Sunday humor

Today Aunty G asked me: "So what are you going to do after you graduate from the BTS?"

Me: I will be a good wife.

Aunty G. to her husband: I wanted to know what ministry she's going to do... and she told me that she would be a good wife.

Aunty G's husband (smiling): Well, that is the most important ministry of all!

Saturday

Road-trip! - around the western coast of Penang.

Road-trip kaki no. 1 - Suan Hui

Road-trip kaki no. 2 - I mean below... Mr. Ben Wong

(FYI: It is not your imagination that two veins are popping out of my forehead. I am not even sure why. Recently, when I smile in pictures, those two veins grin at the camera too. Maybe the skin over my forehead is thinning.)

More pictures to be posted, as soon as Ben uploads the pictures he took with his DSLR!

The weather was gorgeous. Usually, when we go around the Balik Pulau side of the island on a Saturday afternoon, the sun is burning hot. Yesterday however, we were blessed with cool winds and some clouds to hide the sun a bit without clouding out too much sunshine. We started out with laksa and hokkien mee... went up to the fruit farm for fresh juices... took Suan Hui to visit the Tlk Bahang dam and beach, jetty going out to Pantai Kerachut/Monkey Beach, my seminary (MBTS)... and wound up at Gurney Drive for dinner. It was overall a very relaxed afternoon. I enjoyed the guys' fellowship very much.

Of a crazy dream...

Galatians 1:1. This verse often sobers me: "Paul, an apostle - sent not by human commission nor by human authority, but by Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised Him from the dead...."

Since 2004, I've always had an inkling of my life-calling. I remember the one fine day, when Cyn, Esther and I were seated comfortably in the dining room of my student pastor's house at Harold's Cross... Mike Groenewald asked us to go home, pray and think over this question: "If money were not a concern to you... and if nothing tied you down, what or where do you see yourself in 10 years time?"

As young 19-year-olds and 20-year-olds, we laughed. But homework is homework. We obediently went home to pray and ponder on Mike's question.

This was a crazy (and dangerous) question that changed my life. Sometimes, I wondered why God had to make Pastor Mike my spiritual mentor. I wondered why he had to ask us that question right smack in the middle of my medical studies. Why then? Why didn't someone ask me the same question before I went to Dublin? Because my answer to Mike's question was a crazy dream that had nothing to do with what I had in mind when I started out pursuing a career in medicine. Plus I had no idea then - how I was going to reach the crazy dream. I won't say what it is yet... but many of you do know what it is already.

It is approaching 7 years since I presented Mike my jaw-dropping answer. Well, except his jaw did not drop. In fact, he had expected it. Of all the medical students he had been working with (most of the students in the church I attended at Temple Bar, Dublin were keen and focused medical students), he had already discerned that I wouldn't quite achieve the ambition which I thought I had in common with the rest.

God was very merciful. So that I would continue studying medicine till I graduated (despite knowing the truth - i.e. I wasn't ever going to be a clinician), God sent a random prophet and wise church leaders to tell me to be faithful till the season was over. And when the season finally came to a close after 3 years (and I passed my finals by God's grace), God sent me a wonderful man (Ben) to convince me to remain in Penang and work a while at Trinity. While my work contract was coming to an end, Pastor Jeya suggested that I do a theological degree at MBTS. Looking back, I know for sure that I had been sent not by human commission not by human authority... but by Jesus Christ and God the Father, who raised Him from the dead.

Nevertheless, even dreamers grow tired and weary. I know the Bible doesn't mention that Joseph sighed while he was in prison, but I feel that he could well have - because Joseph was as human as I am today. I admit that I have been tired and weary myself. To this day, I still ask myself often if my 'detour' was worth it. Or if I have wasted years away? Or if I had been a fool. A fool for God, yes... but a fool nevertheless. Haha. But well... could Joseph have ever imagined while eating bland prison food and sleeping on a hard bed... that someday, he would be put in charge of the whole land of Egypt by the Pharaoh... and his crazy dreams would then come to pass?

My dream is probably not as huge as Joseph's. I never dreamed of sheaves of grain bowing down to my sheaf of grain... or the members of the Solar System bowing down to me! But my dream is crazy nevertheless. And I believe that if you, my readers, pray to Jesus and think over the same question Pastor Mike asked me, you might receive crazy dreams from God too. Pray, try. The S.H.A.P.E course is a good start to understand your life's purpose. Or else, write down on a piece of paper - your natural talents, spiritual gifts, inward desires to serve God and burdens, fruits, recognition and affirmation especially from those who know you, passions and convictions, what part of serving God fulfills and satisfies you, current circumstances, past experiences and people who have shaped your life and life opportunities...

Having understood your life purpose, can you now dare to dream a big dream that only God can bring to pass if He wills?

Don't worry if you don't get the big picture straightaway - my crazy dream has been filtered and revamped by God so many times, that it is a little different from its original form 7 years ago. Also don't worry if you have dreamt big dreams... and despaired over the fact that you have too little and are too small to reach for it. Because if your dream is bigger than yourself, i.e. too great to achieve on your own, then God has to be the author and perfecter of the dream... according to His will.

Like I said, it has been 7 years since I 'dreamed' the dream, but honestly, anyone that looks at my life can see that if God had not authored the dream ultimately, I would have been classified as delusional and schizophrenic. I look forward to behold what the 10th year brings.

I have a dream. Do you?

Weighing options

Making life decisions is not an easy thing to do. We feel so... responsible. I don't know about y'all, but weighing options pierces my soul with much unsettledness and stirs up an inner turmoil of emotions. But beginning with an end in mind, we realize that even our best efforts today bear mediocre fruits, unless God intervenes. Therefore ~ yes, we still need to choose - as wisely as possible if I may add. We might well mess up (coz we are fully capable of doing so). But ultimately, God is sovereign and love. And the Great Shepherd mercifully leadeth His sheep unto His abundant pastures.

One thing about marriage which I am fast learning is: it is no longer about me and myself alone when it comes to making decisions - whether day-to-day or mega ones. Taking my now-not-imaginary spouse (and future kids, haha) into consideration when I weigh my options is something that takes alot of practice. I used to think that it would be cumbersome. Ai Hua always says that I am a strong-headed, independent woman. It is true. I am one who takes great delight in hankering after adventures, trying new things and going on journeys with no specific destination in mind - all by myself. However, walking in my own pair of heels today - as a bride-to-be and Ben's wife-in-the-making - it is so totally worth it, even if it means dying to myself often.

Wall resistance...

Yesterday, while I was doing kicks in front of the TV (as a form of exercise, if you were wondering. LOL), I got distracted... my leg swung in the wrong direction and my foot smashed into the wall. The wall was not damaged, but I stood there for a while, half wincing in great pain and laughing helplessly at myself at the same time. *Bummer*

Thank God my toes haven't fallen off, despite Newton's third law! Miraculously, my foot is OK today. Apart from a teeny-weeny skin tag, there are no other visible aftermath of kicking the wall. But well... I grew wiser by a day and a kick.

Wednesday

Had breakfast with Ai Hua this morning. What a great catch-up session - what grace God unleashes through amazing friendships like this one! We are relational beings indeed. Can anyone survive without the staple of human fellowship and relationships? Even God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Love... expressed and received... is the elixir of life. It brings out the best in you and me. Love never fails.

Anyway...

I believe that the winter season of my life has passed away into spring. From a cold, stifling silence into a comforting serenity - the quiet in my heart has turned. From trudging in knee-high snow and the uncertain shuffling - my steps are breaking into Chassés. I feel that I have grown stronger... and yet, I have grown less. May Christ keep increasing.

Medical studies, etc...

I must really thank God for helping me through rheumatology. Thought it was going to be a drag, especially after how I used to always struggle with it back in med school. Surprisingly, I seem to be understanding medicine a lot better now... than I did, back in final med. Concepts which were pretty hazy in my mind then make so much sense now.

I am wondering why NOW... and not before my final exams. Imagine - what if I could regurgitate the stuff I now understand in the face of my examiners three years back. LOL. But then again, Ben suggests that perhaps my brain has matured throughout the years! My memory seems to be improving too - after my nearing-two-years stint at MBTS. Seminary is a good thing, I promise. Even though it comes with a ship-load of assignments and the near-certainty of eye-bags, caffeine-overdose, new reading-glasses, etc. Heh... :)

Truly, praise God for the sudden 'anointing' to study again! Not to mention for the joy I am experiencing while studying. Sigh. It's crazy. God knows why I am doing this. But, I believe that I will understand too someday.

But anyway... it's Tuesday. The week is still young, but time will pass quickly... Let us seize the moment and Carpe diem!

Monday

Vocal cords have not been too well lately. Ever since I was down with the December flu. So hard to warm-up in the mornings and when I sing, I can't hold my notes. Although I am supposed to have recovered from the flu, I still cough in the morning due to post-nasal drip, have rhinitis and produce alot of sputum. (Pardon the gross details)...

Thankfully, last week's worship leading @ MBTS went OK. And after the past Sunday's stint, it's one more week of doing vocal back-up in Service 2... then I can rest my cords for a while. Hopefully they will get well soon.

Watched Inception yesterday - and I had no idea what was going on most of the time. LOL. Ben said that it is a very brilliant movie. As for me... I think that my mind is either too simple of tired to comprehend the concept.

Had Domino's Pizza with Ben last night to wrap up my eating weekend.

Balik Pulau with our friends

The Kongs...and Kong Jr. who is 10 months old

Delicious Laksa at this very isolated place... which Ben's dad recommended some time ago

Kong Jr. and Tee (Ern Jie) Jr.

So wanna pinch his cheeks... so cute.

Kong Jr. : "I want what you are playing with..." (plastic, moving catterpillar)

Tee Jr.: "Mummy, he wants my toys..."

Tee Jr. : "He took my caterpillar... thankfully, he hasn't discovered my ball yet..."

Wai Lim and Kong Jr.

Saturday

Today...

1. Accompanied Ben to work this morning. Had a Sausage + Egg Mc-muffin for breakie. I did my emails, did some medical knowledge revision... and had a good QT.

2. Went to Balik Pulau with Yen Sun, Wai Lim + wife, WL's mum and all the kids... ate laksa. Ate pasembur...

3. Returned home for a short hour of exercise (and then I ate two dinners...*errrrrrp* )

4. Went for CG after dinner #1.

5. Went for supper (dinner #2) after CG. (I am now stuffed to the brim with roti telur and roti canai... Brides-to-be or dieters, sorry if you think I am a bad example :P ~ Saturday is my designated 'Day of Eats'. Plus the company was so worth the face-stuffing.

What contaminates?

This morning, I read this verse: "Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God." (2 Cor 7:1)

How come this verse never seemed as real to me as it seems today?

When I was struggling with eating disorders, why did this verse not make any sense to me? Yeah, I know what contaminates the spirit... but why didn't I see that keeping the body uncontaminated is a vital action of perfecting holiness... out of reverence for God? I believe this doesn't just mean sexual chastity - but it also has got lots to do with how we treat and steward the bodies God has given us as mortal dwellings while we are on this earth and yet away from Him. (2 Cor 5:6) Also what we do while being clothed in these mortal dwellings.

I know I've repented from using laxatives/purgatives before this. My bulimia/anorexia days are long gone. I don't restrict or binge or purge like I used to. However, just like any recovered ED sufferer, I still struggle sometimes... with certain infiltrating thoughts. It is certainly not as before, when I kow-towed to these thoughts and religiously met their demands. "You need to throw-up," they would beg, "...or you will gain another pound tonight." Nevertheless, I am often tempted to compromise. Subtle stuff like, "You ate so much yesterday evening... you can skip breakfast. It is only one meal. It won't matter much." I know that it will not be long before I start skipping two meals and so on... if I compromise the first time. And perhaps, the definition of 'I ate so much' will too change with regards to its qualification.

I am not saying that everyone struggles with the same thing. Former ED-sufferers struggle with different weak points. The Enemy knows too well what is required to trigger a recovered person and lead to relapse, so that she is sucked back into the vicious cycle that used to keep her away from God and from walking victoriously in the calling upon her life. Satan knows that it is probably twice as hard for one to get back on track every time she relapses. However, I always remember the Apostle Paul saying, "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall." (1 Corinthians 10:12) It is wise to be aware of our weaknesses and thoroughly (and prayerfully) combat triggers that may cause us to fall.

This verse is definitely a good reminder for me to meditate on. What keeps me away from God? What keeps me from walking in a manner worthy of my calling and destiny in Christ? What grieves God's Spirit in me? Our bodies cannot be contaminated without contaminating our soul and spirit as well. All are intertwined as long as we are living human beings on earth... on this side of eternity.

Where can your soul be alone with God?

The 'Holy of Holies' was innermost chamber of the tabernacle in the Old Testament days which could only be accessed by the Chief Priest alone. If you were a Chief Priest in those days, you must have entered with fear and trembling, because you knew that you had no other agenda than meeting the great I AM and soaking in His Holy presence. There must be no trace of unclean-ness upon you - yes, you were to leave everything outside before you entered. According to what I learnt once (I faintly remember that this has got something to do with the tabernacle - haha, some seminary student I am), a rope was looped around the ankle of the High Priest and someone else would hold on to the other end of the long rope while he entered - just in case he was struck dead in the Holy of Holies and the dead body needed to be dragged out.

Now that we, through the New Covenant, have been initiated into a priesthood whose Chief Priest is no other than Jesus Christ, God invites each one of us to meet with Him privately and regularly in the 'Holy of Holies' where there can be no distractions, nobody to eavesdrop on our intimate conversations (as well as confessions) with God and nothing to interrupt our awareness of God's presence. A place where God can minister to your soul... and where you can confidently and safely deposit the deepest secrets of your soul. Where is your 'Holy of Holies'? Where can your soul be alone with God?

When I had a roommate back in Dublin, my 'Holy of Holies' was in our dining room, where I would meet God way before anyone got up. I would quietly read my Bible and write in my journal. Somehow, the habit of expressing myself to God through writing stuck.

Since I am not a particularly verbal person, writing helped me to fully 'voice' out and crystallize many of my thoughts. I took my journal wherever I went. On buses, in noisy cafes, at the windy harbor... or in a quiet corner of our school library. Writing helped (and still helps) me to keep close to God. Up till today, I still find it the easiest to be alone with God when I am in the private (not to mention beautiful) world of journaling... Strangely, I lose myself in there - and I am hardly distracted by anything that goes on around me then. Sometimes I even forget that I am in a public place, until I catch my face pulling itself into some weird expression, find my eyes wet or suddenly laugh out loud. I can even do my quiet-time at noisy places. Not very 'quiet', definitely...and I do not do this all the time. But hey, it still works for me! My journals are interesting worlds, I feel. Reading them, I marvel at the amount of stuff I have confided in God - the embarrassing, humbling, sad, shameful, guilty, frustrated and furious... But I it is healing to know that God would meet me just as I am - yesterday, today and forevermore. Me, Grace. Today - still geeky, jealous, foolish, obsessed over the wrong things and insecure. But absolutely loved by God, no less... and eager to be transformed.

How about you? Do you have a special 'place' to meet God?

Thursday

When beauty is more than a dream
when peace holds the heart still
even when the light fails to shine,
fails the essence of life, hope - never will.

Spending time alone...

A few more pics from Dari Cafe

...where we celebrated Serena's birthday.

Fuiyoh...look at my triceps! :P

Ai Hua and I...

Tuesday

I've been taking a great liking to Cosway products recently.

I like it that I am able to browse from a catalog, think and plan what to get (in the comfort of my home too!) instead of my usual fickle-minded browsing the aisles and ending up with alot of unnecessary purchases. Plus, I hate how the sales-people just can't leave me to shop in peace. Not only do they tag along while I stroll around the shop. But always, just when I reach out to touch something, they go, "You can try that on..." or "There is a 20% discount for this row..." when a huge "20% discount" card suspends right before my eyes! It's unbelievable! I usually march out of the shop feeling defeated and frustrated.

Thus saith the anti-social introvert... I am honestly not one of those who are naturally gifted to make small-talk with shop-keepers... Silence is golden ...and a rule when I shop alone. Hehe.

Cosway sells alot of interesting gadgets, creams, toiletries, house-hold appliances, supplements and clothes among other stuff. To be entitled for the special discounts all year round, you need to pay a small fee for an annual membership.

A Monday of a Different Kind

I usually spend my Mondays brooding alone.... Hehe. Introverts often find it refreshing to spend time alone.

Today was a little different. First, I had an impromptu invitation to a birthday celebration lunch for one of my seminary mates, Serena. Secondly, I received the news that my bro-in-law, James, had been admitted to hospital for a bad ear infection. Last but not least, one of Ben's uncles (we know him as "char kuey teow" uncle, because he is the owner of the best char kuey teow stall at Gurney Drive) passed away last night.

So yeah, I went for Serena's birthday lunch - it turned out to be a very good time. Went home later, did some wedding prep, went to the hospital to visit our James Wong (who was dying of boredom) with the rest of the Wong family and Xu Wen (the girlfriend)... and then Ben sent me home before going for his uncle's wake.

Anyway, the pictures I took at Serena's birthday luncheon are as follows (more pictures from Tracy's and Serena's camera soon):Tracy from China

Tracy and our birthday girl, Serena

Ai Hua and Matthew - the newly engaged couple! :)

David from China

@ Dari Cafe... Korean food. Not bad! :)

My bibimbap

Hmm, how many candles should we put on the cake?

Happy birthday, Serena!

Time to pray for the birthday girl :) - with Matthew leading

Yummy chocolate cake

Sunday

I don't know why...

but my heart is filled with strange peace

The peace the world does not give...

...but it sure helps me to live

One day at a time,

knowing that this season will someday end

and yet to give way to something new...

It's another glimpse of a greater Plan

than I could have ever imagined

or would ever live to know...

Sabbath Day...32nd monthsary

A day of rest and celebration for God's faithfulness throughout the week.

Ben and I had blessed 32nd monthsary. Ben's parents, Ben, James (his bro) and I just returned from an amazing one-day trip to KL yesterday. The occasion? Well... part of our preparations for marriage in exactly 4 months time, Ben's parents who hadn't met my dad before yesterday thought that it would be a good time to introduce themselves to my dad. Dad himself initially thought that he would go up to Penang in February/March to visit my in-laws - but it looks like... Ben's parents beat him to it! LOL.

We drove down to KL armed with a large gift-hamper, which my in-laws had thoughtfully insisted on getting - to bless my dad on their first visit to my home...and a love-gift from the family of the bridegroom to the dad of the bride (Ye-a-ah, it felt a bit weird - that I was visiting my own dad together with my in-laws... you get my drift? This is totally not your typical upacara meminang, whereby the parents of the bridegroom visit the family members of the bride - and discuss wedding plans. This time, the bride is visiting her own father with the parents of the bridegroom! Hehe...) Dad and his two older siblings met us at Gao Ren Guan restaurant in SS15 for lunch. After lunch, we all headed home for the 'discussion' I had much dreaded. Hehe.

Turned out, it wasn't at all dreadful - as I had expected (moral of the story: don't watch too many TVB/Korean/Singaporean dramas or take everything people tell you for granted - and so scare yourself). I had tortured myself all the way back to KL, imagining the worst case scenario - what if: everyone ends up shouting at the top of their voices, arguing about the dowry... then a crazy relative of the bride dislikes the bridegroom, and decides to make things extra difficult for him to marry the bride by demanding a costly dowry... etcetera. Subsequently, what happens if the bridegroom decides that the bride is not worth all that trouble - and changes his mind... Slamming his fist on the table, he says, "Suan le ba..."

Of course, it was my melancholic nature playing up and conveniently allowing my brain to run loose with messed up, bizarre imagination! As you would have probably guessed, I had been pretty stressed out about this trip in the first place.

My relatives and dad were so hospitable to my in-laws and the conversation that took place between both 'parties' so gracious - that I became skeptical myself. LOL.

There was not even a single mention of who-should-pay-for-this-and-that. The parents on both sides just agreed that they would help us as much as they can (if we needed) to get ready for our holy matrimony. And lovingly accept us as part of the family.

Thought that my eyes and ears were playing bad tricks on me.

When we finally left my home and waved goodbye to Dad and my relatives, I let go of the breath I didn't realize that I had been holding. Heaved a sigh of relief... and thanked God profusely from the bottom of my heart for His gift of grace and great faithfulness to Ben and I.

We wound up at IKEA for some furniture-shopping and a sumptuous meal before we drove back to Penang.

Thank you to the few of you (you know who you are!) who have been praying for us and the trip.

Yet another "resolution"

I have decided to spend some time each day revisiting baby Kumar and Clark. LOL. It's a pocket-sized (although too thick to fit into my pocket) book containing the essentials of clinical medicine. Thought since I am now approaching the third year since I graduated from med school, I'd better refresh my knowledge.I have been quite reluctant to do this for some time already... However, yesterday, when I picked up my pocket K&C, and those familiar words I have been ruminating on for quite some years back in med school greeted me... I felt a strange tug in my heart. And then I thought... "Perhaps the anointing is here... Better get into revision before I miss the 'moment'!" Hehe.

So there... I hope to cover the entire book in a year's time... latest.

Twelve most important things/events to me in year 2010

Some late-bloomer I am. Nevertheless, to pace and brace myself for what this year will bring, I was inspired by Pst. Richard to reflect on the twelve most important things to me in year 2010... So here goes my list - from the most recent - back...

1. CHRISTMAS 2010

This year's Christmas was meaningful to me because I felt very challenged to recommit my life to walking closely to God.

Christmas dinner with extended CG members

2. BRIDAL PHOTOSHOOT NO. 1

It was memorable because it happened 3 days after I came back from my mission trip - itching from sand-fly and mosquito bites... It was also our first photoshoot together ever... an interesting experience that brought Ben and I much closer to one another. The photos are gonna remain top secret for a while more... I will keep them for another post someday! :)


3. LONG LAMAI (SARAWAK) MISSION TRIP










An awesome trip indeed... Made new friends, saw God's hand at work among the Penans, had the privilege of serving God with my life...

4. LYDIA'S VISIT TO PENANG

Gosh, thanks for being such an encouragement to me, dear!

5. SINGAPORE TRIP NO. 2 - SEPTEMBER 2010

Was invited to attend a women's conference organized by the women's ministry of Grace Baptist Church, Singapore. Amazing time.

Had dinner with Natalie :)

Met up with Laura jie and Ewan... and their new born baby - Hannah Grace

6. IN LONDON, CARDIFF AND BATH WITH ZOEY

One of the best vacations ever... and it was wonderful to spend a week with my dear lil' sister in UK.

Had a lot of bonding time...

7. ETOP (POLAND MISSION TRIP)

The locations we were at...

Studied for one-and-a-half weeks... at the Warsaw Baptist Theological Seminary...

To the South

To the north

8. BEN'S U.S TRIP AND OUR 3 MONTHS APART (which seemed like forever)

Sending him off was the hardest thing to do... :S

... but thank God, He made our 3 months apart colorful. On my side....

...an old friend from Dublin, Maeve, came to visit me in Penang...a high-school mate, Leigh Lyn, came to visit...School went on as usual...I continued teaching piano to pass time... (also because I wanted to teach la!)My faithful Sunday after-church-lunch buddies... Louise and Wei Nin... both of them later graduated from med school and left for Sarawak *sobs*

Went out a little more with Sau Chan

Got bored during the long nights... therefore I fixed up a computer desk from Tescos all by myself. Made up my mind by the end of 3 hours of sweat and blood (literally) that I am not cut out to be a good carpenter... :P - but thankfully, the desk did get put together......and wonderful friends to bring me joy...

9. HE PROPOSED! I AGREED TO MARRY HIM

This happened right before he left for the States...

10. SINGAPORE TRIP NO. 1 - JUNE 2010

Another superb vacation.... met up with alot of people... and stayed in Ji's little room as usual...Above: Serena and I

Had lunch with Aunty May Ling, who is very much a spiritual mother to me...

Above: Ji - in Chinatown.../ Below: Valerie, Sophia and I

11. EASTER WEEKEND BAPTISM FOR BEN'S PARENTS AND BRO

Indeed, in God, all things are possible.

12. EFCC CONFERENCE

It was a very educational conference for me, with regards to serving God in Malaysia, missions, impacting the community and cities, etc. Broadened my perspectives it did. Also, it was my first time writing a conference theme song. Praise God for inspiration of lyrics and music.