Who am I?

Is it low self-esteem or a state of being unprepared if you look into the mirror and feel like you are a nobody... and that you do not know what to do with your life?

Tell me. Because this is the way I feel all the time. And it scares me.

It's not like I do not have gifts or talents. (Everyone is gifted in some way or another) It's not like I have no qualifications. I do know what my passions are... but I just feel that I will never be good enough to make a living out of it. For example - writing. Or there are just too many limitations. Real ones. Also do not know where to start. Thinking of this just makes me want to cry.

Then, there is also ministry. Seriously... I have no idea what I am going to do when I get married... and then I graduate... I struggle with the idea of working on weekends - and only having an off day on Monday...because I have seen and heard what this does to the marriage and family especially if you are a church-staff and your other-half is not. Additionally, having worked as a church staff for about a year before, I realized that the environment wasn't truly conducive for my productivity. (Maybe I am one of those people who are better off as 'lay' servants...)

My dream work? Working from the home. Doing the housework, cooking and looking after the kids, supporting my husband... but at the same time, writing (and earning from it - so that I won't be lazy and procrastinate), with a substantial amount of time to spend making disciples, lead Bible-study, mentoring girls with EDs and doing quiet, unnoticed ministry to my neighbors and my children's friends' mums. Doing something with music and art too, whenever possible.

Sorry if you think that's not ambitious enough. Looking at it all, I already think that I'd have my hands full... especially if I have more than one active kid to run after...

Is this possible? Sigh. I am so in need of some encouragement right now. Can anyone please help make my dreams come true?

*wishful thinking*