The reason behind my 'hiding'

Ben and I went out for supper with friends, Donald and Michelle yesterday night - two Malaysians who have been working in Dundee, Scotland... for many years by now. One is a cardiologist and the other, a nephrologist.

Since they are back in Penang for Chinese New Year, we decided to meet up with them. We wound up at Kayu's and sat there till about 2am. Chatting about the condition in Europe, how Ben's uni-mates are doing, our wedding preparations, etc. Of course, Donald and Michelle also had to ask me what I would do after I complete my 2nd degree this year. I won't elaborate on what I told them - but I am glad they are so supportive. They even helped me to expand my options! Praise God.

I realized something last night. The actual reason I have been avoiding high-school/college/uni reunions and such. It is not really because I am a little more introverted than I would like to think myself. More than that, I dread trying to answer questions that I do not know how to answer myself. The last time I went for one of these gatherings (Chong-En and Rach's wedding), I received many strange looks.

Most of my former PMC classmates asked me, "So where have you been posted...? (for housemanship)"

Some showed little tact... and made me feel like I had wasted a quarter of my life away and missed out on loads of beauty sleep for nothing. Haha. (No hard feelings... and I don't blame you though.)

Some were surprised but tried to be a little more tactful. "Oh... Wow, you must be having a GREAT life..." when they found out that I was still in Penang, furthering my studies... and not having to be subject to all the horrors of housemanship. Most in this category assume that I will return to clinical work after I've completed my MCS. I did not bother telling them that I actually will not. Unless you, my dear reader, happen to belong to this category - and are now reading my blog!!! :D

Some nodded their heads when I explained that I am doing a degree in theology... and refused to ask more, not knowing how to respond. They did not even proceed to ask me what I am going to do after I am done with MCS. We changed the subject and all went well. Much to my relief.

I became very quiet after a while. Was so, so, so thankful for Ee Ling, who sat by my side all the time - to keep me company while my former classmates discussed their joys and sorrows of work. She even taught me how to reply those unwelcome questions. In fact, we worked out a great template answer! LOL.

Nevertheless, at the end of the night, I was so relieved to get into Ben's car. I have never felt more left-out in my entire life. Honest.

But I still have no regrets about where I am right now. I will indeed arrive in my Promised Land! :) Because God is sovereign.

Friday tomorrow!

*Smiles in glee*

But this week has been awesome, I promise. Even though I am quite tired by now (early mornings and rather late nights) the encouragement God has given to me about my circumstances through the Book of Joshua has totally lifted up my spirit. Such a timely course to go through in possibly my last term as an active student at MBTS. Such timely words of God received into my heart.

A picture Evelyn Ong tagged me in...Brings me to remember Long Lamai...and the people who showed us so much trust and care :')

Will I ever go back there?

Christian Ethics and Book of Joshua

I've begun two new classes today. And I've gotta say... I think I already love 'em... :)

Sipping green tea and checking emails after returning home from school, lunch and a round of grocery-shopping at Tesco's. Ah, there's nothing like resting my feet against the cool slabs of floor-tiles of my humble abode, clad in a comfy set of 'home-clothes' - after a long day out. Thank God for a shelter like this - even though it isn't anywhere near grand. It is indeed decked with sentimental value, fruit of many labours of love and God's provisions.

Played piano in chapel service again today, accompanied by Winson's drumming. The touch of the smooth keys and my fingers sweeping over them filled me with awe and wonder of God. It is mesmerizing how He invented 'muscle-memory' so that the fingers of a pianist always seem to have a life of their own when poised over the keyboard - capable of the most intricate maneuvers, knowing where exactly on the keyboard to land even while one's heart worships the Almighty Creator. Although my mind couldn't focus much on the words of the hymn we sang (sometimes, so eager are we, musicians, to appreciate the music that we overlook the words of the songs ~ :P), it already sufficed for me that I could express the overflow of my heart by providing the singing-congregation musical accompaniment!

Here is the lyrics of the hymn we sang in chapel today (written by Fanny Crosby). Indeed, God be praised!

Praise Him! Praise Him! Jesus, our blessèd Redeemer!
Sing, O Earth, His wonderful love proclaim!
Hail Him! hail Him! highest archangels in glory;
Strength and honor give to His holy Name!
Like a shepherd, Jesus will guard His children,
In His arms He carries them all day long:

Refrain

Praise Him! Praise Him!
Tell of His excellent greatness.
Praise Him! Praise Him!
Ever in joyful song!

Praise Him! Praise Him! Jesus, our blessèd Redeemer!
For our sins He suffered, and bled, and died.
He our Rock, our hope of eternal salvation,
Hail Him! hail Him! Jesus the Crucified.
Sound His praises! Jesus who bore our sorrows,
Love unbounded, wonderful, deep and strong.

Refrain

Praise Him! Praise Him! Jesus, our blessèd Redeemer!
Heav’nly portals loud with hosannas ring!
Jesus, Savior, reigneth forever and ever.
Crown Him! Crown Him! Prophet, and Priest, and King!
Christ is coming! over the world victorious,
Pow’r and glory unto the Lord belong.

Refrain

You can listen a Youtube presentation of the hymn here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB27OjUFZjs

Where, O God?

Is it a land filled with heart-broken souls

or a village of the poor and oppressed

Where the rich are choked by their own riches

or among Your earnest, praying for rest?

Is it those who refuse to eat what they are fed

or those whose appetites are never satisfied?

Lord, lead me... for I know not

and can neither walk on - till You guide.

Why this CNY feels a little different for me

Chinese New Year this year feels different somehow.

Perhaps, it is because Zoey has just returned from UK - and I am still getting used to her being in Malaysia after so long. Her culture-shock, her adapting to the hot tropical weather, her new habits acquired in UK, her maturation into a young woman... and her cool stories of travelling around Europe.

Perhaps, it is because I did not collect as many ang-pows as I usually do, having only visited two families... Heeh... Of course that isn't a big deal! But sadly, I did not meet as many relatives this year as I would have liked to. And it does feel a little weird.

Perhaps, it is because my Hu-B-2-B went back to KL with me for Chinese New Year - the first time ever in history! :D (The last time he went back with me was Christmas 2009... and we weren't engaged yet.) My relatives are coming to terms with my new status as 'about-to-be-married'...so as you can imagine, there was quite some discussion going on about us, the wedding in Penang and etcetera. LOL. It was no wonder my CNY felt a little extra-ordinary...I am not used to being at the center of attention - that of my relatives too.

Perhaps, it is because I have a better self-image this year than I did last year. I no longer feel compelled to stuff my face with cookies just to prove to everyone that I am over with my eating disorders... neither do I feel that I ought to restrict myself from eating cookies or splurging on a good meal with my family. And yet I did NOT binge. Amazing huh? Praise God! :)

Back from KL... :'(

Home never felt this good before...

Zoey is back from UK...

Nice family outings...and makan sessions...

me and my dad

My sister was looking for a new phone/Maxis package...the most basic survival needs back here in Malaysia :P

Ben was tempted to get a new phone... :P

the last day in KL came too quickly...

My wonderful family... :')

My wonderful Ben... :)

Till we meet again... :'(

27 years old

A year older, I am.

Yesterday marked the first day of my twenty-eighth year on the face of this earth. The celebration this year was again simple, but meaningful. On the eve of my birthday, William, Janet, baby Christabelle, Ben and I had dinner together at the Fisherman's Wharf.

When the clock struck midnight (I was spending the night with Ben's family), I was in my room watching YouTube, unaware of the activity that had been going on outside. Suddenly, I heard sounds that made me feel like I was in the Penan village back at Long Lamai - the beautiful sounds of the hollow bamboo-case (which we had brought back from our mission trip) being hit with a bamboo stick. Except well... the rhythm of the bamboo-hitting wasn't quite Penan-ish. So tickled was I that I laughed. Opened my door to see Ben's mum grinning outside with the bamboo and all...

"Ehhh... come and see what is that..." she urged.

I did not have a clue, neither did I suspect a thing - coz I am now quite used to Ben's mum's cute-ness, humor, amusing surprises and explosions of creativity. I ran into the dim dining room very curious. Was greeted by uncountable candles (I just forgot how many) on a huge cheese cake. The Wongs sang me a birthday song... and I blew out my candles for the year! :)

The next day, I nearly forgot to wake up - was late for lunch with my dear, patient Rachel. But we did have lunch (she did not even grumble at my tardiness, bless her soul!!!) and I really enjoyed the fellowship. The evening of my birthday was spent with Ben at Eighteen's Diner... talking, laughing, eating, loving and photographing. Hehe. After that, we returned to Ben's office. I had a good time sitting in his cube, glad that I could keep him company while he finished off some work for the night.

Today, I had lunch with Joanne (totally appreciate the time we could spend together) before she left for Setiawan... and then I went shopping. Was supposed to buy myself some new clothes - but I just found it so, so hard. Not to mention, I was fickle-minded and indecisive. I only managed to buy 4 pieces of clothing by the end of the night!

Thus ends my birthday celebrations. Tomorrow, I eat lunch with Vanessa... have reunion dinner with the Wongs... and on Thursday, Ben and I will make our way to KL! :)