Some joy in the midst of uncertainty...

Last week, I received a long-awaited email from a sister whom I've been praying for... the past few years...

You know that awe - when you realize that your prayers have been answered, and yet you are aware that those prayers were just some of the seeds God was gracious to water and grow along with the seeds sown by many others? I was filled with this awe.

I read that precious email during my transit at Schiphol Airport, Amsterdam - while waiting for the connecting flight back to KL (from London)... It came as a pleasant surprise... and I just knew that I had to answer it straightaway.

God, thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Great is Your faithfulness...

This has inspired me to continue praying faithfully for the good things I desire to happen in the lives of my friends and loved ones... O God, please help me to be faithful.

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Last but not least, I was invited to attend a jazz/opera concert organized by Jammin' Senzation Music School yesterday night (to raise money for the St. Nicholas home)...thanks to Xu Wen's generosity. I thought it was a fun and entertaining night... Some of the performances were totally mind-blowing... and I thought it was amazing that everyone did their best.

Sick... again...

Sorry for such a disgusting picture... but that is the condition of my throat and tonsils at the moment. See the ulcers, lumps and bumps???

Who am I?

Is it low self-esteem or a state of being unprepared if you look into the mirror and feel like you are a nobody... and that you do not know what to do with your life?

Tell me. Because this is the way I feel all the time. And it scares me.

It's not like I do not have gifts or talents. (Everyone is gifted in some way or another) It's not like I have no qualifications. I do know what my passions are... but I just feel that I will never be good enough to make a living out of it. For example - writing. Or there are just too many limitations. Real ones. Also do not know where to start. Thinking of this just makes me want to cry.

Then, there is also ministry. Seriously... I have no idea what I am going to do when I get married... and then I graduate... I struggle with the idea of working on weekends - and only having an off day on Monday...because I have seen and heard what this does to the marriage and family especially if you are a church-staff and your other-half is not. Additionally, having worked as a church staff for about a year before, I realized that the environment wasn't truly conducive for my productivity. (Maybe I am one of those people who are better off as 'lay' servants...)

My dream work? Working from the home. Doing the housework, cooking and looking after the kids, supporting my husband... but at the same time, writing (and earning from it - so that I won't be lazy and procrastinate), with a substantial amount of time to spend making disciples, lead Bible-study, mentoring girls with EDs and doing quiet, unnoticed ministry to my neighbors and my children's friends' mums. Doing something with music and art too, whenever possible.

Sorry if you think that's not ambitious enough. Looking at it all, I already think that I'd have my hands full... especially if I have more than one active kid to run after...

Is this possible? Sigh. I am so in need of some encouragement right now. Can anyone please help make my dreams come true?

*wishful thinking*

of cracked heels, sprained ankle... and peeling skin...

Our mission team to Elblag...

These are what I ended up with - after a whole month in Europe... no thanks to walking culture-'re'-shock, desiccating weather... and an embarrassing affair of carelessly stepping out of the Elblag Baptist Church van in the dark with my wedges on...

Thankfully the peeling skin is now well - yaay to the superb white-grape-and-aloe-vera moisturizing lotion I purchased from the Roman Bath Museum. I am still waiting for the ankle to heal... and I know I should use the cream for cracked heels... (malasnya)

Nevertheless, all good memories stay. It has been a tiring month... but I did learn alot of new things.

The end of August is approaching quickly...and thus, I enter the final quarter of 2010 and the 3rd term of the seminary year. I am in dire need of meeting up with Dr. S. Tan (my academic dean) to discuss my practicum and to look into the possibilities of graduating next year instead of 2012 (I know it's kinda impossible, but if God wills... ) - Another 2 long years of student life on top of 5 years of med school and 1.5 years of seminary are kinda undesirable to me although the equipping is good... :P - I will also need to start working on the marriage (as in our married life) soon - this has got to be a ministry by itself, I really want to serve without being bogged down by assignments... and last but not least, I desire to work. Perhaps not as a pastor (definitely feel uncomfortable if people were to call me pastor - or wear the blazer Peky joked that I would have to wear :P), although I may still be much involved in pastoral work and discipleship... but whatever that is in my heart right now... with all that God has placed in me.

This weekend, my hubby-to-be and I would be really busy with further renovation works to our apartment, a cg-member's house-warming party, banks, church duties... and as for myself, I do hope to be at least a little more productive with my assignments... *sheepish*

T.G.I.F (I have not said this on my blog for a long time now...)

Minding the renovation works in my little apartment (the men are putting up the awnings today), doing my laundry and pondering on life...

I wonder how it feels to be one of the men balancing on the edge of my windows... with the ground seven floors below... and the wind blowing through your trousers. On top of that, each man has to heave up a part of the heavy awning above his head and fix it above the level of my top horizontal window-frame...

:S It looks kinda terrifying. I'd be totally vulnerable... (Can even feel my knees a little weak and wobbly imagining myself in the men's shoes)... Do these people ever wonder about death? Or 'what if...'? I guess, if you have to do it for a living, you'd not want to think of such things... How about their wives? Would they fear for their husbands each time the men step out of their homes to put food on their tables?

It reminds me of how often I take for granted the many things I've been blessed with in life. And how often I take for granted the services I receive from others...

I want to smile more...

...at the boy who serves me my coffee everytime I visit Coffeebean...coz he always serves me my coffee with a big friendly grin on his face even though he can't speak (he's orally impaired, and communicates via sign language).

...the wonderful janitors who clean up the toilets in the shopping malls...so that we can have nice, white toilet-bowl rims to sit on (OK, at least the girls)...

End of blogging hiatus... :)

I AM BACK!!!
After Lydia and Zoey asked me about my blog this week... I decided to start blogging again after a glorious long break from it...

*Freedom!!!*

The one week spent with my sister, Zoey, in Hatfield, London, Cardiff and Bath was one of the best weeks in my life ever. I want to thank my daddy for so lovingly providing for us. Zoey was her ever adorable self... I didn't realize how much I've missed her till we had to part ways again. *Sniff*

Well, of course there were things to look forward to returning to Malaysia. Ben took a bus down to KL on Sunday, just so that he could meet me at the KLIA Airport... which I truly appreciate! :) I also received a surprise bouquet of lilies.... Sweet, sweet... He drove me up to Penang the very next day (of course after a trip to IKEA... We dropped by Pst. J's house in Ipoh too.)

Anyway...

So what has been on my mind lately? Loads.

Wedding prep (not that we've begun on that much - but at least, they are on the way, especially since Ben returned from the States...and I returned from Europe), ministry (think there has to be alot of restructuring of how I do things, priorities, etc), my assignments (yes... they are back!!!)... people and money (what's new? :P) - but it's got to be a whole new season of learning new lessons on trusting God... of reflecting on what God's grace means... of my faith being stretched... of working on my character... of growing in my relationships... of being salt and light.

Salt and light. Sometimes, we don't realize how much we're being watched. Church is just once a week... and a few more times per week, if we're serving a little more. Rather, we spend the most hours in our work-places, recreation clubs (if afforded), homes, apartment blocks, coffee-shops, shopping malls, etc. Are we living double-lives? Are we loving and giving outside the four walls of our churches? Do we work diligently in our careers? Are we nice to our non-Christian colleagues or do we join in the back-biting? Do we make the effort to serve and bless our neighbors?

Each moment of the day is an opportunity to make a difference in at least one life. I want to do that. Even with my little.

Oh yeah... I forgot - November's mission trip. After Joyce and Mel told me (today) about getting kutu (lice), sand-fly bites and the 9-hours bumpy jeep ride into the Borneo jungle...I am already getting psychological jeebles... hehe. However, I believe that it will be a good one-week's experience of ministry to the Penan Orang Asli community... so may God prepare us.

Goodbye Zoey...at least for a few months...

To my most beloved and gorgeous sister...

You will be dearly missed... See you in Malaysia!...

Love, jie.

In Hatfield and London.... to Cardiff and Bath for the next 3 days.....

Loving every moment...celebrated Li Lian's birthday today with 8 other of Zoey's friends...

I miss Ben.

It's over!!!

Now, what remains of my trip to Poland - new friendships made on earth... and shall be perfected in heaven - in due time!:)

Joining Zoey in London today!

I liked it most here - in Elblag...

Why? I mean, I spent exactly the same amount of time in the south (for JM)... and yet, I don't feel as sentimental leaving JM as I feel leaving Elblag tomorrow. *Sob*

I guess it's the people. Elblag is where I made built the most amazing relationships/friendships... with people who are real. Such a sense of belonging, I felt. Ministry was much less 'flashy' (I don't mean it in a bad way though) than during the Jesus March, when we went from town to town doing concerts and healing services... Here, in the north - we ministered alongside some brothers and sisters from the Elblag Baptist Church (some of whom I grew really close to) - got dirty painting the house of a poor family, did mimes, shared testimonies and sang songs in run-down backyards while curious (and sometimes unfriendly eyes) peered at us, talked to the people in the park in the evenings , did simple things with the orphans in their summer camp... Many times, it was much less comfortable... much more inconvenient... much more embarrassment... and sometimes, I did wonder if we had done enough... but GOD had His way indeed. There were many praise reports to share at the end of each day, our faith was stretched and I thank God so much for giving me the opportunity to meet all the wonderful people here...

I do hope I will meet my brothers and sisters in Elblag again sometime... on this side of eternity.

Last day in Elblag...

This was taken during the weekend...in Gdansk...Too many people for my liking... Blame it on the fair that was going on in Gdansk... but it was really such a pretty town.

One more day of orphanage and park ministry...before we head back to Warsaw for the remaining few days of classes at the Warsaw Baptist Seminary.

just a little reflection...

I like Poland. A lot. I only wish I could stay longer, learn Polish properly... and reach out to the people more effectively. But, I will be leaving Poland in a week's time. Maybe I will come back some day. Maybe not. If God wills...

So far I've picked up some Polish words. Enough for me to buy meds at the pharmacy (and shop). Hehe... OK, and at least I can greet a Polish person properly... and say I want to eat and sleep (sorry I have to sound so piggy...) I've got good Polish friends... and one of them thinks I grew up in Ireland... because I supposedly have an Irish accent to my English.

I don't think the Irish use "la"s and "ma"s in their English though...

It has been a trying time the past two weeks...for the team. Thank God, things are coming to a good close now.

Truly appreciate Ben for calling me almost everyday from Malaysia... Kept me sane, he did.

In Elblag...

A pretty German town... World War II began less than 100km away from here...

Ministry here starts tomorrow... *excited for once*

Some pictures from last week's ministry....Jesus MarchUs and our tracts....

One of the places we had to sleepover...for a few nights... with just one bathroom for everyone...

We slept in the basketball court/school gym.

This was breakfast in the morning...Worship with Polish bro's and sis's....

Ate some wacky food in the weekend though... this pizza slice was gigantic... it was actually about the size of my face.

Camped a few nights in the pc room of another school....

This is Jacek...a trumpet student...and an amazing jazz pianist who I got to know in the south.

And the Polish brother, who taught me many new Polish words...I don't know how to spell his name, and I better not try :P

Jocelyn, who was also in the Jesus March with us...

I miss Zhu Yan and Ruth who left after the first week at the Warsaw Baptist Seminary... yes, already.

Pic above from left to right: Zhu Yan, me, Ruth (and her French-horn), Fung Hain

...and I miss Ben Wong very much.