Will you follow Him?

I think God is so very, very sovereign.

Whenever we think that everything in our lives is spinning out of control - we can take a step back, remember that everything fits into a much bigger picture only God can see at the moment... and know that we can trust Him - because He is more than able to make our paths straight.

In the past week, I have been worrying about stuff just like your typical control freak. Getting all panicky about what's going to happen in my life even in the next few years... where I am going to end up, etc...with that intense desire and temptation to manipulate my circumstances just so that nothing would be unexpected and I wouldn't remain in uncertainty. A preservation act of my comfort zone. LOL. Then today, Dr.Mark Terry preached a very timely sermon based on the call of Abraham in Genesis 12:1-4. I.e. when God said, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you...." then in vs 4, it is said, "So Abram went, as the Lord had told him..."

In other words, God, the loving Heavenly Father, was calling Abraham to follow and trust Him - into the unknown. God in fact, did not tell him the end at the beginning, or the destination for his quest... except that Abram would be blessed and that he would be a blessing to the nations. To quote Dr. Terry - God's blessings follow those who follow God's will.

But... are we willing to first give up all it costs us to follow Him?

For me, I bet it is my independence especially in the area of my finances for the time being. Coz this humbles me all the time and stretches my faith. Think of it - I wish I were working and earning my own monthly allowances, instead of merely depending on your kind love-gifts to support my living. I always feel bad at Christmas because I can't give pressies to people as liberally as I would have liked to... and I often have to think twice before blessing another with a meal, not because I want to be calculative - but because my monthly expenditures are tightly controlled. (Not to mention, my working friends do not allow me to pay for meals when we go out together :P) I often feel bad spending money on holidays, travels and new clothes because I keep thinking that I'd be spending someone's hard earned money on my own pleasures. :( I also have my own share of worries about where the money for the upcoming months are going to come from, whenever the amount in my bank dips low to critical point. If the ravens will feed me bread and meat. If I would ever be a burden to Ben. Etcetera. You can say, 'Woman of little faith, why did you doubt...' but anyone in my shoes will agree that it is not easy not to doubt :P I am human after all!

I have to honestly confess that I sometimes envy my friends who are working whilst I continue to study full-time after 5 years of med school. As a girly girl, I sometimes envy girls who can afford to spend money on nice clothes, shoes, bags and make-up :P As a tam-chiak person, I sometimes envy people who are able to spend so much money on food... and yet afford a gym membership. Haha.

And I honestly don't like it at all when people say, "What about your boyfriend? Why can't he support you through your studies?" I feel it's a little insensitive. After all, we are not married yet - so he can't be expected to do so... and even if we are, money doesn't come easy. He's got quite a few commitments he's gotta deal with himself, that I am already very thankful that he loves the Lord and is being so supportive about me going into fulltime ministry... even though it may possibly mean that we could be living on single income when we are married. On Penang Island, where living expenses are so high, it is no joke!

I digressed. But yeah... anyway...*sigh*. I don't like being so dependent. But, perhaps this is what I would have to give up to follow God's call. Indeed, I've gotta admit that there have been so many blessings poured upon my life, since I went to MBTS. Right, I don't have all I want... but I know God will provide me all that I need. The joy of the Lord in such a case doesn't necessarily come from what we can see - but the anticipation of what we can't see - i.e. what He's got planned out well for us - and the blessedness of being in the center of His will! :) This is the joy of the Lord that gives me strength through my trials. Romans 8:28 - He makes all things work together for good...

How about you? Is the Lord challenging you to give up something today - so that you can follow Him a little closer?