I thank God, my Creator, for having gifted me with a very good memory.
Now, I know that everybody is unique. Gifted with different gifts. I may not have your gift, but I have been bestowed with my own special gift so I can glorify God with it. And so, one of mine is my memory.
I remember things from as far as my first birthday... and it's probably because I am inclined to think deeply about the sensations picked up by the receptors of my sense organs, namely sight, smell, taste, hearing and touch. It is unimaginable how I am able to remember the feel of the gauze petticoat under the pink dress I wore on my first birthday - how scratchy it felt, how uncomfortably hot I was in it and how awkward the experience of my very first dress ever. Or when you tell me, "Think of what you did in Year XXXX", I'd be able to draw from the archives of my memory - and tell you some of the experiences I recall from that particular year. Perhaps it's also because my dad happened to be an avid and sentimental photographer (like some of my friends today: Tairven, Matthew Yap, Ben, etc) - and he took dozens of pics each year and throughout every milestone of his kids. I used to look at them quite often. They must have reinforced and etched the memories in my mind, as if set in stone! Perhaps, this is where I picked up the habit of remembering events and details as part of pictures, scenes and snapshots. Of course, the memories go beyond pictures - emotions, sensations, dreams and thoughts are connected too. Pleasant and unpleasant. They all come in a package.
Of course, having a good memory comes with many benefits, for which I am ever grateful to the Lord. I did (and still do) well in academics because I was good at memorizing and remembering the lessons I learned - of what worked and what did not work. I also have a rather photographic memory - whereby I'd be able to remember how the pages with the answers look - and when I am stuck in a spot, I'd attempt to pick the details off the pages where the answers are found. I am a good performer because I easily recall the effect of tried and tested methods on my audience (whether my examiners back in med school, music, etc). Furthermore, I easily learn from watching performers whom I greatly esteem - I remember what they did, how they did it... and then I'd innovate and personalize the whole combination of their methods. Also, I used to hardly mark down datelines/anniversaries on calendars - because each and everyone of them somehow sticks in my head. Also, it means I remember God's blessings in the past - and therefore have the faith to trust God to deliver me in the present.
The only thing I never seem to recall or remember - is what happens on the roads when I am driving. Believe me, you can offend me on the road - and unless it was a serious offense (like you banged my car or something), I can never remember you did it by the end of my journey. I'd only recall general things like, "Oh, it was a bad traffic jam..." or "Penang drivers are reckless..." (sorry Penang peeps!) Then I'd happily forget about the whole incident. But perhaps, that's because because I am too busy dreaming and thinking about other things whilst driving. I have sometimes arrived at my destination without having any recollection of how I drove there!!! Perhaps, my mind splits when I do so - one part almost unconsciously but intelligibly directs my driving - and the other part consciously dreams! :P Something like that.
God calls us to be good stewards of the gifts He has given us. This means that it is possible for us to be bad stewards. It is good to search ourselves honestly.
When I am a bad steward of my gift of good memory,
- I tend to dwell too much on the past. And throw myself pity-parties for stuff which have already happened and have been resolved ages ago. Or I blame myself for mistakes.
- I tend to bear grudges and harbor bitterness/resentment toward those who have offended me. And then, I find it so difficult to forgive and love.
- Relying too much on my memory keeps me from being creative in the present and finding new solutions for problems.
- I sometimes gloat and feel superior over those who do not recall as much. (Poor Ben...) Then I'd bring up (in glee) stuff like, "Do you remember the day you first spoke to me? The very words you spoke?" (I admit that this can be fun!:P It can be good when I use it the right way)
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