Wetness-day...

A wet morning, with the puddles of rain splashing around my ankles.

I am taking quite a challenging course this week... 'Child development and functioning in families and the community'. It kinda forces me out of my comfort zone because I can't help but address the things of the past. Especially my childhood and adolescence. Sometimes, my own scars startle me and I have to try and hide the wetness in my eyes.

I assure you that I am not making a mountain out of a molehill. And no, you don't have to feel sorry for me... :)

~ Well, at least I won't get to merely sweep things under the carpet and go on carrying emotional baggages for the rest of my life. Painful as it is, I pray that addressing those issues would allow their proper closure... and I don't have to pass them down to my kids in the future. Or those whom I minister to.

Got a bit discouraged in the afternoon about certain MBTS-unrelated stuff. I believe that God has been teaching me to deny my strong-headedness, my want of control, distrust for people and rebellion - I am slowly letting go, taking less responsibilities upon myself (and I really mean the unnecessary ones!), submitting and allowing Him to take control of my circumstances. Painful, depressing and unsettling it may be. But greater is the freedom, I feel. Give me a gentle and quiet spirit, O God... and may I be contented in Your love.

Toast-day...

Just up from a nap...

Did quiet-time before I popped in between the sheets... my eyes were starting to get really watery and their lids heavy like lead. I even spilled some coffee powder over myself while making myself a cuppa. That was the last straw. No coffee could have kept me up much longer.

I am so proud of myself - that I did not sleep for 2 hours or something :P - I woke up after 45 minutes... I can't say that I have detached myself completely from sleep yet...I am still really groggy. *Yawwwnnnnnn...* *Rawrrrrrr* @_@

According to Freud's id, ego and super-ego theory (although I don't fully agree with his theory of moral reasoning), I am pretty sure that my 'id' is hopping mad that I did not lie down a little longer.

What I will need to do later: my reflection paper for Dr. Rosalind...and continuation of my pastoral counseling homework.

Now, hopefully I've got a smile to serve... coz I am going to pray... if you will excuzie mua...

The start of a heavy week...

Back from school. Just downed some potato chips. Enjoying my cup of coffee... before I get into my reflection paper... and deciphering last week's taped counseling session with Vanessa.

Dr. Rosalind's class again this week: Child development and functioning in the family and community.

Need some solid prayer time after this... Oh, Lord...please let me be awake *_*...

Next week, I have a friend coming to Penang from Dublin to visit me. She used to be a church-mate, CG mate before she moved back to Cork, and an ex-neighbour, whose house I used to frequently hang-out at... Coincidentally (actually, I believe this is no accident), I will be having my mid-sem one-week break, so I get to spend quality time with her and bring her around Penang! :) *Excited* We have not met for 4 years already... Never thought we'd ever meet again on this side of eternity... but we are going to meet after all. Praise God for granting us such a precious opportunity.

Because she talks at lightning-speed (all Irish who originate from county Cork talk like that), I need to prepare my ears and brain (to process many, many more words per second - perhaps 3-4X the normal speech volume) for our catch-up sessions... hehe. Also, I need to think of some places to bring her. (Oh, Ben Wong... why aren't you around when I need you?? :P)

That was us in year 2006, in our bulky spring clothing...and yes, my face was round. I kid you not! :)

Mission trip

I can't believe it! Mission trip is in roughly 2 weeks time.

So not prepared - need to pray more. I haven't even packed or thought of buying stuff for the trip.

Europe, oh Europe... I come back! Poland, this will be my first time stepping foot into your beautiful land. London, I'm back for the 3rd time - I don't think you've gotten tired of me yet! :)

England, I am so glad that I am going to see a little more of you this trip. I pray... more of you, next trip - although I have no idea when it is going to be!

And the nicest reward I have at the end of my mission trip - a week with my younger sister, Zoey.

It's going to be tough keeping in contact with Ben once I am there (and he will still be in the States) - I am so NOT looking forward to this part - but oh well... God, I lean on Your faithfulness to keep us together as we keep close to You.

Sunday

Was a WAM enabler this morning.

Went for lunch with church friends at Batu Lanchang market after service 2 was over. Thanks Sau Chan for driving! :)

Went for coffee on my own, armed with a good book - 'These Strange Ashes' by Elisabeth Elliot - lent to me by Rachel. A very challenging book to read... I felt tears pricking my eyelids at random moments... but I felt very ministered to... and encouraged about my own circumstances. Thank You, God.

Went grocery-shopping... treated myself to a cool purchase, i.e. a new brand of chips I've never tried before. (note: I am actually quite the potato-chips fan... although I don't have them all the time - in fact I limit potato-chips consumption because of the sodium and heatiness... also, I have to preserve my voice - I do enjoy trying out all the different brands in the supermarket...very occasionally, I treat myself to imported brands. If I am in my 'sampling' mode, one bag can last me a few days.)

Had dinner with Ben's dad, mum and bro at Sah Tio Lo ("Three roads" in Hokkien) - they gave me a good feeding - from fish tomyam noodles to Satay to Ho chien.... *burp* Just so that James will not say that I am 'tam chiak' if he happens to read this, I shall not brag about how happy my tummy is right now. LOLx.

Skyped with Ben... did the laundry...worked out my to-do-list for the week... emailed some people... watched some telly... chillax...

This is how I spent my Sunday.

Now I am about to turn in for bed. Here's to another week of intensives and a week of class-monitor duties for me. Eeeeeeeks.

Pics of my successful table-constructing...

The box of wood and tools after I brought it home and before I opened it up...

This was when I started to have doubts... right after I saw the wood and the screws, nuts, etc...

I found Uncle Wong's old hammer lying around in the store-room and decided that it would be a good help...

After 3 hours...

After 2 more hours (I think)...

Saturday

Today, I happened to chat with 2 brothers... who had in various points in my life brought me much joy and encouragement in their own special (and precious) ways... It was so good catching up with them. In a way, it was God's way of answering a prayer that I cried out yesterday in my desperate, thirsty state - "God, please send me a clear sign that You love me..." Speaking to my brothers and remembering how God had truly touched my life through the brotherly love I received from each and every one of them was refreshing.

Thank you brothers...for teaching me amazing lessons on being a sister.

Then a 3rd brother suddenly texted me out of nowhere... and I felt even more comforted. Thank you so much for being an answer to my prayers. :)

Sometimes, one can feel so alone in his/her struggles. There's always a fear in me that I might be abandoned. I lie if I say that I have never felt that God was faraway from me. This weekend for instance, He seems so far, yet so near. So distant and cold... yet His love is still warm, evident and tangible even in the most abstract of ways. I actually do feel like one who is weeping and pining for her Lover - anxious not to lose sight of Him. Anxious not to be abandoned. My first Love - Jesus. And a child I am... of the great Heavenly Father - crying in the scary wilderness for Him to take my hand and lead me out.

Dear God... You are indeed a mystery to me... I cannot live without You, so please keep me in Your presence, listen to the cry of my heart and do not delay coming to my rescue. Nobody can fully satisfy me...but You and You alone. More of You, Jesus... More of You.

Um... just wondering.. is there such thing as separation anxiety in a child of God? Have I yet to develop 'object permanence'?