Why oh why...

Depression is a very dangerous thing.

It often presents itself to the society only as the tip of the 'iceberg'. The underlying emotions and reasoning are complex. Underestimated and uncontrolled, it can be more fatal than cancer; and death from cancer, more dignified...

Recently, I've had to minister to a few young women with such a struggle. It truly breaks my heart to see them suffering... and whenever they threaten to commit suicide or mutilate themselves, it scares me... Coz I have felt what they feel...and I know it truly sucks ~ with a big S. You just feel so hopeless...that you feel that the world is better off without you... or you are better off without the world. In extreme cases, you either hurt yourself or end your life.

Once upon a time, I used to do the former. My left wrist - tells of many stories. The scars are mostly gone... except 2. One long, one short. And its been more than 6 years eversince they were caused.

But I found God. He's now my Refuge. I desire the same for all those battling depression.

I have yet to learn how to NOT get emotionally involved with people ~ while being totally empathic, compassionate, prayerful and strong. (I cry when I see another person's tears...or hear another person cry...) Sometimes, I succeed, but most of the time, I don't. Especially if I have gotten to know the person well enough. It is difficult to 'desensitize' myself even after having gone through my psychiatric rotations in 2007 and having encountered so many depressed people ~ and just see the person as 'just a case'. I definitely can't... and I don't think I should force myself to. Perhaps, I should instead learn to trust God more, pray... and remind myself that God knows best what to do.