All set

Went for my interview today at MBTS... Took a leisurely drive there, laboured up the steep slopes (I had better get used to that), parked my car, weaved cautiously past the monkeys (real ones, mind you)... They put me in the conference room... and the interview with 2 pastors began.

I felt like I was giving very well-rehearsed answers to the interviewers' questions - not because I actually rehearsed for today's interview after they rang me up yesterday. But because... just because - golly-schmolly, I've been bombarded with the same questions again and again throughout the year! From the very day I sat through the PPRC interview for my current work. I wasn't really so sure or prepared back then. (I fought tears after that interview, being so overwhelmed. Haha) But today I assuredly am. Praise the Lord. I was actually smiling and laughing, calm and composed throughout the whole interview. Pst. Ooi remarked at the very end - "I'm sure you must have had thought through this countless times!"

Of course he was right!:P I got in! I will be starting my seminary studies in June this year.

To all who've been praying, thank you! Especially to my dad. It was probably the hardest thing for him, as a parent, to cope with what I was going through. But I am so touched that he's being so supportive.

It's been a journey through the darkest yet transition of life. I felt it was even darker than the journey toward recovery from eating disorders - coz I've never felt so hopeless in my life.

I'd like to share a story. (For the few of you who've heard this one before, please bear with me).

I'll leave aside the years of many contemplations back in med school for this time!:)

Exactly a year back from today, I was staring depressedly at the MBTS application form, wondering if I'd ever get to fill it in. Didn't feel like it was the right time then - so I spoke to Pastor J, shut my ears to the confusing mob of opinions, withdrew my housemanship application forms and decided to take a long post-graduation break to pray between going back to housemanship and pursuing what I personally felt more led to.

So I started working at Trinity. But it was pretty tough working, while my heart was continually plagued by all the uncertainties. There were many voices I had to learn to shut out so that I wouldn't get discouraged. There were many frustrations I had to learn to drown. There were many people I needed to learn to smile at. And I had to learn to care (it was part of my job) even when I felt like I didn't want to. It was the most difficult thing to maintain a still, quiet heart despite such. I have to confess a little ashamedly here that I didn't do too well on my own. I can't count the times I've cried. Or been shaken. There were times I've been bitter, afraid and resentful of my circumstances. I could definitely have been more faithful. But God drew me close and I experienced His grace time and time again. Whether it was through my loved ones, my close friends, CG or His presence in time of need. He was there.

I kept asking and searching. God did speak to me through His Word, quiet time, Uncle Gim Chye and my very close Christian friends (who prayed lovingly for me through the whole ordeal), but I couldn't seem to hear Him at times. I mean, I had an idea where He was leading me... but I was just really uncertain about the timing. Many advised working in the hospital for a few years at least, for the experience - but deep down inside, I wasn't too sure about that. I just didn't know why I felt that way. I didn't feel called to work as a doctor even I had gone through med school. I just felt very foolish, that's all.

Sometime towards the end of last year, I prayed that God would speak to me by the end of December - because if it so happened that I were to go back to housemanship, I would have to start applying in January/February this year. Pastor J was very busy at that time what with his transfer to Ipoh and his studies at MBTS - therefore, I had not spoken to him about my plans since March '08. However, I prayed that God would somehow speak to me through Pastor J if it was the seminary He was leading me toward.

End of December came, and Pastor J still didn't speak. I kinda forgot 'bout it - and looked forward to Christmas (I was going back to KL after a whole long year away from home!). 4 days before Pastor J was Ipoh bound, Ben decided to take him and his family out for lunch. I tagged along of course. It was so funny, that out of nowhere, Pastor J and his wife started talking to me about going into the seminary!

Something in me snapped. (In a good way) I didn't understand how I was so sure about this - but I just knew that it had to be a confirmation from God.

The months that followed, I filled up the application forms I've kept for a year by now, looked for references, etc... and today, I had my interview....

Lord, You've been there through it all.

Friends, do keep me in prayer, please. I have yet to work on sponsorship.

Something I wrote in my blog one year back that still applies today:

Today I am afraid...
of what the future holds
But I know God takes my hand
And leads me to places yet untold...
May I keep my eyes upon Him
As a weaned child contented be...
Not to fret, not to rush,
or not to puzzle over things too wonderful for me.
Be steadfast my soul,
Be still - and wait...
Be asleep in His will like a child
The Lord is never too early nor too late...
Today I am afraid..
of what the future holds
But I know He takes my hand
And leads me along this narrow road...