She writes...

Joel 2:24-26 -

"The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.
I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm
My great army that I sent among you.
You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will My people be shamed."


I don't know why this word came to me today.

I was reflecting today, on the many years I have wasted struggling with my sins and eating disorders - when I could have been out there 'conquering the world' and accomplishing more meaningful things. How much I could have done with the big part of me that was lost in the last 10-12 years! While other girls my age were having a ball of a time going to parties, growing up into beautiful ladies, enjoying university life, enjoying their friendships, etc, I was isolating myself and engaging in a turbulent relationship with food, which made me do many things to harm myself - physically, spending time in the hospital or at the psychiatrist's, spending money on 'magic slimming pills' (I won't elaborate here), combing the eateries for binge food, purging, etc. It destroyed 2 of my previous relationships, it made me a stranger to many, I gave up doing the things that I used to enjoy doing...and it wasn't exactly something I would have wanted for myself either. I made a wrong, or 'fatal' (if you like) decision as a response to my many pent-up insecurities - and as a result, fell into the deep pit. Gulf, to be more exact.

While pondering on those things, I suddenly remembered this Word. Joel 2:24-26.

So far, I do know that while I've lost a chunk of the old me in the fires of EDs, I feel today that as I am looking to Him, the Lord is filling that empty void with things far more important than what I've lost physically and emotionally. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, amongst many other things. Imperfect I still am, but I am finding my joy in God increasing and I decreasing. Just as how God blessed limping Jacob (after he wrestled with God) with a new name - Israel - and the inheritance of a blessing that would definitely make up for him being lame for the rest of his life, He's given me a new meaning of life - and I hope He'd use my short-comings for His glory.

Scars don't fade so fast - some, like Israel's limp, remain with you for the rest of our lives...but while many others choose to see scars as bitter reminders of their past that ought to be grieved over, I choose to see scars as legacies of God's gracious deliverance and a symbol of His promise of that same blessing He poured over limping Israel. For me, this scar will always be sweet because it bears the fingerprints of the Lord.