chef had taken great care to arrange the stuff nicely on the plates and had invested alot of 'heart' into his yummylicious creations. I was even too busy enjoying the food that I forgot to take down the name of the eatery! What a pity... Next time then. Anyway, we had a nice and quiet meal, a great heart-to-heart talk, and then watched GI Joe at the cinema. What a lovely date!:P A very refreshing one too.

...My staple this week...

On Saturday evening, Tairven and Ben's CG (we all originated from Tairven's CG! LOLx) had a combined farewell gathering for Mellisa, who is going to be sent out as a missionary this month. She will be away for 2 years under the OM, aboard the Logos Hope ship... and we will be missing her alot. She didn't really want us to call it a 'farewell party', and told us to celebrate her birthday instead... So we did! Since we won't be able to celebrate her birthday this year with her, as well as the next 2 - we decided to celebrate her 32nd, 33rd and 34th birthdays... therefore we gave her a '99' birthday candle to blow out!:P

The pictures below are courtesy of Tairven's camera and QY (Ben Teh's) photography skills - since Tairven was busy carrying Samuel the whole night. Obviously there were many more photos taken! But I feel bad putting all of them up, when I wasn't the one taking them... so what you see is what I've decided to put up :)

Mell looking very, very happy.

Beloved sisters...From left to right: Wee Lyn, Janet, me, Louise, Susan, Mell, Wei Nin and Sau Chan...

Baby Joel (QY and Ruth's 2nd son) wants a piccie too! He was as usual, cheerful, stranger-friendly and cuddly all the time, although he wasn't allowed to eat the foods on the table... since he had just recovered from an allergy. *MUAKS*

All of us praying for Mell...

Pastor praying Psalm 1 over Mell's life...

Then it was time to cut cake... and for Mell to open her pressies...

The girls enjoying themselves watching her... (note: we were laughing at her antics la!)

"Yoohooooo!!!! I LOVE IT, GUYS!!!"

Somemore bonding time... and it was time up pack up...

Joel, trying to do the 'peek-a-boo'...

After the party was over, Mell, Sau Chan, Louise, Wee Vian, Ben and myself had a very late night session of bowling at Bukit Jambul - 2 games, and we called it a day!:) We realized that SC had hidden talents of bowling! @_@