Do you know...where you're going to... ?

I'm kinda lost.

Anyway...

While I was learning to speak German back in Dublin, I watched a gripping German film during the German film festival - "Sophia Scholl - The Final Days" back in the Irish Film Institute once... It's of a true story of a girl a German student, active within the White Rose non-violent resistance group in Nazi Germany.... She was convicted of high treason after having been found distributing anti-war leaflets at the the University of Munich with her brother, Hans. Both were executed by the guillotine. Sophie had a talent for drawing and painting... and as an avid reader, she developed a growing interest in philosophy and theology. Her firm Christian faith in God and her belief that every human being has the dignity of being image-bearers of God formed her basis for resisting Nazi ideology. I highly recommend the movie.

Being horrified by her boyfriend's (Hartnagel) reports through correspondence of the behavior of the Germans on the Eastern Front where Hartnagel witnessed Soviet soldiers shot in a pit, and learned of the mass killings of Jews, she often discussed the "theology of conscience" developed in Newman's writings - with Hartnagel. Her brother, Hans and 2 other men formed the White Rose movement and co-authored six anti-Nazi political resistance leaflets. Hans had initially wanted to keep her unaware of their activities, but once she discovered them, there was no stopping her. She joined them and played an important role: being a woman, her chances of being randomly stopped by the Nazis were much smaller. They instructed Germans passively (as in not by violence) to resist the Nazis. Alas, Sophie and the rest of the White Rose were arrested for distributing the sixth leaflet at the University of Munich on February 18, 1943.

The next day, they were found guilty and condemned to death. They were all beheaded in Munich's Stadelheim Prison only a few hours later. Prison officials, in later describing the scene, emphasized the courage with which she walked to her execution. Her last words were "How can we expect righteousness to prevail when there is hardly anyone willing to give himself up individually to a righteous cause. Such a fine, sunny day, and I have to go, but what does my death matter, if through us thousands of people are awakened and stirred to action?"

Following her death, a copy of the sixth leaflet was smuggled out of Germany through Scandinavia to the UK by German jurist, Helmuth James Graf von Moltke where it was utilized by the Allied Forces. In mid-1943, they dropped millions of propaganda copies over Germany of the tract, now retitled The Manifesto of the Students of Munich.
(Resources: Wikepedia)

One of the most touching scenes of the movie was this :

Sophie, who learned that she was to be executed that day, was put into a room to write her last words while fighting to maintain her composure. She was visited by her parents, who expressed their approval of what she has done. She assured her mother they will meet again in heaven. The prison chaplain came and she received his blessing. He told her she has the greatest love of all — to give up one's life for one's friends. She was led into a cell where her White Rose mates await execution. They quietly shared a cigarette, and then embraced. One of them, Probst, remarked that what they did was not in vain. As Sophie is led into a courtyard, she spoke, "The sun is still shining..." She was brought to the execution chamber and placed in a guillotine. The blade fell the first time and the picture went black. Footsteps were heard, and then Hans's voice piped up, exclaiming "Es lebe die Freiheit!" ("Long live Freedom!"). There was another shudder to the picture, as the blade came down upon his neck. More footsteps...and the third and final fall of the blade for Probst....

I promise...I assure you that...

...The whole theatre of people were crying. I kid you not. It must have been a funny sight - a whole throng of people making their way out of Cine 2 later - with swollen eyes and red noses.

This was indeed one movie that encouraged me in my walk with God - to stand up for the right things and not give up, even though it hurts to love God.

Recently, I have been wondering...

Am I still having that same steely determination to follow Jesus? Yeah, I am one tired-out seminary student, but does that give me any excuzes not to seek to walk closer to Him each day? I admire my younger self actually... Once upon a time, when I was a medical student, I'd wake up at 4am in the mornings - spring out of bed - just to have that special moment with God first thing in the morning. But now? I've become so much of a night-person... that I can hardly wake up in the mornings, haha. Every morning begins with a groan, a snooze of the alarm-clock... and then me whimpering, like a puppy - as I drag myself to the bathroom for a shower. I am not saying that I don't seek God or pray... I do. I yearn and I hunger... but what kind of attitude is this? To reluctantly start my day? To sometimes make little compromises here and there, and tell myself that it's OK? Such a struggle - and I get lost when I try to think of where I am right now. But God, Author and Perfecter of my faith - make me faithful by Your grace - for without You, I won't be able to stand. Do not pass me by.