Loving yourself is...

Today, I happened to walk past rows and rows of pretty shoes, going at a discounted price. The girl in me drooled. Of course, I did not buy new shoes. I just drooled.

I looked at the many closed-toe sandals on sale - and a part of me wished that the shape of my feet weren't so weird that I could wear them without pain and causing further deformity to my feet.

And then this thought suddenly came to mind. I believe it must have been God-inspired, somehow.

Part of loving yourself is accepting that not all things are meant to go well with you... and that you do not have to possess all things to be of value.

For me, I will have to accept that I will never have much opportunity to wear closed-toe sandals (unless they happen to provide ample toe-space - which elegant ladies' shoes almost never, nowadays). I will have to accept that certain clothes would never look good on my pear-shaped body, certain shades of make-up will never match my skin (unless I had enough time to maintain a tan), certain hairstyles would never suit the shape of my face (despite how much I like 'em)... and I'll always have to steer clear of sleeves that make my arms look big(ger). I am not putting myself down when I accept that I will never achieve my goal of being extremely svelte without killing myself. Coz I was made to have curves. According to an awesome, divine plan.

And when you accept that not all things fit or sit well with you, you can finally rule them out of your "to get" list. And you would finally be able to appreciate the very things God has made you to enjoy and find fulfillment in... and ultimately, the way God has made you.

I know some people just love to push themselves. I am not saying that they are wrong to do so.

In fact, we should be excellent in everything we do. Scale the highest mountains we can ever scale. Serve God with your fullest potential and passion. Conquer your greatest fears and challenges if you like. But we will always have our unique limitations. Physically especially, since we live in our bodies - and relational-wise, since God made us to function and grow within our relationships with people. I never respected my limitations before. I thought they were namby-pamby nuisances. And so I stopped caring for them. That is when I hurt those who loved me, I lost my health... I stopped loving myself, I lost respect for myself... and ultimately, I lost myself.

Mark 8:36 - "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?"

Forfeiting one's soul indicates a failure in recognizing God's brilliant design for one's being, his/her limitations and yet the ultimate fulfillment of being contented in one's possessions, beauty, gifts and life purpose. In short, a person who forfeits his/her soul has never loved himself/herself... and therefore, has never been able to fully appreciate his/her Creator. If you cannot fully appreciate your Creator and thus, cannot be close to Him, you will never be able to live according to His purposes (coz you can never trust Him enough and your own agenda takes over).

And when the wrong purposes drive our lives...where do you think we will end up? I just think that I would be always unhappy. Always running after the wrong things - and when I finally obtain them, I would still be unhappy and never satisfied somehow.

So what does it profit you to gain the whole world and forfeit your soul?

Absolutely nothing.