Stuck....

I feel like Joseph in the prison.

How long more, O God? How long?

Came across Psalm 16 today and made it my prayer.

^"1 Keep me safe, my God, for in You I take refuge.

² I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
apart from You I have no good thing.”
³ I say of the holy people who are in the land,
“They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”
⁴ Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.
I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods
or take up their names on my lips.

⁵ LORD, You alone are my portion and my cup;
You make my lot secure.
⁶ The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
⁷ I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
⁸ I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
¹⁰ because You will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will You let your faithful one see decay.
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
You will fill me with joy in Your presence,
with eternal pleasures at Your right hand."

Went to sleep last night with a heart beating fast and my emotions running high. Today, I just didn't feel like waking up and facing the new day. Oh, you have no idea how thankful I was that my covenant sister, Ji, phoned me in the evening and spoke into my life. (I am praying that God would be merciful and gracious to bring me a little closer to Ji and Laura somehow...)

Ever since I graduated from med school and remained in Penang, I have been often very, very lonely.... It would be very ungrateful of me to say that I don't have good friends here... in fact, God has blessed me with many awesome ones. Both from church and the seminary. However, I guess it's because Ji and I went through an exceptionally difficult time together (for the both of us) back in PMC, we kinda gelled from there... and therefore, we have been quite inseparable as friends and sisters. When she graduated from PMC (she's my one-year senior, btw) and began working in Singapore, I missed her terribly. One of my greatest joys in life is visiting her in Singapore and gleaning encouragement + inspiration from our sessions of praying together as well as tagging along with her in youth ministry. It is very easy for us to open up to one another, without putting on any masks. We have both seen each other's ugly sides and I've bawled many tears in front of her. It is therefore no wonder I felt so incredibly, incandescently happy when she called today.

Wrote out the "Take, O Take Me as I am" music score for Dr. Matahari as he requested. Was somehow touched by the words of the simple hymn.

"Take, O take me as I am, Summon out what I shall be; Set Your seal upon my heart... and live in me." Beautiful.

Thursday

Yesterday evening, I had dinner with my dear sister and friend, Rachel Chan. Dinners with her are becoming more of a regular thing now. We were from the same PCC cell group, back in my university days. Later, I chose to join a cell group in the church I serve in (Trinity Methodist Church Penang) thanks to my now-fiance's kind invitation - but Rachel and I continued to keep in touch and occasionally go out for dinner together. Other than a common desire to be godly and God-fearing, we also share a passion for good reads - so we've always exchanged books (and as for me, I've been reading books off her mum's book shelf too). In the past 3 years, both of us have been facing our own difficulties and hardships. Many similar ones too. However, we could find comfort confiding in one another and were strengthened by each other's prayers - so we believe that God placed us in one another's lives for an incredible reason! Because Rachel has been such an awesome friend, I am making her the pianist for my wedding march-in in May.

Anyway...


I am trying on my wedding gown this evening.

TOCT conference is right after school tomorrow and the Projek Harap Fund-raising Dinner is tomorrow night - when I will be dressed in a Kebaya, smiling brightly at the guests as an usher. Haha. *Geeky look*

So bloated for the past few days. Especially my tummy. I have no idea why. In fact, I feel like I am pregnant. LOLx.

Of course I am not.

Random thought - I need a hair makeover. But at the moment, I will have to be content - till our expenditures are not quite as heavy. I did tell a few of my friends that I'll butcher my hair SHORT after I get married... but now, I am changing my mind a little on the short part. Hm, we shall see.

Have to get back to my many assignments. I am so screwed with regards to time management. I feel like it's alot of "fire-fighting" lately - dealing with urgent stuff and not the less urgent but as important stuff. Really need God's help in this.

Weekend

Ben, Sau Chan, Suan Hui and I had dinner at Isshin (Autocity) on Saturday... Also it was a mini birthday celebration for Suan Hui. Here is the handsome brother. :D



Then of course, my darling little sister, Zoey, was up in Penang for the weekend to try on her brides-maid dress and also to chill with me for 3 nights, 4 days... before starting work this Friday. (Yes, God blessed her with the job she wanted!) I am so glad that she seemed so at home in my little flat... and that she had the opportunity to indulge in my library of books.


I've been eating ALOT for the past few days she was here. Elaborate Western breakfast at Batu Feringghi, laksa in Balik Pulau...then Ben's family belanja-ed us a huge dinner at Song River... etc. Feeling a little tubby already. @_@' What's more I have to look for a wedding dress this Friday.

Just sent Zoey off. Miss her presence in my house already... *sniff*

Friday...

Beginning of busy weekend. And school reopens in a few days time.

One week of break is not enough! I haven't even completed one assignment. My problem is... I am a perfectionist. I tried to break out of that, but it has not succeeded yet, because I can hardly bear not to develop every bit of detail to its fullest. And yes, I am nearly always unsatisfied with my work somehow. There is always room for improvement. Sigh... I don't know. It's got to be a journey of undoing and unlearning. Gotta manage my time better too. And stop, stop, stop... for goodness sake... eating my fingers raw!!! :S

Bad habits.

Anyway... I had an early dinner with Nellie at Station One cafe yesterday evening. The food was so-so. (According to Ben, the Malaysian dishes are nicer than Western) In fact, I thought the pizza's base tasted too biscuity. We yakked for 2.5 hours. After dinner, I went out with Ben pula... We had really nice taufu-fah at Taman Pekaka. And then because I was peckish, I broke open a pack of potato chips back home and feasted on them, whilst watching Burlesque. I liked it, even though it was a little raunchy (that's solely my opinion lah!) - because of its artistic bent. (And I've always admired Christian Aguilera for her powerful voice somehow.)

Hm, gotta go answer some emails...and then go back to my Christian Ethics assignments. Rawwrrrr!!!!!

The reason behind my 'hiding'

Ben and I went out for supper with friends, Donald and Michelle yesterday night - two Malaysians who have been working in Dundee, Scotland... for many years by now. One is a cardiologist and the other, a nephrologist.

Since they are back in Penang for Chinese New Year, we decided to meet up with them. We wound up at Kayu's and sat there till about 2am. Chatting about the condition in Europe, how Ben's uni-mates are doing, our wedding preparations, etc. Of course, Donald and Michelle also had to ask me what I would do after I complete my 2nd degree this year. I won't elaborate on what I told them - but I am glad they are so supportive. They even helped me to expand my options! Praise God.

I realized something last night. The actual reason I have been avoiding high-school/college/uni reunions and such. It is not really because I am a little more introverted than I would like to think myself. More than that, I dread trying to answer questions that I do not know how to answer myself. The last time I went for one of these gatherings (Chong-En and Rach's wedding), I received many strange looks.

Most of my former PMC classmates asked me, "So where have you been posted...? (for housemanship)"

Some showed little tact... and made me feel like I had wasted a quarter of my life away and missed out on loads of beauty sleep for nothing. Haha. (No hard feelings... and I don't blame you though.)

Some were surprised but tried to be a little more tactful. "Oh... Wow, you must be having a GREAT life..." when they found out that I was still in Penang, furthering my studies... and not having to be subject to all the horrors of housemanship. Most in this category assume that I will return to clinical work after I've completed my MCS. I did not bother telling them that I actually will not. Unless you, my dear reader, happen to belong to this category - and are now reading my blog!!! :D

Some nodded their heads when I explained that I am doing a degree in theology... and refused to ask more, not knowing how to respond. They did not even proceed to ask me what I am going to do after I am done with MCS. We changed the subject and all went well. Much to my relief.

I became very quiet after a while. Was so, so, so thankful for Ee Ling, who sat by my side all the time - to keep me company while my former classmates discussed their joys and sorrows of work. She even taught me how to reply those unwelcome questions. In fact, we worked out a great template answer! LOL.

Nevertheless, at the end of the night, I was so relieved to get into Ben's car. I have never felt more left-out in my entire life. Honest.

But I still have no regrets about where I am right now. I will indeed arrive in my Promised Land! :) Because God is sovereign.

27 years old

A year older, I am.

Yesterday marked the first day of my twenty-eighth year on the face of this earth. The celebration this year was again simple, but meaningful. On the eve of my birthday, William, Janet, baby Christabelle, Ben and I had dinner together at the Fisherman's Wharf.

When the clock struck midnight (I was spending the night with Ben's family), I was in my room watching YouTube, unaware of the activity that had been going on outside. Suddenly, I heard sounds that made me feel like I was in the Penan village back at Long Lamai - the beautiful sounds of the hollow bamboo-case (which we had brought back from our mission trip) being hit with a bamboo stick. Except well... the rhythm of the bamboo-hitting wasn't quite Penan-ish. So tickled was I that I laughed. Opened my door to see Ben's mum grinning outside with the bamboo and all...

"Ehhh... come and see what is that..." she urged.

I did not have a clue, neither did I suspect a thing - coz I am now quite used to Ben's mum's cute-ness, humor, amusing surprises and explosions of creativity. I ran into the dim dining room very curious. Was greeted by uncountable candles (I just forgot how many) on a huge cheese cake. The Wongs sang me a birthday song... and I blew out my candles for the year! :)

The next day, I nearly forgot to wake up - was late for lunch with my dear, patient Rachel. But we did have lunch (she did not even grumble at my tardiness, bless her soul!!!) and I really enjoyed the fellowship. The evening of my birthday was spent with Ben at Eighteen's Diner... talking, laughing, eating, loving and photographing. Hehe. After that, we returned to Ben's office. I had a good time sitting in his cube, glad that I could keep him company while he finished off some work for the night.

Today, I had lunch with Joanne (totally appreciate the time we could spend together) before she left for Setiawan... and then I went shopping. Was supposed to buy myself some new clothes - but I just found it so, so hard. Not to mention, I was fickle-minded and indecisive. I only managed to buy 4 pieces of clothing by the end of the night!

Thus ends my birthday celebrations. Tomorrow, I eat lunch with Vanessa... have reunion dinner with the Wongs... and on Thursday, Ben and I will make our way to KL! :)

Saturday

Road-trip! - around the western coast of Penang.

Road-trip kaki no. 1 - Suan Hui

Road-trip kaki no. 2 - I mean below... Mr. Ben Wong

(FYI: It is not your imagination that two veins are popping out of my forehead. I am not even sure why. Recently, when I smile in pictures, those two veins grin at the camera too. Maybe the skin over my forehead is thinning.)

More pictures to be posted, as soon as Ben uploads the pictures he took with his DSLR!

The weather was gorgeous. Usually, when we go around the Balik Pulau side of the island on a Saturday afternoon, the sun is burning hot. Yesterday however, we were blessed with cool winds and some clouds to hide the sun a bit without clouding out too much sunshine. We started out with laksa and hokkien mee... went up to the fruit farm for fresh juices... took Suan Hui to visit the Tlk Bahang dam and beach, jetty going out to Pantai Kerachut/Monkey Beach, my seminary (MBTS)... and wound up at Gurney Drive for dinner. It was overall a very relaxed afternoon. I enjoyed the guys' fellowship very much.

Wednesday

Had breakfast with Ai Hua this morning. What a great catch-up session - what grace God unleashes through amazing friendships like this one! We are relational beings indeed. Can anyone survive without the staple of human fellowship and relationships? Even God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Love... expressed and received... is the elixir of life. It brings out the best in you and me. Love never fails.

Anyway...

I believe that the winter season of my life has passed away into spring. From a cold, stifling silence into a comforting serenity - the quiet in my heart has turned. From trudging in knee-high snow and the uncertain shuffling - my steps are breaking into Chassés. I feel that I have grown stronger... and yet, I have grown less. May Christ keep increasing.

Balik Pulau with our friends

The Kongs...and Kong Jr. who is 10 months old

Delicious Laksa at this very isolated place... which Ben's dad recommended some time ago

Kong Jr. and Tee (Ern Jie) Jr.

So wanna pinch his cheeks... so cute.

Kong Jr. : "I want what you are playing with..." (plastic, moving catterpillar)

Tee Jr.: "Mummy, he wants my toys..."

Tee Jr. : "He took my caterpillar... thankfully, he hasn't discovered my ball yet..."

Wai Lim and Kong Jr.

A few more pics from Dari Cafe

...where we celebrated Serena's birthday.

Fuiyoh...look at my triceps! :P

Ai Hua and I...

A Monday of a Different Kind

I usually spend my Mondays brooding alone.... Hehe. Introverts often find it refreshing to spend time alone.

Today was a little different. First, I had an impromptu invitation to a birthday celebration lunch for one of my seminary mates, Serena. Secondly, I received the news that my bro-in-law, James, had been admitted to hospital for a bad ear infection. Last but not least, one of Ben's uncles (we know him as "char kuey teow" uncle, because he is the owner of the best char kuey teow stall at Gurney Drive) passed away last night.

So yeah, I went for Serena's birthday lunch - it turned out to be a very good time. Went home later, did some wedding prep, went to the hospital to visit our James Wong (who was dying of boredom) with the rest of the Wong family and Xu Wen (the girlfriend)... and then Ben sent me home before going for his uncle's wake.

Anyway, the pictures I took at Serena's birthday luncheon are as follows (more pictures from Tracy's and Serena's camera soon):Tracy from China

Tracy and our birthday girl, Serena

Ai Hua and Matthew - the newly engaged couple! :)

David from China

@ Dari Cafe... Korean food. Not bad! :)

My bibimbap

Hmm, how many candles should we put on the cake?

Happy birthday, Serena!

Time to pray for the birthday girl :) - with Matthew leading

Yummy chocolate cake

Seminarian steamboat gathering photos... Courtesy of Pamelyn Teh