Of today and April...

Today's not a very good day for some people I know... but I earnestly pray that the Lord would help them undo the knots in their ropes and give them the strength to trust Him to make all things work together for good.

I've been feeling very bogged down myself for the past month or so. (Past months or so to be more accurate). April's been a difficult one so far. It has made me dread waking up in the morning sometimes. I am detesting how unmotivated I can get at work (yes, I do!). I'm tired of hearing the word 'Care' for this moment in time. In fact, sometimes, I find CMC such a redundant post. What a misleading label to a person:P Sorry for being over-frank here - but I've been approached by various people asking me if I'm in charge of all the care-groups... and if I'm Care Min Cood because I look after the care-takers (which I do in a way, but that's not the point!) - I've been in alot of confusion.

I mean, there are so many ministries in church catered to look out for for its members, care for them and meet their needs - and they can do it the way they want, as long as they engage in it with gusto, according to God's will. Why would they need someone to co-ordinate their activities or even their visitation programmes? Such intrusion on my part - as I'm not even part of any of those ministries. Any coordination/liaising between those particular ministries and their visitation activities should be a joint pro-active initiative of the ministry leaders la. All the vague calibrations of my job scope make it so tough to focus on what I should be focusing on. I've been told to visit our homebound people, which I've been doing for months on end - and all this while I've been wondering why would a co-ordinator need to do what she is supposed to co-ordinate?:P It's daunting! Imagine this... our brain co-ordinates our arms and legs when we walk. As a result, they move according to organized sequences - right arm swings up as left leg steps forward sort of thing. But the brain isn't supposed to be doing the walking! It's the legs and arms that 'propel' the body forward.

Also, what is considered 'Ad hoc' and where do you draw the line? Or can I even draw a line?:P

Ok, perhaps I'm going to regret putting up this post someday. I apologize if I offend anyone.

But assuredly, I do love Trinity.

There's been so many lessons of patience and waiting to learn, and many more wounds of love. Really, it has taken alot of God's grace to keep me from falling into the abominable trap of self-pity.

I guess the best thing one can do when faced with a mountain is not to keep avoiding it - but to scale it by faith.

Who knows? When he conquers its peaks, would it not give him the pure delight of a tasting and seeing a whole new world over the other side of the mount? Would he not go over to the other side filled with expectant excitement of beholding a new village and a land of blessed new beginnings?

But who will give him the courage to first start climbing?

Who will spur him onwards with the assuring hope of seeing a new village and land beyond its snow-capped peaks?

Who will cheer him on in his climb up the unknown heights? Hurrah every challenge overcome and don't-give-up whenever he bites the dust? Be who Tenzing Norgay was to Edmund Hillary?

It has been a month of learning to appreciate my friends more. Thank God. I've got really neat friends, I must say. And I'd like to learn to be to them - a good and faithful friend, as each of them has been to me. I don't think I have been enough. There are still many precious lessons to be learnt, abit from everybody - how to love unselfishly and give generously. How to be kind, thoughtful and understanding. Guys, keep teaching me please.

I also want to be stronger. To not get depressed so easily. To only shed tears when I've reached the pinnacle of my struggles. To have steadfast peace and joy in my heart at all times, to carry me through every fury and storm. To be a woman of substance, filled with the boldness to pursue the things of God rather than be convinced to bend to fit into the little box the world tells me to fit in. To embrace the very essence of living for Him, even if it means having to go through what the world tells me to avoid. To have unyielding faith stronger than steel that withstands the test of time. Which endures to the very end.

How do I get there from here?

Oh well, at least I've taken my first few baby steps. Laura jie often reminds me that we don't actually need to try so hard to be strong. More importantly, we need to be humble enough to run to God when we're weak. Been spending a little more time in His Word lately - and it's been dearly refreshing. (And humbling too)

A battle is won or lost before it is fought. In the case of our trials, we've got to go forth first on our knees. When God goes with someone, there will never be defeat.

Be delivered, my friends.