This time of the year...

I am drained.

In need of a vacation... just so that I can get out of Penang. For this reason I cannot wait for month of November to be over! God help me! :'(

Also, my Octobers and Novembers throughout the years (I realize) are often (if not always) rather difficult to get through somehow.

Last year's October-November was when I hit the lowest point in my life. When I try to remember what happened around this time last year, all I see is the darkness that overwhelms. I cried almost everyday, I had sad dreams, I always went to work with swollen eyes, my life seemed to be spiraling out of control and I was kinda a mess. It felt like being sucked into a deep black hole. I don't know what I would have done if God hadn't reassured me of His grace and love... over and over again. I also don't know what I would have done without the precious support of my loved ones... even though they did not even know half of what was going on. Haha.

I would most likely have gone insane and taken my own life.

A blog entry on 20th Nov 2008 (from my old blog) went like this:

Today, someone said something to me - which pierced me to the heart, and left me with a gaping wound deep down inside. I think something's broken too. Into many, many pieces.

God I pray that it will mend. Give me the grace to forgive and not bear grudges. Help me to still love, even while the excruciating pain lingers and grief seems unbearable. Even while I feel the crushing despair, the hopelessness of things, the betrayal and the extremely strange darkness that closes around.

I've tried. Can't do it on my own. Need God.
I've cried. So much so that there are no more tears left.

Goodnight, world.

Thank God, He helped me get through those difficult months and I experienced alot of emotional healing in the months that followed. I can truly say that I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord. I believe that His grace is sufficient for this year as well as the previous. May all things bring Him glory.