Saturday

Today, I happened to chat with 2 brothers... who had in various points in my life brought me much joy and encouragement in their own special (and precious) ways... It was so good catching up with them. In a way, it was God's way of answering a prayer that I cried out yesterday in my desperate, thirsty state - "God, please send me a clear sign that You love me..." Speaking to my brothers and remembering how God had truly touched my life through the brotherly love I received from each and every one of them was refreshing.

Thank you brothers...for teaching me amazing lessons on being a sister.

Then a 3rd brother suddenly texted me out of nowhere... and I felt even more comforted. Thank you so much for being an answer to my prayers. :)

Sometimes, one can feel so alone in his/her struggles. There's always a fear in me that I might be abandoned. I lie if I say that I have never felt that God was faraway from me. This weekend for instance, He seems so far, yet so near. So distant and cold... yet His love is still warm, evident and tangible even in the most abstract of ways. I actually do feel like one who is weeping and pining for her Lover - anxious not to lose sight of Him. Anxious not to be abandoned. My first Love - Jesus. And a child I am... of the great Heavenly Father - crying in the scary wilderness for Him to take my hand and lead me out.

Dear God... You are indeed a mystery to me... I cannot live without You, so please keep me in Your presence, listen to the cry of my heart and do not delay coming to my rescue. Nobody can fully satisfy me...but You and You alone. More of You, Jesus... More of You.

Um... just wondering.. is there such thing as separation anxiety in a child of God? Have I yet to develop 'object permanence'?