That space to change...

Left to right: Albert, Moses, Chris

Picture was taken during one of our breaks in between pastoral counseling classes. The guys in my class were give one another shoulder massages (awww....), performing spine-cracking stunts (literally)... and attempting to bear one another up by the elbows. A little hard to describe or explain, so I will leave it here. The girls just watched them in amazement and amusement (haha), although we were umm.... kinda apprehensive, coz the spine-cracking and elbow-lift stunts looked scaryyy....and rough.

Guys will be always guys.

I love my brothers... :)

Anyway...today's spiritual formation class under Dr. Sunny left me contemplating on how our Christian salvation transforms us.

How does it work? To quote Dr. Sunny, "We are converted when we work out our salvation in the space God has provided for us to grow and transform."

In other words, salvation in Christ is not merely a guaranteed spot in heaven, but the means of experiencing God's grace and power here on earth - in every area of our lives - so that we can truly change and live our lives to the fullest measure. And God knows that we do not transform overnight. We seldom give up sins, old emotional habits and old ways of living overnight. For this very reason, God, who knows that we are but dust, provides space for that process to happen in every area of our lives - just like how a caterpillar grows and transforms into a butterfly by being squished up into a cocoon, of which it must vigorously work to break free... Similarly as we abide in Him and in that 'space' get to know Him, experience His acceptance and love through trials and suffering, worship Him and grow in our intimacy with Him, we slowly tear ourselves away from the things that bind us - and by the power of God alone, these have to lose their grip on us - until we can choose NOT to be entangled with them anymore.

Conversion is not a moment, but a journey.

I thought of my battle with eating disorders. 10 years or more of struggling with a low self-image, self-condemnation and disordered eating patterns was a long time. When I became a Christian, I did not automatically break free from the bondages of EDs. For many more years, I still struggled to accept the fact that God loved me despite my sins, bondages, chains and shackles. But God did not meet me with condemnation, even whilst I still often lived a sucky life. Most of the time, I knew what was right and what was wrong...even though my life was often inconsistent with my values. But hey, God did not shut His ears to my prayers just because I wasn't a perfect Christian. He still comforted me when I cried out. He still provided my needs, gave me the most wonderful friends anyone could have and affirmed me through my brothers and sisters in Christ. He still drew me close into a beautiful friendship and relationship with Him - through which I experienced much grace.

That was where the miracle happened. I got busy loving Him, learning 'bout Him, building on my new friendships, serving Him, growing, etc. Gradually, disordered eating lost their grip on me. As I continued moving away - striving to eat balanced meals, stop counting calories, exercise regularly and to see myself as fearfully and wonderfully made - God continued working concomitantly in my life to strip away my old self and break the chains that had held me for so long.

I don't know when exactly I broke out of EDs... (it must have been somewhere in year 2008)... but one day, I realized that I wasn't binging or purging anymore. I wasn't counting calories or fat grams. I wasn't over-exercising. I wasn't hating myself anymore. Etc. Of course I still had my down days... but I mean gosh... can you imagine the joy of having been set free? I could choose not to binge or purge. I could choose to eat right and hold the right mindsets.

This is of course just one area in my life. I am still working on my many weaknesses by God's grace - and I know, He will complete every work He has begun in me in His perfect timing.

Having said that, friends, let us not place unrealistic expectations on our brothers and sisters in Christ with regards to their weaknesses. If God has given everyone the space to transform (including ourselves), should we play God and therefore impose our own standards on others just because we cannot tolerate their flaws?