Update on eating disorders...

My old blog at www.xanga.com/gentlemelody84 was originally set up in year 2004 for the purpose of facilitating my healing from eating disorders. I blogged alot on the emotional and eating struggles of bulimia/anorexia nervosa (as well as other stuff related to my medical studies in Dublin and Penang... and eventually my calling into fulltime ministry) ~ rather than what I had for each meal like some of my dear friends are doing now. It would be even more interesting if I had - but well, I did not - and yet, of course, God glorified Himself no less through my journey and whatever part of it recorded in my blog. It was also through this blog that God graciously brought many (new) friends into my life, reminded me of His faithfulness when I read my old posts, strengthened my passion to write for Him, and unknowingly blessed others... (as I found out much later.)Since I no longer live the way I did when I had eating disorders, especially in the past 2 years, I hardly talk about my struggles with food nowadays. That is because I do not want to associate myself with the illness anymore. I've been healed indeed, by God's grace. However, I still update readers from time to time about my post-ED progress and what God has been doing in my life with respect to that... just to keep myself accountable - especially to those who have been faithfully following my blog and praying for me for years, my dear family and covenant sisters. Also, I hope that by doing so, readers and friends who still struggle with eating disorders would be encouraged to persevere, find hope in God and look forward to a life, post-ED. A beautiful one, that is.

So how am I doing today? :)

Physically...

I am no longer underweight or overweight. My weight does sometimes fluctuate (like that of healthy, normal women), but I have maintained it at a good 53-54kg for a year already. I hardly have gastritis/stomach problems nowadays, because I eat so frequently (LOL) and don't binge uncontrollably on junkfood, purge or abuse laxatives like I used to do. I can't remember the last time I had an acid reflux after a meal and I don't fall sick that often anymore... which is a very good thing, because I cannot afford to keep falling sick any longer, what with the very intensive fulltime M.Div program I am currently undertaking. Whenever I do, it is due to sleep debt... rather than disordered eating patterns.

I usually eat 5-6 meals a day - 3 main meals and snacks in between. This keeps my metabolism going, curbs carb-craving with well-regulated blood glucose levels, and prevents stomach problems. I occasionally allow myself junk food and fast food. (Yaay to Mcd's and all other fast-food, MSG and all!) I exercise 3 times a week - about 30 minutes to 1 hour per session - stretches, light dancing and squats - to help me keep fit. I have yet to improve on my sleeping hours (a little bit difficult, due to work); otherwise, I am doing quite fine.

Secondary to such wonderful progress, I am so much more productive in my studies and work now, have better quality of sleep and am more confident with my body. I can smile at myself in the mirror totally comfortable with the way I look (bulges, imperfections, body shape and all), feel good about dressing-up and look forward to going out with friends...whereas I used to shy away from such gatherings for a period of time, because I did not feel comfortable eating in public.

Mentally...

I am much stronger. I no longer obsess over calories, although I sometimes panic after an eating spree... In such occasions, I'd make an effort to shift my focus to the great time spent with friends/loved ones and what God has done among us, sleep and wake up happy again. I am enjoying my food and enjoying the ability to eat without being attacked by overwhelming guilt and condemnation later. While I may be really emotional (can't help it - it's part of my melancholy nature, and I am FEMALE) and depressed at times, my self-image has improved remarkably over the years... also thanks to the encouragement from friends and loved ones. Staying close to God and knowing Him a little more each day - I continue to grow more secure in His love. It is this love that dispels all fears... and has helped me overcome my fear of food and weight issues. While I respond to Him in worship and adoration, I am slowly but surely discovering how fearfully and wonderfully He's made me - and using the very gifts He's given me to serve Him with joy. It is truly a blessed life - despite its fair share of challenges and difficulties...

To those who always affirm me... especially my dear sister, Zoey, who's been 'walking' with me through thick and thin... thank you, people. To those who have been praying, God has indeed answered many prayers! :) And lastly to those who've always lent me shoulders to cry on - I'll never forget it.

Praise God for everything.