Thursday

Too distracted to write about the Orang Asli and history of Christian mission among them.

My work did not progress much today... It did yesterday though, in leaps and bounds - and therefore I still should give thanks...

Also, I did not call off XW's piano class... I am so proud of myself. I still think that I am not really cut out to be a teacher - whether one who teaches piano or English.

Ben did have the breakthrough he needed in his work. PRAISE GOD! Thanks so much for the loving prayers, peeps! God has been faithful and gracious.

Dined with sister, Yvonne - at Bella Italia, Pulau Tikus. I enjoyed everything. From the food, the fellowship, the chit-chat, the catch-up...and best of all, the meal was a blessing from Yvonne...so I could relax (hehe) and enjoy all of the above without worrying about my wallet growing slimmer...

Fitness Friday...

Had a nice birthday celebration for Ben's dad last night - at Song River, along Gurney Drive. We ate loads! The sambal sting-ray was the best... me love! :) *Slurp* After dinner, Ben and I went on a spontaneous movie-date... We watched 'Takers' at Prangin Mall with popcorn.

Today, I went gym-ing and swimming at RH's. It was awesome. I didn't do too heavy stuff - just perhaps 25 minutes plus on the elliptical trainer (which was a major achievement for me! Usually I get so sien that I get off before 20 minutes are up! Hee hee...), some stretching, lat pulls and toning with light-weights... After about 40-45 minutes in the gym, I went for a dip in the pool... swam about 30 laps... and then retired with happy sighs. Rewarded myself with a yummy-licious, generous serving of chicken pie for lunch (I did consider Mcdonald's...but I thought I'd have it sometime this weekend instead)...

Confession: I love pastries...

Yeah, in case you were wondering - what's up with my sudden fitness fanaticism - since my school hols began this week, I have been trying to increase my stamina for mission trip among other stuff... Swimming on alternate days (45 mins to an hour per session) - and today, I added a session at the gym.

I was reminded of something: I will probably never go back to fad diets after this... For me, keeping trim is not a matter of cutting out foods and keeping to a 'safe list' like some weight-loss specialists recommend (FYI: Safe foods are great - definitely eat more vegies and fruits by all means, but if I have nothing but safe foods or health-foods, I'd probably go on some 'unsafe' food rampage after at most, 2 weeks of such efforts! Eating safe-foods will probably never become a lifestyle...) - but having everything in moderation and exercising regularly. (I said, regularly - not excessively! 3-4 times a week, 30-45 minutes per session should be great) It is not about missing out on birthday parties and social events just so that you are able to skimp on the calories... It is not about consuming so little calories per day that you drag through the day feeling fatigued and mentally exhausted from malnutrition... It is not about having just oats for dinner at night (unless you are a donkey/horse/rabbit!) And it is certainly not about trying to burn off every calorie you've consumed by the end of the day.

Everything in moderation. Watch your portions but don't over-do it. Be healthy.

I know, I know... I sound like a goodie-goodie two shoes... *cringe* But I've gone through every kind of diet and I've had my days obsessing over the calories - but still, the conventional way works best, long-term. My body tells me when I've consumed enough calories for the day, I don't count 'em anymore. Sometimes, I am aware that I've gone over my limits - but I don't fuss over it like I used to do... I'd just be a little wiser the next time. Yes, and I never go to sleep worrying about food nowadays! :)

Going out for mamak midnight suppers once in a while is still OK. Just don't do it everyday.

Eating potato chips at midnight while watching a movie once in a while is still OK. Just don't do it everyday.

Having a spontaneous ice-cream cone from Mcd's (after CG/ MLM at church) once in a while is still OK. Just don't do it every night.

Get moving. It keeps your metabolism up and gives you endorphins.

Eat substantial, nutritious meals... so that you don't feel hungry in between meals - and start snacking on anything you can get your hands on. I try to eat between 3-5 meals a day (including my afternoon tea)...

10 more days to mission trip.

Friday...Term break begins....

...but our assignments have not ended.

With Ben at the Church Leaders' Planning Retreat... I had the whole evening to myself.

Now, I know... when we were in different continents a few months ago, it was quite normal for me to spend my Friday evenings alone. I can't even remember what I did on Fridays... Perhaps, I'd hang out with my friends or catch a movie on my own. Usually, I am able to keep myself occupied some way. (This sometimes makes me feel like a cat - all cool and independent, watchful and unruffled...tee hee!!!)Today, I just did not know what to do with the sudden absence of Ben on a Friday night. I guess I have been too busy the past few days to plan. Everywhere was way too crowded, thanks to the public holiday... I had already gotten myself stuck in a few traffic jams... Queensbay Mall was absolutely swarming with excited shoppers and movie-goers... (Yes, I was there for some errands)... *Phew* I ended up having dinner alone, and returning to my cave...where I could rest in peace.

Yeah... feeling all anti-social and snappy at the many reckless drivers on the road too. Grrrr... Why can't some people just keep to their own lanes... why drive in between two lanes? And why suddenly move to a different lane without signaling while I am charging forward with my foot down on the accelerator? Do you know it's rude, annoying and dangerous? *Honks loudly* @_@ ~ Aihhh.....

Today was just one of those awfully weird days in history. I didn't even feel like shopping. To say nothing of continuing with my assignments...

So burnt out!!! >.<

It doesn't help that the training for Penan M.T starts tomorrow. Really, I am so grateful that I have Uncle Roland (a seminary classmate) from Sarawak to advise me on how I should prepare for the trip. He even offered to lend me a mosquito nets and a sarong! And of course...thanks to Mel Choong and Joycelyn who helped brief me about the conditions there... I am so getting ready my kutu shampoo, mosquito repellants/nets... and haha, motion sickness pills. I honestly feel apprehensive about the hiking with 7 kg backpack for 2 hours... Hopefully, it's not uphill. Ben and I don't have very strong lungs. He's not yet recovered from his acute exacerbation of bronchitis/ - and I am having an acute exacerbation of asthma secondary to a respiratory tract infection. How timely! :P No, I am not kidding.

Plus, the last time I climbed up Youth Park hill (in 2007 - yes, phobia already...) I nearly fainted from dyspnoea... :P After the vigorous exercise and a few puffs from my Salbutamol inhaler, I descended the hill with wobbly legs. It was so embarrassing. I never went up there again.

So please cheer me on in my quest to increase my fitness and stamina by the 23rd of November.

Past few days... I have been both nearly conned by manipulative business people who prey on my vulnerabilities and weaknesses... But thank God, there was an opportunity to minister to at least one stranger person this week, again in the most unlikely places.

Something my student said...

Me: What would you do if you were walking along the road one day...and you found someone's wallet lying on the ground?

Student (trying to hide her grin) : I would go shopping and fly back to Korea.

*Faints*

Hahahahaha!!! Oh well, it was an English lesson... and not a moral lesson...
I will surely miss moments like this one someday...

Weekend...

Friday: (ignore the weird smile on my face) - had Western Food at Fettes Park with my most favorite person... My verdict? GOOD FOOD. Awesome time of fellowship too. Ben and I wound up in Gurney Plaza after dinner... to watch Battle of the Assassins... I liked the movie very much.

Saturday: Worship practice in the morning with Peky and the team, lunched at Swatow Lane, had intense preparation for Bible Study in the afternoon (for Ben)...I did some of my assignments...

Sunday: This was me grinning in between 2nd service and 3rd service. It was a very busy day. I was serving in both services...and Ben in the 3rd service.

My poor dear... he was sick...Awww. Saw the doctor on Saturday night, after Bible-study (which he did a great job on btw! Praise God for all wisdom and guidance... and his dedication to serve the King of kings... Really inspired me...) and supper. Practically dragged himself home after that with chills and body-aches... :( So glad he was better after a good night's sleep... and he did not have to look for someone to take his place for duties in the 3rd service.

Friday

This was the end of an extremely tiring day... thankful for dinner with Ben.

This was the very stress-inducing atmosphere in my classroom tthat day...

Everyone was studying (yeah, like majorly studying) for exam. I was not stressed because there was alot to memorize... but because everyone around me was stressed! :/

OK, maybe some people were taking a nap during lunch break...

But most people were working hard...

After the exam... me, Gaurri and Serena.

I look positively 'charn'

Writer's block

RANDOM: A pic of Ai Hua and I before I left for Poland...

Tomorrow is FRIDAY. Already! *majorly stressed*

The stress is giving me a writer's...or blogger's block. After writing my reflection for today's theology class, my brain now feels like it has been drained of its blogophilic juices.

Brutal. I kept yawning and falling asleep in class too.

Well, let me share a random conversation in between my beloved and I yesterday evening...

Me: Happy mooncake festival, dear!
Ben: Huh? Are you saying that I am a mooncake?
Me: Why? *puzzled look*
Ben: You wish someone Happy Chinese New Year if he is Chinese... so if you wish me Happy mooncake festival, I must be a mooncake la...
Me: @_@'

Mid-Autumn Festival. It reminds me of lanturn parades, paper tang-lungs, yummy mooncakes and the big, round moon. This year, I spent my Mid-Autumn Festival eating South Indian food and drinking iced milo at Raffe's mamak stall at Pulau Tikus - with Ben. Nothing very Chinese-y. I guess, we are just not very traditional when it's just the two of us. Hopefully, when our kids come running about, we will repent a little :P

And what about mooncakes, you ask... Well, Ben's mum gave me 2 mooncakes last week... I chopped them into 4 each...and had a quarter almost every day. Today, I am officially tired of mooncake and am looking forward to finishing the last quarter tomorrow.

The perks of today...

1. Waving to a neighbor in the car-park of my flat... coz he graciously reversed his car and made way, so that I could drive my car out of the narrow exit. One thing I like about my block... the Malays, Indians and Chinese are usually nice to one another. There's something sweet and beautiful about unity in diversity. Ultimately, it reflects the nature and pattern of the Triune God...as well as His pattern. For example:

....so God created human beings in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them... (Gen 1:27)
....for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh... (Gen 2:24)
....Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ...Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it... (1 Cor 12:12-27)

The Bible affirms us, "How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity....For there, the LORD bestows His blessing, even life forevermore." (see Ps 133:1-3)

2. Marveling on how entering the W.C heightens one's urgency to pee (of course, one must have had the urge to pee in the first place - to be entering the bathroom!) - unless it's really too dirty, then the body seems to protest and have the opposite reaction... The sights and smells in our environment do play important roles in stimulating our brain to elicit through the most complex pathways, the most genius involuntary or voluntary responses... Furthermore, it is awesome how a simple action like peeing can serve as an indicator of our body fluid and electrolyte balance, hydration status and even our endocrine function....amongst many other bodily functions.

Indeed, we are fearfully and wonderfully made; masterpieces of an eternal, infinite God.

3. Replying all the emails that have been accumulating in my Gmail inbox for the past 2 weeks or so... *Victory* ...while chatting to Lydia.

Anyway...before I return to my scores-of-assignments...let me share a part of the passage I read today:

'But when anyone turns to the LORD, the veil is taken away. Now the LORD is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the LORD's glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the LORD, who is the Spirit.' (2 Cor 2:16-18)

note: the veil = the veil that prevented the people from seeing God's glory in the Old Covenant

For very long, even after I became a Christian, I did not understand what it meant to be 'unveiled' and its implications.

For example, I remained in my eating disorders even though I was one with an 'unveiled face'...because rather than contemplating on God's glory, I obsessed over my imperfections...over and over again...and saw no hope. Because I felt that I needed to do something about my imperfections, I engaged in the vicious cycles of binge and purge, or restricted my food consumption. It was only when I learned to delight in who God is, His magnificence, His goodness, His beauty, His works, His redemption and most of all, His love, I found myself compelled to deny myself and follow Him...

...This was also when I realized that I wanted to stop hurting myself, stop trying to be somebody the world covets, to love my body and take care of myself well, that I can serve Him. That His purposes for my life would be fulfilled. That I would be able to present to my husband and children the gift and benefits of my health. That I would be able to live long enough to see all my passions, talents and gifts produce fruits that would please my Creator.Indeed, Ps 37:4 is correct when it claims, "Take delight in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart..."

I am being released day by day into life in abundance. It's still a long journey ahead.Where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom. May this truth keep propelling me forward. Maranatha. This I pray, for those who are still looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Pics of my successful table-constructing...

The box of wood and tools after I brought it home and before I opened it up...

This was when I started to have doubts... right after I saw the wood and the screws, nuts, etc...

I found Uncle Wong's old hammer lying around in the store-room and decided that it would be a good help...

After 3 hours...

After 2 more hours (I think)...

Loads of projects...

...are keeping me up till 2 am everyday. @_@

It's time to wrap up and call it a day. Thursday has arrived. One more day before T.G.I.F and WAM retreat 2010!Good night, world!

Wednesday

Headache...

Actually it started with me trying my best to keep awake in class. I was so, so zombified this morning, the air-con was so chilly and our lecturer's voice seemed so umm... soothing - that it could have lulled me to sleep. (Think Rock-a-bye-baby...)

It didn't help that Winson Chee kept nodding on and on beside me. While that guy has a 'gift' for falling asleep (sometimes unnoticed) and yet maintaining his very-natural-posture in such a way that you'd never think he was asleep if not for his shut eyes and occasional nods (in fact he always looks like he's bowing his head in prayer), I have not such an advantage. I'd either do dramatic clockwise and anti-clockwise rolls of the head that would annoy the heck out of any lecturer (I bet!) or fall out of my seat into the aisle - if I ever happen to doze off in an upright position. So brutal...

You can thus imagine why it is necessary for me to work hard to keep awake. I've had enough of embarrassing myself back in med school. Last time, we had about 200 students in one auditorium. This time it's less than 20. No more a small fish in the big ocean! :P

The result of me forcing open my eyelids when they would have been better off shut = headache.

Anyway...

This afternoon, I came across 1 Cor 15:58 during QT that goes: "Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the LORD, because you know that your labor in the LORD is not in vain."

What a great reminder. LETS!

Monday

Honestly...
Some people...
...scare me...

...and make me wonder if I am really that phlegmatic and passive... or they are the aggressive people... Wheeww... @_@' ~ Obviously I'm referring to birds not of the same feathers as I. Boy, strange feathers do they have...

I prefer to take things a little slower. Am I being too careful for my own good? Am I? Am I? But I really don't feel comfy about the way things are worr.... :( ... yet.

Can we like... slow down a little? Make sure it is the right thing to do before we proceed? Keep low profile first or something?

God, please arrest the progress of anything that is ahead of Your timing. Please. Have mercy. And please don't let me get into trouble for things that I did not approve...Shield me from unnecessary troubles.

Wednesday

Mid-week blues. I am so in need of God. Drained....

Gulp. *Meooowwww* Help!

...In need of all the strength I can get to juggle my studies, ministry work (seriously all that backlog...) and relationship. I'm just too burdened and overwhelmed for words.

Please don't sermonize me if you can :P (I know you mean well. But I actually know what I need to do and don't exactly need a reminder or a solution for my sad, sad situation)... but I'd appreciate if you kept me in prayer. And any words of comfort/encouragement would be greatly welcomed.

Anyway...

Today, I went to Tesco's to look for Printer Ink. I was appalled that they have not been bringing stock in for ages already. Can you imagine what would have happened if my printer ran out of ink yesterday, while I tengah-tengah printing out my project? I would have driven to Tesco's late at night, only to find out that there is no stock for the kind of cartridge ink I use. Ah, thank God indeed... that there was just sufficient ink to print out the papers!

Laterzzz....

Monday

I spent the entire day (almost) glued to the chair at my dining table - um.... not eating... as you might expect - but answering emails and doing assignments. Oh, not to mention, I did a little 'research' and planning for my short vacation in mid-May - when the term ends. That was a DELIGHTFUL distraction. I can hardly wait for that time to arrive! Wheeee......

Snacked away on cereals, cereal bars and Iko biscuits...

My sister, Zoey, called me in the evening... and we had a long chat. Turned out that we are both swamped with assignments.... thus we ended the conversation earlier than we normally would. :P Hehe.

Then... it poured with rain. Ohhhh.... glorious, glorious, glorious RAIN! What a relief to us, Penang people, who have been having a very long, dry and HOT spell. Thank God. Now the air is cool and so is my tiny apartment. Phew. I am hoping that this would be a definite end to living in an 'oven' for a long while.

I went back to struggling with my summary of Ellen F. Davis' commentary on Song of Songs. It was a very good article - but I had to read it a few times to really get what she was talking about. But I have to say that the article did help me to appreciate Song of Songs much better. It is such a beautiful book.

After I was done with all that, I was having a headache....

...so I decided to do a little exercise in front of the telly - while watching Nanny 911. (It does help me to pick up some parenting skills :) Not that I am gonna be one any time soon...)

Had dinner...and now I am back to sitting in front of my laptop - to do more assignments. @_@ It's gonna be a long night.

Tuesday

Had problems sleeping last night. Went to school with really swollen eyes today O.o Thankfully they subsided after a while.

God spoke to me (for the 3rd time this week - about abiding in Him, as the branches are in the Vine - read John 15) in chapel service today. While I was in chapel listening to the sermon, Rachel texted me a prayer - with the same words in it! The preacher also spoke of God's discipline in the strengthening of our characters - so that we will bear more fruit for Him.

Perhaps the pruning is starting to make more sense now. After all, the Vineyard keeper prunes the leafy branches off the grape tree - because it is not the green leaves that he's interested in cultivating - no matter how green... but the GRAPES. If a branch is full of green leaves, but bears no grapes, it is still not enough. And if a branch has borne a few fruits, he prunes it so that it would bear even more fruits.

Pruning hurts. It is often unwanted and it can be overwhelming at times - but we need to know that God can be trusted to prune just the right stuff off - so that we will bear just the best fruit - for His glory.

Anyway...

OT Survey II class under Dr. Vincent Ooi started today.

I really like it. Clear-cut, easy-to-follow, precise and yet substantial teaching. Plus he keeps classes so interesting that you won't fall asleep if you were really listening. Perfecto. What more could I ask for?

The weather's all cool and lovely today. Hopefully this means that the season is changing...

I've got a LOT of things on my to-do-list today. This is all I will blog about for now.

Saturday

Guess what? I didn't get to go to Yataimura with my friends yesterday afternoon, but my boyfriend (who did not read my blog btw) randomly brought me to Yataimura last night...for dinner :D How wonderful!

Today, I'm back to working. I have one song to write for an upcoming ministry event (halfway done) and then I gotta read my Church History textbook... also, to get ready for tonight's YACG bible study.

This month seems to be another month of spending :S After having purchased tickets for Poland Mission trip, I will also have to buy my tickets for Sarawak mission trip. MYF Youth retreat coming up soon - and I gotta pay up tomorrow actually. *Turns empty pockets inside-out to prove my point* Shall remember, 'Blessed are the poor...."

Tuesday

Woke up very anxious today somehow...but praying in the car on my way to school afforded much comfort.

Anyway...

Today turned out to be a better day. Golly-schmolly! I am even ready for homework...

I got lost in church history class today. It was too wordy for words (ironic huh?), not visually-stimulating in anyway (sorry...but I am one who needs pictures/music for better mental stimulation)... and I kept drifting into what Ai Hua called, 'the faraway planet'. Of course I felt bad :P I didn't go to sleep but I started staring cross-eyed at our lecturer...the rest is history. Drank like a camel too, because of the hot weather and my burnt tongue (scalded it on Friday night) - and consequently, I kept running to the bathrooms in between classes.

Btw, Church history MCQs + essay exam is NEXT WEEK!!! @_@'

There were just too many things on my mind today - including a whole To-do-list AND how to transfer funds to my dad so that he would be able to get my plane tickets for Poland mission trip in time (by tomorrow). Now that it's all over, I heave a sigh of relief. Ah, praise God! Time to work on saving up for the rest of the trip. I still have got alot more to go, but I believe that God's provisions will come in soon.

Ben and I tried wall-papering one of the pillars in my house over the long weekend - and it turned out pretty nice! I wouldn't have agreed to wall-paper the other pillar if the result hadn't turned out as well as it had :) coz it is actually so tedious! Perhaps there's a better way of doing it - but oh well, there's a first for everything. We'll learn from our mistakes.

Too busy today...

...to blog. I've got tons of work to do... and I haven't even started.

Pray. Laundry. Ministry stuff. Readings.

Ahhhh....

Btw... one praise report: one more citizen in God's Kingdom!

Wednesday

Back from church after MLM and supper with Ben and Aunty Malar.

Didn't get to nap today - I guess I was too full after lunch (was emo, so I stuffed myself silly with food :P This is PMS for sure!) - usually, I'd feel very sleepy after I've finished afternoon prayers. So I'd take a short nap before I continue with my work (when I say 'short' it means 1 hour :P)... but today, I didn't even feel like sleeping after prayers. I had quite a productive day today preparing my stuff for this weekend's sharing though. Praise God! There were many things stuck in my brain for days - I was in denial for a week. Then whenever I tried to write, I'd feel extremely sad and emo somehow. I could only manage to get them out today, by God's grace. Breakthrough! Thanks for praying, dear friend(s).

It was actually not as easy recovering the repressed memories of my eating disorders as I thought it would be. Looking back, it all seemed very dark and yet the details are slowly blurring and fading away with time. However, when I start recalling the details, it makes my skin creep to realize how close I was to death, how great the lies + deceptions I chose to believe... and how ED sucked every bit of life out of me, until I barely knew myself. In those days when I used to purge after binges, thoughts like these always ran through my head:

"Will I ever get out of here? Alive?"
"Will I never get well? Will things grow worse?"
"Will this haunt me forever? The tendency to think and act in this way...?"

I feel like one of those people written about in Psalm 107:17-22 when God delivered me through it and I finally recovered! My 'relationship' with food has come a long way indeed. Weight still fluctuates with stress... but gosh, I enjoy eating now like never before! :D

I have always wondered about this: If I, having known and depended on God, already found it so extremely difficult to recover and free myself from the clutches of ED...what about the thousands of girls out there, who do not know Him - or those who have to suffer in silence and loneliness, in fear of being ridiculed? How many girls out there are wasting away because of EDs?

Tomorrow's Church History class is gonna be super-intensive, I tell you. 8am to 4pm! @_@ urrks... And guess what? Right after that, I am teaching piano... :D

Back to serious work...

Was blessed with a good weekend on the whole.

Saturday: Bible Study in the evening encouraged me to shine for Jesus in everything I do and say. Not because I am forced to adhere to religious laws, but because I've experienced (and am experiencing) God's grace to the fullest measure. Because I've been transformed by His love. Liberated by the truth. Because in Him, I now live. And I'd love to share is with everyone else.

Sunday: Youth Fellowship yesterday was fun. We had really crazy indoor games that were supposed to teach valuable lessons... I'll be giving a talk in the YF on the 28th February - about self-image and eating disorders. Hope it goes well and makes a difference in at least one person's life. I'll have to brew what I'm gonna present very carefully - because this is such a familiar yet difficult topic to work with. Need all the God-given wisdom, strength and anointing I can get! Please keep me in prayer, guys. Dear youths, if you are reading this... and know of friends who are struggling with body image/eating disorders, please invite them to come along too.

Did various odd jobs in church as well. Ben and I went to Tesco's for lunch and a short walk at Courts. It was great to have time to sit down and tête-à-tête... Thank God for the solutions that came out of it too. Totally enjoy being with Ben.

Loads of work in the afternoon... then we went for dinner with his dear parents.

I have an exam this Wednesday... so tra lala... gotta study already (and have to prepare my research presentation for after CNY break's presentation to Dr. Sunny)....even though I am so in a Chinese-New-Year/holiday mood. Bus-ing back to KL this Friday. Can't wait, can't wait, can't can't wait!!!