2 more days...

...before we make our wedding vows before God and our honored guests.

Honestly, I would take off my hat to any couple who has gone through the major stresses of preparing for their own wedding... and GOSH, wedding coordinators as well. It is really no child's play.

When Dr. Matahari said marriage is one of the top potential sources of psychological stress any person could go through, I laughed and didn't believe him. But I lift my hands in surrender now.

Furthermore, my wedding is supposed to be quite simple and straightforward - I cannot imagine myself in the shoes of those who have to prepare for lavish dinner receptions. I'd have to take a week off before my wedding to relax... or something.

Getting married on the first day of your school holiday was supposed to be cool. But I guess, I conveniently ignored the fact that I'd be stressed out rushing for deadlines at the end of term. Hee hee. Anyway, praise God... that part is over. I've triumphed!:)

Now, I've to figure out how not to look haggard on my big day.

3 more days...

...to the celebration of our 3rd anniversary as a couple... :') ~ thank You God!


Today I'm clearing out the wardrobes and drawers... so that Ben's possessions can make themselves at home in them...

I wonder how it will be living the married life. My friends were joking at school today - it's really time for me to "take off the old self and put on the new self"... No wonder the Bible likens the relationship between Christ and His Church to a holy, divine marriage. Every Christian is called to "take of the old self and put on the new self" - to live a new life upon receiving Christ as Lord and Savior. No more to return to his/her past sins and shame, as God had paid the ultimate price for our redemption from our deadly wages. To be transformed into a new creation... citizens of a nation - Christ's bride.

Wednesday

For an assignment, I was writing about my previous ministry encounters in Dublin - when I was struck with a humbling sense of nolstalgia.

Bittersweet memories flooded in.

How my room carpet was nearly always wet when I stayed at Mercer Court during my first year - because of a mysterious leak. Then, the nice but haunted little apartment on Lower Clanbrassil Street which my housemates and I moved into during our second year. Our long and freezing cold waits for buses every morning. The one hour long bus-rides to Beaumont Hospital every day. The pungent smell of preserved cadavers in the Anatomy D.R. (They actually smelled like a kind of food I like to eat with rice - I won't care to mention what kind of food here, in case I get sued, haha - but, dissection room sessions sure never got me clammy but hungry).

Choreographing dances for International Nights. Pigeons and our fear of cryptococcal pneumonia. Our cramming sessions for important exams. The guy who pursued me for a long 3 years or so before giving up hope (of course not after I made things so difficult for him. Bad me. I sure hope he has forgiven me completely by now). My hopeless crushes (haha). Me crying my eyes out over them while seated on the black leather sofa in our living room. With Cyn trying her hardest to make me smile again.

Our birthday celebrations. Pot-blesses. Pig-outs (oh, especially on sweet-and-sour pork and fried aubergines) at the Chinese restaurant on dodgy Mall Street. Mango sorbet at the Australian Ice Cream shop. Shopping in the city center (oh yeah, my favorite!). Mark & Spencers' huge chocolate chip cookies that they don't sell here in Malaysia. Dun Laoghaire harbor. Movies at the UGC. My piano students. My neighbors (who happened to my church mates) whose apartment Cyn and I used to frequent - for good home-made food wholesome chats and to watch rented DVDs.

Church gatherings. Prayer meets. Harp and bowl sessions - major city interchurch prayer meets, which the Dublin churches take turns to host every 2 months (or was it 1 month?). Christian musical concerts in Belfast. Avoca. Galway. Innis Island. I think I must have blogged about all of them in my older blog. My caring pastors. Our ministry events. How passionate I was about church!

Also how I used to trot to church on Sundays in my high-heeled boots (I was crazy enough to wear them - 30 minutes over cobble-stone roads too!). It is no wonder I have so many feet problems today. LOL. I am pretty sure this is where all my bunions originated.

I am sobered as I remember the blissful 3 years in Dublin today. It was not an incredibly easy time. But, I was close to God. And that was all that mattered. The blessings of being in His presence were incomparable and exceedingly more than I could have imagined. I was surrounded by the best friends ever. Today, when I look back, it all seems like a long, beautiful dream that I never wanted to wake up from. But of course, a season never lasts forever. I had to move on and return to Malaysia. Many things have changed ever since. My pastor in Dublin passed away from terminal stage malignant bone marrow cancer a year or two back. I am sorry I was not in Dublin when he left. But I know I will see him someday in heaven.

A question plagues me at times. Although I try not to compare myself - past and present - because the circumstances were and are totally different, I still can't help but always wonder: Am I as close to God as I was to Him before? Perhaps, this is a season of learning to trust God's heart even when I am not so inclined to feel Him.

My memory

I thank God, my Creator, for having gifted me with a very good memory.

Now, I know that everybody is unique. Gifted with different gifts. I may not have your gift, but I have been bestowed with my own special gift so I can glorify God with it. And so, one of mine is my memory.

I remember things from as far as my first birthday... and it's probably because I am inclined to think deeply about the sensations picked up by the receptors of my sense organs, namely sight, smell, taste, hearing and touch. It is unimaginable how I am able to remember the feel of the gauze petticoat under the pink dress I wore on my first birthday - how scratchy it felt, how uncomfortably hot I was in it and how awkward the experience of my very first dress ever. Or when you tell me, "Think of what you did in Year XXXX", I'd be able to draw from the archives of my memory - and tell you some of the experiences I recall from that particular year. Perhaps it's also because my dad happened to be an avid and sentimental photographer (like some of my friends today: Tairven, Matthew Yap, Ben, etc) - and he took dozens of pics each year and throughout every milestone of his kids. I used to look at them quite often. They must have reinforced and etched the memories in my mind, as if set in stone! Perhaps, this is where I picked up the habit of remembering events and details as part of pictures, scenes and snapshots. Of course, the memories go beyond pictures - emotions, sensations, dreams and thoughts are connected too. Pleasant and unpleasant. They all come in a package.

Of course, having a good memory comes with many benefits, for which I am ever grateful to the Lord. I did (and still do) well in academics because I was good at memorizing and remembering the lessons I learned - of what worked and what did not work. I also have a rather photographic memory - whereby I'd be able to remember how the pages with the answers look - and when I am stuck in a spot, I'd attempt to pick the details off the pages where the answers are found. I am a good performer because I easily recall the effect of tried and tested methods on my audience (whether my examiners back in med school, music, etc). Furthermore, I easily learn from watching performers whom I greatly esteem - I remember what they did, how they did it... and then I'd innovate and personalize the whole combination of their methods. Also, I used to hardly mark down datelines/anniversaries on calendars - because each and everyone of them somehow sticks in my head. Also, it means I remember God's blessings in the past - and therefore have the faith to trust God to deliver me in the present.

The only thing I never seem to recall or remember - is what happens on the roads when I am driving. Believe me, you can offend me on the road - and unless it was a serious offense (like you banged my car or something), I can never remember you did it by the end of my journey. I'd only recall general things like, "Oh, it was a bad traffic jam..." or "Penang drivers are reckless..." (sorry Penang peeps!) Then I'd happily forget about the whole incident. But perhaps, that's because because I am too busy dreaming and thinking about other things whilst driving. I have sometimes arrived at my destination without having any recollection of how I drove there!!! Perhaps, my mind splits when I do so - one part almost unconsciously but intelligibly directs my driving - and the other part consciously dreams! :P Something like that.

God calls us to be good stewards of the gifts He has given us. This means that it is possible for us to be bad stewards. It is good to search ourselves honestly.

When I am a bad steward of my gift of good memory,

• I tend to dwell too much on the past. And throw myself pity-parties for stuff which have already happened and have been resolved ages ago. Or I blame myself for mistakes.
  
• I tend to bear grudges and harbor bitterness/resentment toward those who have offended me. And then, I find it so difficult to forgive and love.
  
• Relying too much on my memory keeps me from being creative in the present and finding new solutions for problems.
• I sometimes gloat and feel superior over those who do not recall as much. (Poor Ben...) Then I'd bring up (in glee) stuff like, "Do you remember the day you first spoke to me? The very words you spoke?" (I admit that this can be fun!:P It can be good when I use it the right way)
  

What are your God-given gifts? Are you being a good steward of them?

Twelve most important things/events to me in year 2010

Some late-bloomer I am. Nevertheless, to pace and brace myself for what this year will bring, I was inspired by Pst. Richard to reflect on the twelve most important things to me in year 2010... So here goes my list - from the most recent - back...

1. CHRISTMAS 2010

This year's Christmas was meaningful to me because I felt very challenged to recommit my life to walking closely to God.

Christmas dinner with extended CG members

2. BRIDAL PHOTOSHOOT NO. 1

It was memorable because it happened 3 days after I came back from my mission trip - itching from sand-fly and mosquito bites... It was also our first photoshoot together ever... an interesting experience that brought Ben and I much closer to one another. The photos are gonna remain top secret for a while more... I will keep them for another post someday! :)


3. LONG LAMAI (SARAWAK) MISSION TRIP










An awesome trip indeed... Made new friends, saw God's hand at work among the Penans, had the privilege of serving God with my life...

4. LYDIA'S VISIT TO PENANG

Gosh, thanks for being such an encouragement to me, dear!

5. SINGAPORE TRIP NO. 2 - SEPTEMBER 2010

Was invited to attend a women's conference organized by the women's ministry of Grace Baptist Church, Singapore. Amazing time.

Had dinner with Natalie :)

Met up with Laura jie and Ewan... and their new born baby - Hannah Grace

6. IN LONDON, CARDIFF AND BATH WITH ZOEY

One of the best vacations ever... and it was wonderful to spend a week with my dear lil' sister in UK.

Had a lot of bonding time...

7. ETOP (POLAND MISSION TRIP)

The locations we were at...

Studied for one-and-a-half weeks... at the Warsaw Baptist Theological Seminary...

To the South

To the north

8. BEN'S U.S TRIP AND OUR 3 MONTHS APART (which seemed like forever)

Sending him off was the hardest thing to do... :S

... but thank God, He made our 3 months apart colorful. On my side....

...an old friend from Dublin, Maeve, came to visit me in Penang...a high-school mate, Leigh Lyn, came to visit...School went on as usual...I continued teaching piano to pass time... (also because I wanted to teach la!)My faithful Sunday after-church-lunch buddies... Louise and Wei Nin... both of them later graduated from med school and left for Sarawak *sobs*

Went out a little more with Sau Chan

Got bored during the long nights... therefore I fixed up a computer desk from Tescos all by myself. Made up my mind by the end of 3 hours of sweat and blood (literally) that I am not cut out to be a good carpenter... :P - but thankfully, the desk did get put together......and wonderful friends to bring me joy...

9. HE PROPOSED! I AGREED TO MARRY HIM

This happened right before he left for the States...

10. SINGAPORE TRIP NO. 1 - JUNE 2010

Another superb vacation.... met up with alot of people... and stayed in Ji's little room as usual...Above: Serena and I

Had lunch with Aunty May Ling, who is very much a spiritual mother to me...

Above: Ji - in Chinatown.../ Below: Valerie, Sophia and I

11. EASTER WEEKEND BAPTISM FOR BEN'S PARENTS AND BRO

Indeed, in God, all things are possible.

12. EFCC CONFERENCE

It was a very educational conference for me, with regards to serving God in Malaysia, missions, impacting the community and cities, etc. Broadened my perspectives it did. Also, it was my first time writing a conference theme song. Praise God for inspiration of lyrics and music.