Tuesday, 24/2/2009

God is amazing...

I was a little gloomy and depressed the whole of yesterday. Ok... 'a little' is an understatement. Very gloomy and depressed was more like it.

Firstly, it was because I was not sure if my applications for MBTS had reached the place safely, since I kirim-ed the whole parcel of forms, photostated academic certs and postal order of registration fee last Tuesday. So I asked God to let me know at least, if they had received it.

Secondly, I felt like I had lost some sense of purpose for my life. Been feeling like this all throughout this transition period of 6 months...what with all my former college-mates going to do their housemanship and me not seeing myself in that at all, the time of waiting to see if I should continue with my housemanship or go straight into ftm, then of course there were some very discouraging resistance that came from sadly, some of my own church members about me going into fulltime ministry (especially the more elderly ones) - which is fair... Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions - and I understand where they were coming from...but it disturbed me whenever they tried to impose on me that I should go into housemanship, without even trying to understand my situation or offering to pray for me at least.

The hardest part about the past 6 months was to walk on without a clear vision of what life had in store for me, try to listen to God above all the voices of many others and to try convince myself that I wasn't deluded as some may have suggested I am!

I'm fully thankful for spiritual sisters and brothers, (and Pastors) who diligently kept me in prayer and greatly encouraged me especially in the past few years.

So yeah. Anyways... Everything peaked yesterday. The emotional exhaustion, etc.

God always speaks on time.

Last night, I received an email from Laura jie. (You see, once they receive my application forms, they'd email the references I had put into the form - people who'd be able to comment on my suitability for ftm, personality, spiritual gifts, involvement with church, etc. Church leaders and two close friends. I had to have 5 references) Laura bcc-ed me what she wrote, just to encourage me... So sweet of her.

I heaved a sigh of relief. For one thing, it meant that they had received my applications.

Then after I had gotten over the fear of having my application parcel get lost in the mail, I started relaxing a little, and reading her evaluation of me.

Then guess what? I started tearing and sobbing out loud in front of the PC screen, overwhelmed - because I knew it was God reminding me of many things through Laura's simple words.

I'll attach the email part (not the evaluation form) here - not because I'm proud of myself in any way - I'm not - but because it was God who'd made me adequate in Him. Without Him, I could do nothing. You must remember - that I was suffering from eating disorders all that time, back in Dublin. All glory to God alone.

"Dear Reverend,

I attach my recommendation of Grace Moo to your college. I recommend her to you with much pride and joy.

Grace is a precious, covenanted sister of mine whom I have known when she first started her medical school in the Royal College of Surgeons (Ireland). During the 2.5 years when she was there, she attended Every Nation Church with me and it was then that we developed a very close friendship. She has faithfully served in the worship team with me each week and met with all the demands with much meekness. I have attended countless leadership meetings, prayer meetings, outreach events etc. with her. She is a very lovable girl. Most of all, she has shown me sacrificial love in praying and fasting for my sick mother; and sensitivity in the spirit in giving me rhema encouragements when I needed them.

God's calling on her life is evident through her giftings and talents. I pray that she will go from strength to strength as she obediently follows Jesus.

Laura Kasenda (Wong)

Tabernacle of Christ Church (Singapore)"

Sobbed and sobbed somemore, as memories washed over me. Dearly missed Laura's mum too - who had gone to be with the Lord. And then, I felt God speak into my heart...

Grace, you remember all these things, don't you? So why give up now?